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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to put a stop to this?

37 replies

Megameanmummy · 15/02/2018 21:07

I’m genuinely confused about what to do. DS15 has, what we thought, a friend who happens to be a girl (hasn’t known her long) She is 13. DS is a vulnerable youngster (hidden disabilities). Tonight I caught them snogging in the dining room. I was outside and saw them through the window. DH was in another room and completely oblivious. I called DS in and said I thought they were just friends. He said he loves her.... What do other parents do in these circumstances? We’ve been through everything (safety, age etc) with him so many times but he just acts on impulse (part of his disability). I know he wants to feel that closeness with someone. He’s a kind attractive boy and girls tend to like him but he can’t seem to say no to them. I just don’t know where to go from here.

OP posts:
NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 15/02/2018 21:09

Why do you feel you need to put a stop to it, it's not clear from your op?

TheCatsPaws · 15/02/2018 21:10

What’s the problem here?

SaucyJack · 15/02/2018 21:10

What are your concerns?

tafftum · 15/02/2018 21:11

I don't understand the concern, is it because she's a couple years younger than him?Hmm Literally the only thing I can think of and even then it's a stretch

Snowydaysarehere · 15/02/2018 21:12

Are you friends with her dps? Maybe put them in the loop too? If she is vulnerable, younger and they believe it's just a friendship, they have trusted you with her care while in your home. If those circumstances have changed they should know.

Snowysky20009 · 15/02/2018 21:14

What's the issue?

TheCatsPaws · 15/02/2018 21:15

I think maybe OP is concerned because he is disabled?

QuiteLikely5 · 15/02/2018 21:16

Op

I can understand why you feel protective of your son given that he is vulnerable but you really ought to let him be a teenager

A snog does not indicate that he is being taken advantage of at all.

BestZebbie · 15/02/2018 21:16

If you'd seen then having sex through the window you'd have grounds for concern due to their age, but snogging? Sounds completely age-appropriate for a 13yr old girl and a 15yr old boy.

Original poster
Megameanmummy · 15/02/2018 21:19

Because of their ages I suppose. DS is immature for his age, and the bottom line I guess is that I’m scared he’ll go further without thinking of the consequences.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 15/02/2018 21:27

You need to remember that what they're doing now is entirely age appropriate.

The worst thing you can do is to treat their perfectly normal teen romance like a huge deal that they need to keep secret.

She's only a young girl, and if he's immature for his age it's not that likely that they'll want to have sex.

Book them a table for 2 at Pizza Hut and let them enjoy their little romance. Just maybe don't let them have the bedroom door closed if you're that worried.

TheCatsPaws · 15/02/2018 21:27

Could you tell us what disability your son has? It might help us. So far I don’t think anything is concerning.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/02/2018 21:28

Then you need to make sure he has access to sensible, thorough, sex education materials which emphasise consent and pleasure as well as biology and disease prevention. Do you know what the school has taught him so far? Bish is pretty good.

Your DS is 15. Most teens are starting to get interested in dating, romance, love and sex at this point and that's fine. You want him to avoid hurting/being hurt, and avoid unwanted pregnancies or catching a dose, so make sure he has the right advice, then let him get on with it.

Allthewaves · 15/02/2018 21:28

What's his disability issues?

Original poster
Megameanmummy · 15/02/2018 21:39

Snowydaysarehere
No, I don’t know her dps. They haven’t known each other long. I get the feeling her home life isn’t great and that she’s vulnerable too.

OP posts:
f83mx · 15/02/2018 21:40

Snogs are alright aren't they - just have the sex chat again (and keep having it!)

NewYearNewMe18 · 15/02/2018 21:42

Even people with disabilities are entitled to a private life. Please don't sabotage his relationship because of preconceived ideas.

Snowydaysarehere · 15/02/2018 21:45

I think the issue is she is entrusted with being at a friend's house and now the dynamics have changed. Could you invite the dps over?

Original poster
Megameanmummy · 15/02/2018 21:46

Sorry, should have said what disabilities. ASD and ADD

OP posts:
UserSnoozer · 15/02/2018 21:50

He's immature. She'll be more mature. Maturity would even out as the same. Have the talk and be there to support him but be happy for him

SometimesMaybe · 15/02/2018 21:50

I get that this is hard for you but isn’t it lovely that he is doing proper teenage things. He’ll have butterflies when he see her and they will snog for hours.

If she is potentially vulnerable too then you can look out for her too - talk about sex with your DS make sure he is aware of what is not isn’t appropriate (does he have a teacher or a third party adult that can ram it home - if you pardon the expression!)

Original poster
Megameanmummy · 15/02/2018 21:52

We’ve had so many sex chats with DS, but his impulse control is non-existent.
Thank you for your replies - they’ve given me some perspective.

OP posts:
Notevilstepmother · 15/02/2018 21:52

Just keep an eye on them and make sure he knows the law.

Bananmanfan · 15/02/2018 21:55

I agree that kissing is not a problem, but she is a 13 year old girl in your home and you need to protect her too. She will absolutely not be ready to have sex even if she thinks she is.

Screaminginsideme · 15/02/2018 21:55
Consent is like tea video make them both watch it! Talk to her parents?
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