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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to pay rent to exDP if I don't have a bedroom?

51 replies

Toombumber · 15/02/2018 17:10

I have slept in DD's room since I split up with DP nearly a year ago. We have a mortgage on the house with a small equity and he's finally getting things in place to buy me out as he intends to stay on here. Today he realised that I'm not going to be able to start the process of buying a house of my own until my name is off this mortgage, so that means at least 2 months of me continuing to live here after he has taken on the whole mortgage himself. (I won't be hanging around a day later than necessary).
He didn't propose anything at the time today but I could see him thinking, 'How much should she pay?'. I intend to pay half the bills, food, and children's expenses as normal until the day I move out, but AIBU in thinking he shouldn't try to charge me 'rent' if I don't have a bedroom?
Do I need a solicitor's advice to declare this as fair or not fair? It is hard to decide just by yourself what is or is not fair in these sorts of circumstances when you're in it for the first time.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 15/02/2018 17:12

Why would it mean another 2 months after your name gets taken off the mortgage?

Knittedfairies · 15/02/2018 17:14

I'm confused about the two months thing too.

StillSadAboutDrGreene · 15/02/2018 17:19

When he has bought the house out, you will have no terms to stay there at all. You can't just tell him you are staying two months in his house pr what you intend to pay. You'll have to ask him if you can stay and on what terms.

ADuckNamedSplash · 15/02/2018 17:20

Honestly, I think YAB a bit U.

Your Ex DP can't fix the situation (i.e. magic up an extra bedroom to keep you happy) and you are still getting the benefit of the use of rest of the house - why should that come for free? As a working adult, if I had to move back in with my parents for whatever reason, I would expect to pay 'rent' in addition to my share of the bills and I don't really see this situation as any different.

Heismyopendoor · 15/02/2018 17:20

I imagine because once her name is off, it will take her some time to buy a house?

Skarossinkplunger · 15/02/2018 17:20

I actually think you should be contributing something.

Familylawsolicitor · 15/02/2018 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 15/02/2018 17:27

YABU. After your name is off the mortgage, you don’t get to just tell him you’ll be staying on another two months. You ask, he might have conditions upon which you either agree with or move out.

GreenTulips · 15/02/2018 17:30

If you are thinking of buying and mortgaging there's no reason you can't get the ball rolling already

You are effectively sellling your house and buying a new one - no different to selling to a third party (would you ask them if you could stay?)

Original poster
Toombumber · 15/02/2018 17:32

Oo thanks for the replies! I didn't know about the completion of my own purchase possibly being on the same day as he buys me out and will definitely be looking into that. If that's possible and I don't do that, I can see how maybe I should contribute something. I was presuming that I couldn't start the process of house buying until I was free of the old mortgage, hence the 2 months it usually takes from putting an offer in to moving. I'm glad I asked and that there is an option I didn't know about.

OP posts:
Catstar123 · 15/02/2018 17:33

Is 2 months to find and buy a house? Are you in England? I only ask because I think that time frame is far too optimistic. Also what happens if things fall through? Might it be better to move into a rental for 6 months once he’s bought you out. Takes the pressure off the situation.

CherryMaDeary · 15/02/2018 17:36

So he has been benefitting from the bedroom for a whole year?

I can see why you don't want to pay him rent for 2 months.

If he insists on a contribution, make him sleep on the sofa and you take the bedroom.

DeathStare · 15/02/2018 17:36

I didn't know about the completion of my own purchase possibly being on the same day as he buys me out and will definitely be looking into that

How did you think everyone else buys and sells houses? People arrange to complete on the same day in a chain.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 15/02/2018 17:40

If he insists on a contribution, make him sleep on the sofa and you take the bedroom.

CherryMaDeary Ha Ha, are you joking?! It won’t even be her house anymore! He’d be being generous in just allowing her to stay.

Viviennemary · 15/02/2018 17:42

So basically he will own the house and you'll still be living there till you find your own accommodation. It would seem very mean to charge you rent but you should contribute towards rates and other bills. If you can't find cheaper accommodation elsewhere then I don't think you'll have much choice but to pay rent.

CherryMaDeary · 15/02/2018 17:43

True, but it's not fair that he's had the bedroom for a year while OP was also (presumably) contributing to the mortgage.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 15/02/2018 17:46

True, but it's not fair that he's had the bedroom for a year while OP was also (presumably) contributing to the mortgage.

CherryMaDeary If that’s been an issue for OP then she should have brought it up at some point during the last year.

Also, if she’s been sleeping on a bed in DDs room, there’s really no difference.

Slarti · 15/02/2018 18:11

Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it OP

CherryMaDeary · 15/02/2018 18:19

Also, if she’s been sleeping on a bed in DDs room, there’s really no difference.of course there is. Otherwise all parents would share with their DC.

She will have had to fit in with DD's bedtimes etc

Original poster
Toombumber · 15/02/2018 19:31

Yes, I am in England.
I am aware that the 2 months to complete a house purchase is the absolute minimum it would take. Now with the ideas on this thread I'm going to start the process as soon as possible.
Ex DP has had the benefit of the bedroom for the year while I continued to pay half the mortgage and bills. This could be a moot point now though as I think it won't be the case that I'll have to keep living there for months while I buy another place, hopefully more like days. It's not a terribly acrimonious situation, but still, want to go asap. I accepted the bedroom situation. I didn't think it was going to go on this long, but hey.
I don't know why I didn't think of myself as being in a chain myself when it comes to the next move. I suppose because I didn't feel I was selling. I have also never sold before so don't know the process. But I guess I am selling my portion of the house to exDP?
I spoke to someone at my current lender's recently who intimated that I couldn't get apply for a mortgage until I was off the last one, but perhaps that is not what they meant and I think now I have misunderstood. They said the original mortgage debt 'would show' when I went to get an agreement in principle for another mortgage, but I guess this is normally the case when you're selling and doesn't mean you'll get refused- just that the release of funds from my new mortgage won't happen until the old one is transferred out of my name.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 15/02/2018 19:36

Y s! You are both selling the house. He's buying the house.

Mortgage wise you should beable use your share as a deposit tipped up by a mortgage. They will tell you how much you can borrow in the figures you give them.

Technically you will be 'chain free' when offering on a property....

Have you looked?

timeisnotaline · 15/02/2018 19:37

In all the threads here about ex dos refusing to move out until they have something sorted, I don’t think rent has really come up ? Bills yes and child maintenance but not rent?

Original poster
Toombumber · 15/02/2018 19:39

No I haven't looked seriously yet (done viewings) because I didn't want a good place to get away while I was waiting for my buy out money. How am I 'chain-free' when offering? Because the sale is definitely happening?

OP posts:
greendale17 · 15/02/2018 19:40

YABU. After your name is off the mortgage, you don’t get to just tell him you’ll be staying on another two months.

^This

GreenTulips · 15/02/2018 20:09

Well you've taken technically sold and it's a definite sale

Go offer on a property and get moving

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