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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to pay rent to exDP if I don't have a bedroom?

51 replies

Toombumber · 15/02/2018 17:10

I have slept in DD's room since I split up with DP nearly a year ago. We have a mortgage on the house with a small equity and he's finally getting things in place to buy me out as he intends to stay on here. Today he realised that I'm not going to be able to start the process of buying a house of my own until my name is off this mortgage, so that means at least 2 months of me continuing to live here after he has taken on the whole mortgage himself. (I won't be hanging around a day later than necessary).
He didn't propose anything at the time today but I could see him thinking, 'How much should she pay?'. I intend to pay half the bills, food, and children's expenses as normal until the day I move out, but AIBU in thinking he shouldn't try to charge me 'rent' if I don't have a bedroom?
Do I need a solicitor's advice to declare this as fair or not fair? It is hard to decide just by yourself what is or is not fair in these sorts of circumstances when you're in it for the first time.

OP posts:
NordicNobody · 15/02/2018 20:16

Maybe im being thick but is there a reason you cant just moving into a rental property once you're off the mortgage, and then start the process of buying your next place?

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/02/2018 20:17

I don’t think you should be paying rent. Yes it’s his house but morally I think as you’re paying half bills and not taking an extra room I can’t see on what basis an ex husband in the process of splitting could really demand rent for you sleeping in your child’s bedroom.

Original poster
Toombumber · 15/02/2018 20:53

NordicNobody I don't want to move into a rented place because moving house is a huge thing that nobody wants to do any more than necessary, and also it would disrupt the kids, and I don't want to spend thousands renting for six months. I think I can buy pretty swiftly.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 15/02/2018 20:58

I don’t think you should be paying rent. Yes it’s his house but morally I think as you’re paying half bills and not taking an extra room I can’t see on what basis an ex husband in the process of splitting could really demand rent for you sleeping in your child’s bedroom.

Especially as he's had the sole use of that bedroom for a YEAR while you've shared said mortgage, while you've bunked in your child's room.

Point that out if he says anything and ask how you get compensated in return for him being the one with the bedroom for the past year.

Babynut1 · 15/02/2018 21:01

I don’t understand your predicament. It’s no different to buying and selling.

When I was selling my last house, I got an agreement in principle for a new mortgage, even though I already had one.

I had a guaranteed buyer, I found a house I liked and put in an offer. Both sale and purchase went through on the same day.

Surely this would be the same for you.

You get your agreement in principle, put an offer in and completion for the ‘sale’ of your existing house and the purchase of your new one would be the same day.

Original poster
Toombumber · 15/02/2018 22:05

Thanks Babynut1, you give me hope that it will be simpler than I thought.

OP posts:
SeniorRita · 15/02/2018 22:10

You don't need two months. I did this and everything completed on the same day. Admittedly I ended up without a mortgage (long story) but at one point I was going to have one and that wasn't an issue.

His solicitor was a bit arsey about the whole thing but it all worked out. I moved out the day he bought me out, and my purchase went through the same day. I stated at a friend's the night before though as most of my stuff was packed (and having been living with the arse for 8m by then I was sick of the sight of him).

SeniorRita · 15/02/2018 22:14

Mind you, two months is wildly optimistic. I started looking Jan, had two false starts with offers, eventually settled on this house in March and moved in August. I had no chain but the seller had two above and the one at the top was a pain.

rothbury · 15/02/2018 22:18

Is DD his child?

Original poster
Toombumber · 15/02/2018 22:36

No DD (9) is not his child but he has lived with her since she was 1. We also have DS (6) together.

