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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU? Playdate

72 replies

Soopydoopy · 13/02/2018 20:05

A couple of weeks ago, SIL asked if her DS (7) could come play with my DS (18 months) as her DS really likes my DS. Very cute for an older kid to want to spend time with a toddler so I happily agreed.

She suggested Wednesday and I agreed, details TBC later. I texted her this evening and suggested that they come in the morning and stay for lunch, then just assuming they'd wander off as my DS would have his nap.

She had hoped she could drop her DS off for the whole day while she did other stuff. She says it's crossed wires and her DS is desperate to spend the day with us and just assumed it would be all day.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Would other parents here assume that a playdate with a toddler would last all day and their parent would not be present?

Thanks

OP posts:

user1471443504 · 14/02/2018 08:04

My sisters say 'x misses her cousins, are you in so we can pop over' and they come with them and stay for a cuppa while the kids play. Or they say 'any chance you could have X for me' as they need to go out somewhere. I'm fine with both as the intentions are clear.
I don't have any cf in laws but I wouldn't be happy being misled like that either. Yes he's her nephew so really the sil should have just been honest and asked the favour. She obviously knew she was being cheeky. Works both ways, if op should be grateful and happy to spend time with her nephew then why wouldn't sil want to come and see her toddler nephew as well?

Branleuse · 14/02/2018 08:08

id tell her that you are happy to babysit for a couple of hours but not the whole day and youre sorry but thats all you can offer

BeyondThePage · 14/02/2018 08:08

I would ask her "what is wrong? how can I help?"

She hasn't done this before, hasn't asked you to babysit and is now trying to get you to look after her child for some reason. She may have a reason - might be desperate rather than cheeky.

Steeley113 · 14/02/2018 08:08

I’d just call her out ‘do you need me to babysit SIL? It’s ok to ask and if I can, I will but I’d rather you just asked normally!’

YouTheCat · 14/02/2018 08:15

I don't see why OP should spend a whole day of her annual leave, that she's had to take because of her own childcare issues, to look after her cf sil's child. It's not like she needs the help because she has to go to work.

I'd leave it at the morning only.

Chugalug · 14/02/2018 08:31

That's hillarious ....you gave a cf there

Original poster

Soopydoopy · 14/02/2018 08:51

My sisters say 'x misses her cousins, are you in so we can pop over' and they come with them and stay for a cuppa while the kids play.

This is exactly what I thought we'd organised. I'd even sorted out a nice lunch for the four of use and was quite looking forward to it!

Apparently she has some form for CF-ery with the PILs but I've kept well out of it!

I've offered to take DN for a day in the future but only two hours this morning. Let's hope SIL pitches up to get DN when she is supposed to - I know she'd arranged lunch and shopping with friends this afternoon so I doubt she's best pleased!

OP posts:

Funnyface1 · 14/02/2018 08:55

It doesn't matter if she's best pleased or not, I think what she's done is really rude.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 14/02/2018 09:15

Sod whether she's best pleased!

If she does do anything cheeky about being late or ringing up with an 'emergency' you would have every right to refuse any sort of childcare or 'play date' in the future and cite her actions today as the reason why so she'll have totally shot herself in the foot

MissMooMoo · 14/02/2018 09:17

I would be happy to do this for my sister.
Put a film on for older child whilst toddler naps

welliments · 14/02/2018 10:23

Wow, I can’t believe how many people would get really worked up about this!

thethoughtfox · 14/02/2018 10:46

This isn't a playdate because the children aren't similar age and won't be 'playing' together. This is childcare.

chanie44 · 14/02/2018 10:52

I don't think that looking after DN is the issue, it's more the dishonesty around what it is - it's not a play date, it's childcare.

My SIL guilt trips OH into having DN, in a similar way.
SIL dresses it up as 'DN keeps asking to come over/wants to spend time with his cousins/You are the only father figure DN has'. In reality, SIL wants childcare.

Allthewaves · 14/02/2018 10:56

I'd be blunt after this and say 'sil I.don't mind having dn if you need me to.look after her once in a while but I'd rather you just asked outright so u know where I stand' but I'm blunt

kmmr · 14/02/2018 11:04

I’d fully expect a 7 year old to be dropped off rather than a ‘playdate’. And I’d be happy to have my nephew all day, and night if needed. As someone said above, I actually love spending time with my nephew anyway, so it’s not a chore.

To leap from one play date to ‘she’ll drop him for school holidays’ is a big assumption. And a 7 year old is easy to look after and also to bring along to things. He will probably be a great help at the visit.

blackteasplease · 14/02/2018 11:44

Yanbu.

She is a c.f.!

But as others have said you have plans. So just tell her that.

sportyfool · 14/02/2018 11:54

Just say sorry you have plans !!

Hissy · 14/02/2018 11:57

Thing is, if she had been honest at the start, if you are anything like me, you'd probably be OK with it, but the deliberately vague and foggy arrangements are what would have me politely declining anything more than a short visit.

I think you have done the right thing. she knows you know what she tried to pull and i would hope she won't try it again.

MrsPreston11 · 14/02/2018 12:08

Let us know when she comes to pick him up!

Original poster

Soopydoopy · 14/02/2018 13:03

She came about half an hour ago, more or less on time! DN was brilliantly behaved and actually played with DS for about 20 minutes, during which time I sat quietly on the sofa. Bliss.

I've said that I'd be happy to take DN again and that we should be more specific about what exactly we mean when we suggest a playdate.

Thanks for the support all

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 14/02/2018 13:08

Well done op. given it’s your annual leave it was bloody rude.

SpoonfulOfJam · 14/02/2018 13:34

I absolutely love having nieces that kind of age come to stay. They entertain and play with my smaller ones- we can go to soft play and I don't have to go in. They eat everything I make them to eat.

My elders has been to stay at my sisters a couple of times now.

I love seeing the cousins develop their relationships.

So it can be s very positive thing, but she sounds like a cf. my sister and I don't often ask, but we will be honest with our requests for the odd afternoon of free childcare from family.

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