WWYD?

[AnyUsernameWillDo75]

DS(10) has two activities that he goes to. Let's call them A and B.

• He loves A but he's not the best at it.
• He is extremely talented at B but doesn't love it as much, although he enjoys it, just not as much.
• He started both at the same time last year, both on his request.
• Both activities will need him to practice more and more over the years, so at one point he will probably have to choose one over the other (but not yet, time is easily manageable at the moment).

Now he says he wants to drop B. I think it's because he's reached a higher level now and he needs to put in more time to practice, and he can't be bothered.

I don't want him to quit - I feel it would be a shame, a talent wasted and also I'd like him to give it a bit more time, he's too young/it's too early to make this choice (and keeping in mind he's better at B than A). But I don't want to force him either.

Any tips on how to convince a stubborn 10 year old? I appreciate it's important that he does what he likes, and I have had a chat with him telling him all of the above (minus the fact that he's better at B). He still insists that he wants to quit B. WWYD? Would you just let him quit (and take the chance that he might regret it later, and it would be too late then?)

To be fair neither violin or football are very likely to lead to a paying career except in exceptional circumstances which require talent plus years of hard graft and a true passion for it!

I had a similar thing with my DD several years ago and also last year.

Several years ago she had a hobby that she did that she got quite good at, and I felt she could have taken it quite a long way. After doing it for several years, she announced she wanted to quit, and wanted to try a new hobby. I told her to see the term out, and then if she wanted to quit, then I'd agree to it. She saw the term out, and quit. She took up her new hobby, and now several years on, she is competing at a national level and placing - she's doing really well, and loves this hobby, and wants to do it as a career. So giving up the first hobby was the right choice - the only one who was sad to see her quit was me!

But in contrast, last year she had a different hobby again (she does about four different things), which she said she wanted to quit. Again, this is something she's really good at, and could have a future in it - she's not going to get to the olympics, but could well compete within the country, and end up coaching/incorporating this hobby into her other one that she's competing nationally in now. I was really against her giving this one up, so we sat down and had a chat about it - and it turned out that she loves the hobby, but that she was having problems with the coaches, and that effectively she was being alternately ignored & bullied. So we moved clubs. The club she's in now doesn't offer the same facilities or opportunities, but she's actually improved at this hobby hugely - she learnt more in a month with them, than in a year with the previous club. And she's much happier. I think eventually she may end up giving it up, but for now, she's happy.

So my experience is first of all to work out why they want to give it up. If they genuinely just don't enjoy it anymore, then I don't think it's worth pushing. But if there's other issues that you can help with, then maybe something can be changed to make it more enjoyable. I also think that sticking to a set amount of time, and then letting them make a choice is reasonable.

He’s 10, there is no way anyone with any sense could confidently state he has sufficient talent for it to be a career.

The idea that someone would be dedicated enough to excel over the course of years in something they don’t even like very much is a nonsense.

Do you have any youth bands or orchestras (for fun) near you, OP?

Honestly- at early stages musical instruments can be dull, the practising is a pain ... he’d rather play football, fair enough! But I think a musical instrument is such a valuable skill to have, and do much easier to learn when you’re young, sonid encourage him to continue.

At secondary often opportunities for more bands/orchestras open up, and it would be a shame to quit before that became a consideration.

I quit my musical instrument at about 14/15. No massive regrets - I wasn’t that good! - but I’m glad I learned and was encouraged to keep going through the early stages.

To those who are talking about career etc
None of my posts/updates say that I want him to continue because he can make a career out of it. I want him to give it more time before deciding. I am NOT saying that he will, or should, become a professional or whatever. Just that he is very good at it and I don't want him to quit just because he can't be bothered with practice (because I think this is why, otherwise he loves working with his teacher etc) - yes it can get dull, but when he learns a piece and can play it, he really enjoys that. I don't think there is any harm in encouraging him to keep going, and that's what my WWYD is about.

The teacher didn't say he's good enough to become a professional, he wouldn't say anything irresponsible like that! he said he's very talented and I think it's ok to say that when a pupil is very good. He (the teacher) always insists that effort/practice is paramount. Also, DS started a year ago, not a few months.

Thank you those who have shared their experiences, it does help to gain more clarity.

NoSquirrels yes there is a youth band nearby but it's for the secondary school pupils so if DS is still playing by then, he might join and have more fun being in an orchestra with others his age.

I think you might have got different responses if you’d just said “My DS took up an instrument a year ago - his teacher says he’s got a real talent for it but DS has been talking about giving up - WWYD, let him quit or encourage him to keep going?”

The football/activity A is a red herring, I think, and side-tracked your thread a bit. Hopefully he’ll keep going - see if the teacher can suggest anything to make it more fun for a while?

My strategy with practice was, "Your bedroom needs tidying if you aren't doing any practice tonight." It was amazing how quickly she discovered a burning desire to practice her new piece.

I do think it helps when they get to senior school and can join orchestra/jazz band etc. It isn't that far off if he's 10.

NoSquirrels you're right. I guess in my head I was comparing his attitude to each activity but yes, it would've been clearer if I'd said what you said.

granny great strategy

According to his tutor he is talented enough for B to become a career.

The teacher didn't say he's good enough to become a professional, he wouldn't say anything irresponsible like that!

So, which is true?

Nibblertron both are true! His tutor mentioned it to me during a chat, but never puts that kind of pressure on DS, he does tell him he's doing really well though. And encourages him a lot. What's the problem???

Again, this is NOT about whether he makes a career out of it or not etc. It's about how I could convince DS to give it a bit more time just in case he regrets it later. There were some very helpful comments here, thank you. I think he will wait until end of this term and then we'll talk again. Then if he still doesn't want to continue, he'll quit.