“Wife and baby to support”

[Bebepoor]

I worked very hard to get a job with an employer offering great maternity. I then saved to be able to pay myself a full time salary over the 3 months on SMP and the 3 unpaid months of the 12 months mat leave I planned to take. Since I’ve been on mat leave we’re (very luckily) not seeing a real drop in income.

DH will not stop referring to “having to support a wife and baby” and “having a wife and baby at home” to gain discounts on things (eg product fee was knocked off our mortgage renewal; extra 3 years guarantee and servicing on our car) or sympathy or even just favours. He even got an early promotion at work because of his “young family”.

It makes me feel absolutely pathetic. Like I’m a drain. I hate it. He just thinks he’s being canny. AIBU?

I think it's more depressing that so many married women expect to have to fund their own maternity leave, as if they can't possibly be any financial inconvenience to their DH.

I agree that maternity leave should be funded by both husband and wife. I don't think that many married women think that only they should fund maternity leave. Most would expect it to be funded from joint savings which they had both contributed to from their earnings.

I don't think this about Op's "pride". Her dh is pedaling a load of sexist crap, not just in the hope of discounts.
Dh won't stop referring to Having a wife and baby to support to gain discounts, sympathy or even just favours

He's spouting this nonsense to gain sympathy? Bleurgh that's pathetic and probably indicates his deep rooted opinion of women's place in society.

Your Husband does have a wife and baby at home, he does have a young family and whilst yes you have sorted your finances out to support your leave I'm presuming that you rely on both incomes, so yes, he also wants to do his bit to support you both.
I cant see what the problem is at all, you have worked hard to do your bit why can he work hard to do his?
He is probably proud as punch with his family and wants to make sure he does his bit to 'protect you' both as he loves you, that doesnt make you pathetic, why should it?
You both work hard and support and protect your young family, so it happens in different ways.

I think just referring to having a baby would be enough.
"Supporting his wife" is a bit 1950s.

People give you discounts for having babies?

The scrounging would annoy me. If he'd just mentioned the new baby or having a family now, it would be different. But using 'wife and baby' wouldn't actually be worth the discount for me. I don't know if it's pride or just a sense of wanting things to be authentic.

In the ops situation if I had entirely self funded ML I would find it unplesant to have the other parent claiming he did it.

But if I was in the situation of having a ML with another capable parent involved I wouldn’t self fund it it would be down to the two parents involved

Yup, this thing of the woman saving for maternity leave that apparently happens is bullshit. It should be both.

Yes, from OP's point of view, the temptation must be to say 'actually you're not supporting me at all and we both pay for the baby', loudly and clearly.

Why didn't he save to cover the mat leave? Is he in a lower-paying job? How are child care costs going to be split when you go back to work?

As someone who's childless I'd be fuming if a colleague got a promotion or pay rise because they've got kids. It should be on ability alone.