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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Well thanks a bunch DH

47 replies

JustVent · 14/02/2018 19:15

So we have a tradition, my relative gets M&S gift card for Christmas, we always save it for Valentine’s Day and get M&S dine in for 2, it’s always really good quality and we enjoy it.

DH has a hobby, his mate has the same. When our youngest is in bed at 7pm he goes round there and doesn’t come home until 11-12ish when we’re all asleep.

Tonight he comes home and says “You don’t mind if I still go out tonight do you?”
(He could go out on Friday instead) my knee jerk reaction was to say “what on Valentine’s Day? I thought we’d spend it together?” And then I remembered what money making bullshit Valentine’s Day was and said ‘fine’.

At 6.30pm I see that he’s taken the M&S food out of the fridge and he comes in and says “should be get the food on now? It takes an hour.”

This fucks me off because he wants to get the dinner on sooner so he can get round his mates house. Theres one thing ditching me after dinner, it’s quite another to rush it along so he isn’t late.

Apparently he wasn’t to know, I went to bed at 8pm last Valentine’s night so assumed I would be tonight. Hmm

Unsurprisingly, I turned the oven off and he’s gone out.
I am going to have the dinner with my eldest son instead.

I really wish I hadn’t dragged two arguing kids out in the rain to drive to the next city in order to get the food. What the fuck was the point?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustVent · 14/02/2018 20:53

Yes I told him, we talked about it and we’re both looking forward to it.

OP posts:
LashingsOfHamAndGingerBeer · 14/02/2018 22:00

I reckon he paints and plays with those little Warhammer figures!

Original poster
JustVent · 14/02/2018 22:09

I love how people try and guess the hobby, as though it makes any difference 😂😂

I wasn’t going to be specific in case his friends DW was on here, but fuck it - they make models and paint them. Aeroplanes and stuff.

I really like that he has one night away a week, I can watch all my crap TV in peace.
And I begrudgingly said it was ok tonight but I draw the line at him hurrying the food along so he can get going.
I don’t want to rush my dinner, I want to have a relaxed dinner while we chat.
Or none at all as the case was.

OP posts:
expertonnothing · 14/02/2018 22:11

I think the important question here is, what is this elusive hobby??

My DH and i don't have hobbies Sad

Original poster
JustVent · 14/02/2018 22:17

You crossposted you wally.

My hobbie is wine, roast dinners, wondering why I’m so fat and Bananagram.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/02/2018 22:22

Glad you've cleared up the hobby mystery OP for us nosy people Wink

You have a right to moan. There's no point having an M & S Dine for 2 meal if you're bolting it down with one leg out the door, dreaming about painting your spitfire. Those meals aren't cheap for a start!

Hope you feel better for venting and are now watching lots of crap tv in peace.

Original poster
JustVent · 14/02/2018 22:26

I am, thank you.

I even took my valentines card for him out of the recycling and put I back on the window sill.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/02/2018 22:34
Grin
GabsAlot · 14/02/2018 22:49

you said its money making bolocks so why buy an expensive meal in

you either want to celebrate or you dont

Original poster
JustVent · 14/02/2018 23:03

Because it wasn’t. M&S is expensive, but it’s a great deal on Valentine’s Day and we have the gift card. So we get a lot, for nothing. As I said in my OP.

I mean, I would love for M&S to do it always but I can’t make them.
And we do it every year.

It’s a bullshit tradition that we take full advantage of. Clearly DH wanted to be with his friend more than he wanted to eat free food with me.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/02/2018 23:08

TBF most people agree Valentines is money making bollocks and then buy something.
Everyone agrees Easter Eggs are overpriced but stock up anyway.
Mother's Day is an over hyped marketing ploy but we buy a card.

I think it's good to remain cynical but still grudgingly participate

GabsAlot · 15/02/2018 00:00

i dont participate its exactly what they want u to do then every year on mn come the threads of guess what my dp didnt get me this year

and people wonder why

MotherofaSurvivor · 15/02/2018 00:07

Oh get a grip! Try being single and being alone!

Moaning and whinging about when the food was put in the bloody oven will just drive him away!!!

Original poster
JustVent · 15/02/2018 00:11

Gabs you clearly missed the part where I said several times “we do this every year.” And “We talked about it and looked forward to it.” And “we take full advantage [of a free meal.”

MotherofSaviour don’t make up my past. Don’t assume I’ve never been single Hmm
Take your little pity party somewhere else 🎻

OP posts:
alotalotalot · 15/02/2018 00:40

But every year doesn't clash with his regular Wednesday. I wouldn't mind but I would save the nice meal until another night. Trying to rush the nice meal tonight is unreasonable.

lou1221 · 15/02/2018 07:33

My dh got in from work at 9.40 (should be home 7.30 latest), it took me texting a 'when u home message' for him to bother saying happy val, hadn't spoke all day (he leaves at 6am).

I had done a lovely roast, which by the time he got home, wasn't very nice. He moaned that I hadn't written loads of words in his card. Yea his card was lovely, nice words, but then ruins it by, allegedly tidying up kitchen, going on laptop for urgent work, and to top it all, "you said we're not doing presents..." I didn't, and I did, only a dvd but even so. I go into kitchen to find he'd done f all tidying. he then wakes me at 4.40 putting landing light on, arghh.

Leilaniiii · 15/02/2018 08:15

...they make models and paint them. Aeroplanes and stuff.

Better than going to the pub and coming home bladdered. Still hurtful, though.

Maidenvoyage1 · 15/02/2018 08:28

If he goes out every Wednesday then I don’t really see a huge issue.

CollectingCoins · 15/02/2018 08:45

What timeline did you envisage? He suggested putting dinner on at 6.30 and it takes an hour to do. So begin eating about 7.30/7.45. Would you normally eat later than this?
By the time you’ve finished and tidied up (or would he leave that for? That would piss me off) it would be 8.30 or so.That’s already a lot later than he normally goes? What time were you expecting him too leave? Or did you want to leave food until another night and if so why didn’t you say so?
It seems like crossed wires and different expectations of his dinner and regular Weds activity should be accommodated.

MoistCantaloupe · 15/02/2018 09:27

Moaning and whinging about when the food was put in the bloody oven will just drive him away!!!

Oh yes, must never complain about anything and smile politely in case we upset the men and 'drive them away'. eye roll.

snash12 · 15/02/2018 09:58

I mean, I would love for M&S to do it always but I can’t make them.

M&S do a meal deal most of the time, not always as good as the Valentines one but still a good meal with a bottle of wine or posh soft drink :)

Original poster
JustVent · 15/02/2018 10:16

not always as good as Valentine’s Day.

Exactly.

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