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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think we will never be able to afford anything?

56 replies

Seriouslyscrewed · 15/02/2018 18:56

Name changed because I am quite ashamed of how I feel but I can't help it! Sad

Let me start by saying that I know that money and material things are not the be all and end all. Most important is having health and happiness.

BUT...i am crazy jealous of people around me because my house is a tiny shit hole and everyone else seems to have new lovley houses or houses where they afford to do it up.

We are very very poor right now. And I can't see a way out of it. Our house is falling apart and I am so depressed about it. I dream of a new kitchen or a nice bedroom.

How do we change our money situation? How do people afford this stuff?

We work so hard but seem to not see a penny Sad I feel like our loves are all ways going to be this way and I'm fed up of being green with envy!!!

OP posts:
bellasuewow · 15/02/2018 19:01

Sorry op being poor is total shit. Have you been on the credit crunch threads. There are lots of people there who have been where you are and come out of it.

Bunbunbunny · 15/02/2018 19:05

Do you own your own place? If you do no matter how small or run down you’re doing a lot better than most!

Get on money saving expert website and look for ways to save or make money. Get online and search for ways you can make the most of your space, get rid of crap that makes your home feel small. Don’t judge yourself by others you have no idea if they’ve put themselves in debt to get it and trust me new builds are not always perfect!!!

Making your bedroom feel nicer should be easy, you can spray paint furniture and change the handles to freshen it up. Get some plain white bed linens (try Sainsbury’s in the sales), a couple of cushions and co-ordinating throw can make your bed look lush and give it a hotel feel. You don’t need to spend a lot to do this.

Do one room to make yourself feel positive about your home and give you a space to rest & relax in. It’s takes a long time to make a house feel like a home even a new build!

Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2018 19:09

Do you keep a detailed, written budget? Every single day, write down every single cent you spend. Do you TRULY have a firm handle on what you're spending?

Bunbunbunny · 15/02/2018 19:11

Sorry forgot to add if you are feeling low there is organisations out there that can help with budgeting. My MIL is went to Christians against poverty and they helped her with her debts and getting her disability allowances sorted, you don’t have to be a Christian to use their services ( my mil isn’t). They helped her set up a budget as well to stop her getting into debt again and they were completely free

HonkyWonkWoman · 15/02/2018 19:13

Do you smoke and drink? If so, especially the smoking is like throwing your money down the drain.

Hownow39 · 15/02/2018 19:16

Do you own your house ? If so you have one up on me I have shit loads of stuff a massive salary and yet I live at home with my mum.

Go on we love diy on Facebook you won't belive some of the ideas people come up with to revamp their houses. Looks great some of the stuff and they are all tight af!

HermioneWeasley · 15/02/2018 19:22

Many will be buying on expensive credit. If you are debt free (except a mortgage) you are doing really well

formerbabe · 15/02/2018 19:33

Do you smoke and drink? If so, especially the smoking is like throwing your money down the drain

This is such a cliche. I don't smoke or drink and I'm still skint.

Op...I wonder how other people afford all this stuff too? Everyone I know seem to have amazing homes, new cars, great clothes. All I can think is they must be in a shit load of debt.

KanielOutis · 15/02/2018 19:34

Since paying off debt and only spending within my means I feel poor when hearing about what others have. But to live within your means is rich, not poor. How great to owe money to no one. You can't see how people pay for their extravagant lifestyle, just that they have stuff.

HelpHusband · 15/02/2018 19:38

I know how you feel.

My DH hasn't been able to work in 9 years due to health issues. I work full time but I am currently on the sick with just ssp.
I can't make ends meet and I'm struggling not to break down. I can't let him see I'm worried but I'm on the edge.

rupertpenryswife · 15/02/2018 19:53

Lots of people have credit, for us if we can't afford it outright we don't it, I have friends in brand new houses with new cars, we are in a smallish house with an ancient banger of a car. Sometimes I come home and think I hate my house but it's ours, we do small cheap things to it and I start to love it again.

My DH has a chronic health condition so we are currently saving every penny to cover the mortgage and out goings as we are expecting him to need life changing surgery at some point and he does not get sick pay.

Most of the time I'm happy with what I have, I see some on here are so much worse off, we are not poor we have a house, we eat well and the dc generally have what they need, those who can't afford to heat the house or eat are poor.

Mossbystrand · 15/02/2018 20:02

There's a thread on aibu where the op has lots of debt and the posters have given her lots of good financial advice. Some of the advice might apply to you whilst others won't but it's worth having a look.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3167872-To-think-I-ve-really-fucked-up-not-sure-what-to-do

Also have a look on gumtree/ freecycle for free or cheap diy materials that people get rid of after a project. You could pick up materials cheaply or for free for your own diy project.

Is there anything you can sell to generate extra cash?

Can either of you upgrade to a better paying job?

Lots of things to think about to improve your situation.

Original poster
Seriouslyscrewed · 15/02/2018 20:03

I don't smoke and rarely drink...thank you making that assumption though.

We do own our home so we are very lucky there. But it is in an awful state and I am embarrassed by it. It's too small for us and dc bit we can't afford to move.

The simple fact is we don't earn enough.

OP posts:
Upsidedownandinsideout · 15/02/2018 20:07

My DH used to be like this - until he went to work in a bank and saw how much debt many people have, fixed him right up! Also some of the people you envy might be renting, so their landlord keeps it in decent nick but also takes all their money..