OP posts:
L3moncak3 · 15/02/2018 23:04

You need to the money from him buying you out in writing by a solicitor. The solicitor then passes this money to the solicitor for your new house. You need to know how much you are going to receive before you can start buying your new house. Plus you will need money for solicitor fees, stamp duty, survey, land register, mortgage arrangements and other fees. You need to work out the numbers. Have you spoken to a financial advisor. In theory the day he buys you out, you can buy your new property, especially if you are chain free

bullyingadvice2017 · 15/02/2018 23:17

Most folk buying with a mortgage don't have the money ready at offer stage.
I have just left my marriage and I found my new house ( love it!! ) and offered and accepted. I told them that as soon as money available I'd be ready to complete in the mean time surveys and searches take weeks anyway,
I also got to the stage that I needed to get out before things turned really sour between us. So as my house was empty I asked to pay rent for a month until it compleated. Seller agreed and I had keys next day. Never felt so relieved!

GreenTulips · 15/02/2018 23:18

You can do it in 6 weeks if the property is empty or chain free

SD1978 · 15/02/2018 23:27

He hasn’t actually asked for any money though- you interpreted a look as him going to ask you. Personally, if I was living there, I probably would continue to contribute what I have up until this point- or move out immediately to a rental property. For the sake of not having the upheaval, whilst trying to find a new house, I’d pay. If you find this unfair, then start looking to move somewhere on your terms.

Original poster
Toombumber · 16/02/2018 00:02

L3moncak3 I have the money for the various fees. I think the actual buyout money will be coming from him in the form of cash (from the sale of his late mum's house, which is in process currently), not from his remortgage. Do I have to wait until that cash is in the bank, to show I've got a deposit?

OP posts:
Original poster
Toombumber · 16/02/2018 00:06

bullyingadvice2017 that's a heartening story (in a way!). Did you just give the seller the month's rent in cash as a fairly informal arrangement, or does that have to be formal?

OP posts:
bullyingadvice2017 · 16/02/2018 09:56

I had to sign a licence to occupy with the solicitor and we just sorted the cash between ourselves... I did a bit of stalking and messaged the seller on Facebook. I know that's possibly a bit below the belt but I was at the point that it was worth a shot rather than have to stay in the marital home (and be up on a murder charge) 😖

RedHelenB · 16/02/2018 10:04

Have you seen a solicitor? Who will the children live with?

GreenTulips · 16/02/2018 10:11

When me and DH sold a house - it was mine - he had to sign a solicitors letter to agree to move out on completion - I'm sure you'll be asked to do the same.

You need to get sorted and not rely on his good will to let you continue to stay

Familylawsolicitor · 16/02/2018 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnimaginativeUser · 16/02/2018 13:53

When me and my ex split up, he bought me out of our house.

I found a property to buy, then we co-ordinated the completion date of both transactions to be the same day, so he never owned the house on his own until the day I moved out.

In your case, it might mean that your ex has to delay a little while longer, but as long as his mortgage offer doesn't expire, it shouldn't be a problem.

Does your ex realise that he may have to pay stamp duty on buying you out? My ex didn't and I ended up having to concede and pay half of it, just to keep the peace! (I did feel a little guilty about the situation as it was totally my decision to break up, so wanted it to be as painless as possible)

Pengggwn · 16/02/2018 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeniorRita · 16/02/2018 14:27

Does your ex realise that he may have to pay stamp duty on buying you out? My ex didn't and I ended up having to concede and pay half of it, just to keep the peace!

We (he) were lucky on that score, because he paid all the mortgage, so technically only his half of the house was mortgaged and we had a deed of trust to show I owned my half, he didn't have to pay stamp duty for the whole of the half he purchased from me, only the bit left on his half after the mortgage because he was not taking on half the mortgage, he already paid 100% of the mortgage..

But, when he found he had to pay nnay he told me I'd have to pay half, so I said sure, as long as he paid half my stamp duty on my purchase, which was higher. He shut up then.

StillSadAboutDrGreene · 16/02/2018 14:29

Are you actually in a position to get a whole mortgage on your own? Do you have a deposit? It doesn't sound like you are at all clear on how any of this works.

Minniemountain · 16/02/2018 14:44

Do you need his buyout money for your deposit or do you already have a deposit saved up yourself?
If the former, you would exchange contracts on your purchase once his solicitor sends yours the money, then could complete on your purchase a week later.

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