Upset with DP!

[lostjanni]

OK, here goes, first post so please be nice haha.

Been with DP now for 5 years now and mentioned the desire for us to start trying to conceive and then he hits me with a bombshell!
He says when he was younger he was a super late developer like no signs of puberty til 17 and he is also quite small at five foot 5. He says because of this he doesn't want biological kids as he feels 'he will pass this stuff onto the kids' and he doesn't want them to go through the bullying he did.

Am i right to be pissed off? He says we can try other ways surely like sperm donor, adoption etc but i feel like this won't feel like the real deal for him.
AIBU?

He had a happy adoption, lovely amazing parents who fire on him

He says in one way he was 'popular' the funny clown kid. But he did suffer bullying.
I'm so confused right now I want to have his kids and have told him that but he is really adamant he doesn't want biological.

OP, I reckon he needs to consider genetic investigation and counselling and also counselling around his other issues, including the adoption, before a concrete decision not to have biological children.

Genetics is only one possible factor, and treatments are available these days that could help any children you may have.

I agree with all about counselling but you know what some guys are like will refuse and clam up when you even mention the gp let alone a counsellor.

We talked about it last night and have decided to look into sperm banks etc

You may have to go private then...I believe the NHS has trouble recruiting sperm donors now and it's in short supply (happy to be corrected), and quite frankly should be kept for those that need donated sperm

I think some of the replies on here are cruel.

Yes this is a massive bombshell to you but it’s obvious that your DP is really struggling with himself. I think he needs support, not being shipped off to sleep on the sofa.

He sounds like he has other, unresolved issues regarding his child, tbh. Do you think he may be concerned that his children inherit something ‘bad’ about his genetic parents, such as drug/alcohol abuse, abusive or neglectful personality?

I think as he doesn't know his 'real parents and anything about them he could be fearful.
He also mentioned this morning that he had an amazing home life and wouldn't it be amazing to give another child in his situation that

My DD has a genetic condition which means she is very small and is likely to have late puberty. There's a 50% chance she will pass it on to any children. But, she has a very mild form. In its most severe form it can cause heart problems, issues with eating and learning disabilities all of which are things a child of hers could have.

I think he might benefit from talking to a geneticist and finding out if there is a reason for his short stature and delayed puberty because those might be the least of the problems he could pass on to a child.

good idea nocake

I agree with all about counselling but you know what some guys are like will refuse and clam up when you even mention the gp let alone a counsellor.“

I don’t have much time for that perspective on counselling or health care nevertheless, would it help if you framed it as going to talk to a scientist rather than a counselor or Dr?