That said, if you're working hard, then it would be good to find a way to afford even little luxuries.
This comes up a lot on here, but that's because it makes such a difference - have you made a budget? I used YouNeedABudget online when things got really tight on mat leave - I thought I was pretty careful with money, but through this and money comparison sites (including supermarket ones) I managed to find an extra £120 a month!! For us that has made our lives far more luxurious, we've put some into a rainy day fund for house emergencies etc and use some of the rest to give ourselves a fun allowance for trips out with the kids, friends, house decor etc.

Or if you can't cut any more costs, are there ways to bring in some more cash? If you're in a big city then there's Airbnb or spare room, or unless you have other health issues or are already full time, then could you take on a few hours a week of ironing / cleaning / Saturday work? (not glamorous but can mean the difference between money to spare and nothing left)

Once you've found some spare cash, if you know what you need you can set up alerts on sites like gumtree, so that if certain brands or items come up you know (eg we did this with Billy bookcases from IKEA and got them really cheaply from someone heading overseas - it did mean waiting a few weeks, but saved tons!)

Upsidedownandinsideout · 15/02/2018 20:10

Or big one - if you are ultimately not earning enough to live the way you want, could you look at training or moving roles to improve this? And if there are no prospects of improvement then can you go the other way and downsize your life to fit your earnings - move to a different area where housing is more affordable, or even just Marie Kondo like crazy to sell spare stuff, make the most of the space you have and then improve it over time.

SaskaTchewan · 15/02/2018 20:10

Some people have family money, others have family who provide free childcare, and it makes a huge difference.

No, overspending in booze and fags is not a myth, it doesn't mean that non-smokers are rich, but that you are definitively wasting money if you do smoke.

OP< it's impossible to advise without knowing your situation, but couldn't you just put a lick of paint in your house?
Declutering cost nothing, then spending a lot of time on local FB selling sites to get free or nearly free furniture. You can hand-made curtains from dirt cheap fabric found online, and so on.

Have you got a car? Ikea "bargain corner" Is a gold mine, but it's like Primark, you need to go there often.

You can have a lovely home on nearly no-budget, but it's very time consuming. It's still worth it.

What you shouldn't do is spend a fortune on a rented house like these couple did
www.cornwalllive.com/news/cornwall-news/couple-who-spent-230k-fixing-1170949
even if there's a bit more to the story but you get the point

SaskaTchewan · 15/02/2018 20:14

www.blessthistinyhouse.com/tiny-house-for-a-family-of-four-yes/

there's so much inspiration online. In RL< it must be very difficult, but it does give you good tips when space is a luxury you can't have just yet.

Sleephead1 · 15/02/2018 20:17

hi op it's natural to feel jealous but we never really know how people afford things some may be in dept, some may get help from family, some may be payed better than you think or just prioritise different things to you e.g. save for holidays but buy all clothes second hand and only do free days out ECT. So I would look at your own circumstances only. could you cut money anywhere , switch suppliers, see if you can get cheaper deals on things. sell things you no longer need. Then look at where your money goes, do kids do lots of activities ? could this be cut down, do you meal plan ? Do you get coffee or food when out for the day could you take your own, can you do more free activities ECT then look at earning potential is there anything either of you can do to increase this, training, studying, aiming for a promotion. Then look at the house and make a plan what can be done to spruce it up cheaply e.g. painted , decluttered, new decor lime cushions, throws, pictures ect then what needs to be done that costs more - how much will this cost , how can we make it happen so save x amount for so long then we can get it done then at least you have a plan and you may find that makes you feel better.

Cellardoor23 · 15/02/2018 20:18

I agree with the above post. Ive managed to sell things that I didn't think were sellable, stuff I don't need etc and ended up with about £300 in my pocket!

I agree with gum tree and local fb selling pages too. Some people give stuff away for virtually nothing.

RavenLG · 15/02/2018 20:26

Get on your local freebie facebook sites. I've seen people giving away curtains, paint, wallpaper, literally allsorts you can freshen the house up with. Even grab some furniture. It will help feel like a change.

Budget, budget, budget and even just start saving £1 a week if it's all you can afford.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 15/02/2018 20:36

Life is about choices. We choose our jobs, to rent or to buy, to have children etc.

You chose to buy and have children so have two heavy financial commitments. Maybe others have made different choices.

DropItLikeASquat · 15/02/2018 20:43

forget keeping up with the jones'. why don't you post up a rough income and expenditure like they do on money saving expert and maybe we can help you skim off savings etc. how many of you, what expenses do you regularly have, any debts, can you remortgage etc.

SaskaTchewan · 15/02/2018 20:45

Life is about choices. We choose our jobs, to rent or to buy, to have children etc.

to a point, it's not that straight forward though is it?

Viviennemary · 15/02/2018 20:51

You just have to make the best of what you've got and stop comparing yourself to others. I know people a lot better off than we are and people a lot worse off. You don't need a huge amount of money to have a nice home. But it's miserable having to count every single penny and feel like you will never afford nice things. People go into huge debt buying things that aren't necessary. Don't do that.

L3moncak3 · 15/02/2018 20:59

You own a property and have a child, that is alot compared to some people that do not have these. You can pick up great bargains at car boot sales and auctions. If you are good at DIY you can improve, otherwise it will cost to pay for a trades person. Is there one thing that you can improve that will make a start ? What needs fixing in the house ? Is it old, but still functional ?