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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to breastfeed 15mo in public?

138 replies

Schwanengesang · 16/02/2018 03:01

In the past week, I've been on holiday with DS at an overcrowded, too-popular tourist holiday destination, and in my own town (University oritentation week, full of students).

In that time while feeding DS out and about (nothing on display, any exposed boob completely covered by DS' head, but also not wearing a breastfeeding shawl) I have had:

(1) a grandfather tell me I should cover up when breastfeeding in front of his grandkids

(2) a grandmother say I shouldn't be breastfeeding when they can walk and talk

(3) a woman of grandmotherly age tell me I'll rot DS' teeth and he should be drinking real milk out of a bottle (I presume "real milk" comes from cows...)

(4) a child laugh and point, then try to push our pram into the lake, while adoring parents looked on and laughed as the child tipped the pram over down the bank

(5) another child decide to come up and try to push DS out of the way, as in batting at his head and climbing on my lap, in order to feed, while parents laughed and took photos and then told me their child had more right to be breastfeeding than mine because mine was too old

(6) a man come up and film me while his wife stood there giggling with her hand over her mouth

(7) a pair of young women walk by saying "OMG that's disgusting. It's like 5 years old" "God, why would anyone do that?" ("It" being DS)

(8) a group of young men say "oh shit that's so gross" "OMG she's going to have the saggiest tits ever" and pretend to vomit, while their friend made melon-holding hand gestures emphasizing the apparently saggy tits

Until the past week I'd been fairly good at ignoring any unwanted attention, giving a baleful eye to anyone who dared look affronted. But I didn't reckon with tourist season/ uni students and DS being a pretty big 15 months.

Is breastfeeding a toddler in public really that unusual?

OP posts:
coffeeforone · 16/02/2018 09:20

Ok, maybe some 15 month olds do BF quite often, but it’s certainly more likely that that they only feed a few times a day at that age. I still don’t believe that the op hasn’t exaggerated the situation, I just don’t think all of these instances could possibly happen all in one week. Even if those rare members of the public who glance and think to themselves ‘a bit old to bf’ (assuming OP’s DC looks much older than he is), I really don’t think that many separate instances, where someone would actually approach a BF stranger and say things like that all in one week?

stuffstuffeverywhere · 16/02/2018 09:22

So many people on this thread making stupid, sweeping statements.

Nothing wrong with breastfeeding a toddler loads and nothing wrong with formula feeding from birth or weaning a couple of weeks early... because as shocking as it sounds, every family is unique! The only constant is milk till six months (ish).

My DS refused the breast himself from 15 months. Weaned him at 5 and a half months. He's fit and happy.

WhenWillThisMadnessEnd · 16/02/2018 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MNHQ
SophieLMumsnet · 16/02/2018 09:46

Morning, everyone.

We've had quite a few reports about this thread - and we've also just zapped rather a lot of troll-hunting.

To be clear, we've no reason whatsoever to doubt the OP here. We can't make a cast iron guarantee - but we can't do that for anyone who posts.

The barrage the OP's received is pretty unedifying to be honest. We're not saying you can't have doubts - that's completely fine, all we ask is that you don't air them on a thread. It just upsets the OP, derails, and actually puts people off starting threads at all, which is such a shame.

We'll be mailing round about this shortly.

Thanks Flowers

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 16/02/2018 09:47

Agree with the above^^. I really hope this thread doesn’t put people off bf in public Angry! I’ve never heard of anything like this happening to anyone I know. I’ve bf a baby in public many times, (and I have huge boobs and am not able to be as discreet as I’d like). Aside from one odd look, (when I, in fairness did flash my entire boob at a man in Starbucks Blush), nobody has ever reacted, let alone said anything at all to / about me, (afaik). Friends have BF their older dc in public too and I’ve never heard anything like any of these incidents the op has mentioned.

She really has had rotten luck to have all of these comments / incidents, even if it had been over the course of a year. Over the course of just a week? I can only assume the town she is in is full of utter fuckwits atm.

ShackUp · 16/02/2018 09:52

Breastfed DS2 is 20mo and has been on boob all morning (it's half term) because he's teething and it gives him comfort.

DS1 breastfed until nearly 3, didn't get any comments (stopped BF in public around 2).

ltk · 16/02/2018 10:01

You asked if breastfeeding a toddler is unusual. It is, at least in the UK. I remember some Lancet study putting the rate of breastfeeding after 12 mos at less than 1%. No clue what rate is in NZ.

