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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Well thanks a bunch DH

47 replies

JustVent · 14/02/2018 19:15

So we have a tradition, my relative gets M&S gift card for Christmas, we always save it for Valentine’s Day and get M&S dine in for 2, it’s always really good quality and we enjoy it.

DH has a hobby, his mate has the same. When our youngest is in bed at 7pm he goes round there and doesn’t come home until 11-12ish when we’re all asleep.

Tonight he comes home and says “You don’t mind if I still go out tonight do you?”
(He could go out on Friday instead) my knee jerk reaction was to say “what on Valentine’s Day? I thought we’d spend it together?” And then I remembered what money making bullshit Valentine’s Day was and said ‘fine’.

At 6.30pm I see that he’s taken the M&S food out of the fridge and he comes in and says “should be get the food on now? It takes an hour.”

This fucks me off because he wants to get the dinner on sooner so he can get round his mates house. Theres one thing ditching me after dinner, it’s quite another to rush it along so he isn’t late.

Apparently he wasn’t to know, I went to bed at 8pm last Valentine’s night so assumed I would be tonight. Hmm

Unsurprisingly, I turned the oven off and he’s gone out.
I am going to have the dinner with my eldest son instead.

I really wish I hadn’t dragged two arguing kids out in the rain to drive to the next city in order to get the food. What the fuck was the point?

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 14/02/2018 19:17

Sounds like a break down in comms. Just have it on Friday

Hownow39 · 14/02/2018 19:18

Annoying Angry

Original poster
JustVent · 14/02/2018 19:19

Communications?

We do it every single year, and I don’t remember going to bed at 8pm last year...

OP posts:
Leilaniiii · 14/02/2018 19:19

That is awful 😧. So sorry OP, what an arsehole your DH is.

RandomUsernameHere · 14/02/2018 19:23

I know how you feel. I didn't get so much as a card from DH. We're on holiday at the moment and he said he didn't bother because of that. As if a card would be difficult to pack?! I wrote him a nice card and got him a few little bits. He then went back to sleep so I took the DCs to breakfast on my own.

2kidsnopets · 14/02/2018 19:23

Boo hiss to your DH.

My valentines card from oh is still sitting on the worktop in it's plastic wrapper, unwritten. He didn't buy it until this afternoon. Not sure when he plans to write and give it to me!

liquidrevolution · 14/02/2018 19:28

We are doing the meal deal tomorrow. I have Pilates tonight BlushGrin

Also cards tomorrow as well.

Laiste · 14/02/2018 19:33

YANBU

The kind thing for him to have suggested would have been having the full usual valentine night tomorrow instead. Not rushing and pigging the valentine meal down as if to tick the box!

AdaColeman · 14/02/2018 19:36

That's massively disappointing for you OP.

Next time your relative sends a voucher, get yourself a treat, flowers or a cake maybe?

Trialsmum · 14/02/2018 19:36

Does he go to his mates every night or just wednesdays? We don’t really do Valentine’s Day so I wouldn’t care if dh went out but you had plans so it’s wrong of him to spoil them.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/02/2018 19:51

It's a bit selfish to go round his mate's for 5 hours several times a week. I can't imagine a hobby that would take that long. Poker? Playing an Xbox game? Confused

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/02/2018 19:52

I was thinking the same as Trial

Notso · 14/02/2018 19:59

Communications?

Yes because you obviously do mind him going out on Valentine's Day, but he somehow got the idea that you didn't mind.

Alloftheboys · 14/02/2018 20:08

Can I ask what the hobby is?
Does it bring money in? Like he makes something/repairs it and sells it on.
Or does he chuck a load of money at it or is it relatively zero cost?

He did the (most often man) thing of thinking that he could carry on with his nice time and you would fit round him.
Too right you should eat up. Don't wait for him. I'd let him know you aren't happy.

Original poster
JustVent · 14/02/2018 20:24

He only goes on Wednesdays.

It doesn’t bring money in. It’s a small, fiddly hobby which I doubt costs much at all.

OP posts:
Namethecat · 14/02/2018 20:27

Said to my husband last week that I didn't mind if he doesn't get me a card or pressies this year. He believed me !! LTB.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/02/2018 20:28

I'm thinking he makes miniature scale models of ships out of matchsticks.

melj1213 · 14/02/2018 20:31

Tbh I think YABU

Yes you have a Valentine's night in tradition but he also has a long standing Wednesday night commitment.

He asked if you minded if he still did his Wednesday night hobby and you said that it was fine.

You can't hold it against him if he took that at face value and continued under the assumption that you would still have your Valentine's meal just a bit earlier to accommodate both commitments.

Alloftheboys · 14/02/2018 20:32

In that case he's been very inconsiderate.
(Was trying to see if you needed hobby money as a source of income)

When you next see him inform him that next Valentines is set in stone and you've arranged a night out or afternoon off for yourself. Get him to fit round your plans for a change.

LouHotel · 14/02/2018 20:37

Bit of a breakdown in communication.

At the point it was decided he wouldnt be home you as a couple should have picked another day for a meal.

We're doing our on Saturday.

Topseyt · 14/02/2018 20:40

Did you actually tell him, or were you trying to hone his psychic abilities?

Valentine's Day isn't too much of a big deal in this house. We did a card each and yesterday DH bought a couple of Tesco ready meals with a bottle of wine. It was surprisingly nice.

If it is important to you then you have to say so.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/02/2018 20:41

See I would have said "Of course I mind you going out, it's Valentines Day and I've got this nice food in like we always do". Some men are simple souls (mine certainly is) best to just say what you mean.

LuckyAmy1986 · 14/02/2018 20:52

Yes definitely to just saying what you want and mean (as above). I have found that sometimes in the past I let myself get very upset and wound up when my DH didn't do certain things (valentines/mothers day etc) off his own back. It would be nice if he did it off his own back, but some people just aren't like that so just make it clear what you expect.

Curtainshopping · 14/02/2018 20:53

I think that as you’d already agreed to him going out, then why does it matter what or when you eat? You weren’t doing Valentine’s.

I think he can’t do right for doing wrong!

LuckyAmy1986 · 14/02/2018 20:53

I think try not to get too upset, when he comes home have a calm chat and say you were upset he went and from now on if an important occasion or tradition falls on a Wednesday that you would appreciate if he left the hobby for that night.