I breastfed mine to around 16mos, in public when necessary. But yeah, it is unusual (in UK) and sadly arseholes abound the world over. Sorry you had to deal with all that!

Clandestino · 16/02/2018 10:09

I BFed for two years, even though at 15 months I was already encouraging solids, especially outside as DD was a wriggly little worm who wanted to feed and at the same time communicate and watch the world. It was more of a comfort for her than anything else.
That said, I never had a negative comment or had anyone behaving like they were disgusted with me for doing so. Find it difficult to believe this all happened in the very short time of holidays.

Goldmandra · 16/02/2018 10:48

@Clandestino

Have you even read the MNHQ post above?

If you doubt the truth of the post, report, don't post.

Clandestino · 16/02/2018 10:51

@Goldmandra, I never said I don't trust the OP for things that happened to her - I expressed my doubts about all this happening in a short time. Without claiming she's a troll or made the whole lot up. It could have been a build-up over a long time and that I would believe her.

Rianna · 16/02/2018 10:56

Did this really happen ? WHO reccomends breastfeeding till 2 yrs don’t they ? I’m so sorry you have to put up with this . Breastfed till well over 3 years old but never a really rude comment .

Goldmandra · 16/02/2018 10:57

@Clandestino

Could you not find the MNHQ post? Here is a quote from it to help you.

We're not saying you can't have doubts - that's completely fine, all we ask is that you don't air them on a thread. It just upsets the OP, derails, and actually puts people off starting threads at all, which is such a shame.

sourpatchkid · 16/02/2018 11:07

I'm disgusted at some of the posts on here. Breastfeeding is more for the mother than than the child?! Are you fucking kidding me??

WHO recommend breastfeeding until the age of 2. Breastfeeding a 15 month old is completely completely NORMAL!

Jesus, the judgement of women - it's just ALL the frigging time! Angry

QuilliamCakespeare · 16/02/2018 11:11

My nursling is almost 14mo and I give zero fucks about what anyone says about me still nursing him, as should you. I never thought I'd still be doing it at this age but he wants to, so here we are. Strangers who feel the need to comment will get an earful from me. The WHO recommends it to the age of two FFS!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/02/2018 11:14

I don't believe that (5) happened in the exact way that you describe, OP. A woman would not - I think - say that to any other woman.

I haven't anything to say about the rest of your OP.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/02/2018 11:16

I'm not disbelieving you, just wondered what this woman would actually have said to you because she would be all kinds of odd to say that.

Bettyswitch · 16/02/2018 11:17

Fuck them all OP!
You feed your baby however you like, have a ggod day Flowers

Iggi999 · 16/02/2018 11:19

I remember feeling judgy watching a toddler feeding in public (I was pg at the time). My baby got me back for my ignorance by feeding till he was almost four. I will admit though that I used to take him to the toilet with me once he was walking and he did it there. Only seemed to be an issue on holiday, I think the disruption to routine made him want more feeding/comfort instead of less.

AmysTiara · 16/02/2018 19:24

5 sounds completely bizarre.
Seriously the parents said their child had more right to a breastfeed than yours and took photos? Really? Confused

Lipniki · 16/02/2018 19:31

You've just met idiots and arseholes.
I ff mine, but I couldn't give a shit or bat an eyelid how other people chose to feed their DC.

Lipniki · 16/02/2018 19:34

WHO recommend breastfeeding until the age of 2
Well yeah because it's the WORLD Health Organisation. In countries with no clean water supply of course bf is better, but in the western world it just choice.

Blackteadrinker77 · 16/02/2018 19:36

Bizarre

I breast fed both my children in the UK in the early 90s never had a negative comment ever.

DD is currently breast feeding DGD, not had a comment yet either. I don't think many people are idiots like you have found.

tenforthat · 16/02/2018 19:47

@lipniki that myth about the WHO guidelines gets trotted out in every breastfeeding debate and just isn't true. The guidelines exist because there are benefits to the child and mother to breastfeeding for this length of time or longer (irrespective of what country they live in).

IShouldReallyNamechange · 16/02/2018 19:48

My almost 13mo feeds ALOT when he's with me. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. He won't take bottles so no point in expressing. He won't drink milk from a cup either. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding your DC for as long as you both want to and as often as you both would like. If someone has an issue with that, it's their problem, not yours. I'll continue feeding my DS until he's ready to self wean.

Lipniki · 16/02/2018 19:52

tenforthat Hmm well I have only seen it when massive YOU MUST BF people go on threads.
I really don't care either way. To me bf, ff, in the western world it choice. Whatever the mother decides