AIBU to be annoyed he changed his mind about marriage

[trippingup]

We've been together a year and I've moved in with him and his kids. We fell in love and he was always saying he wanted to marry me - now he says 'never say never' but he doesn't want to get married. I just feel like he gave me false hope. I'd started thinking about what I wanted my wedding to be like and I was excited. It made me feel really secure. I know its not the 'be all and end all' of life but I just feel sad about it. I do a lot for him and his kids and I just think now maybe I should take a step back and do more for myself... like save all my money for myself and not pay for things. He does say we will be together forever and he adores me so maybe I'm being immature and selfish.

Get out now. He's using you.

I'd be outta there, but if you really don't want to LTB, don't also rope him in to your social life. Meet people/make friends of your own, NOT through him, whether that's joining a gym/health club or other hobby. It's not easy, but you need an outlet that's nothing to do with him.

'I just think like everyone is saying that i'm giving a lot and he isn't giving up anything.'

It's way beyond that. He is using you. He gets someone to babysit whilst he has the kids, half the bills, housework, sex. He has isolated you from your support network and his tactic is working - instead of your first instinct being, 'Hey, wait! I'm getting shafted here!' you think, 'I just need to integrate more.' NO, that's not the best solution for you. Your life will be far, far less complicated and enjoyable without this man and his baggage. Why on Earth do you think that's the best you can do and deserve? Some guy with all this baggage?

Do you realise you have NO rights just now? If you displease him, don't tow his line, he can just throw you out with no notice. Just 'This isn't working out, you'll need to leave,' and you will have to go.

He'll never marry you. If you want marriage in the future, you need to leave now.

You'll never have an equal, fulfilling and committed partnership until you learn to value yourself and your goals and what you want out of life as much as you value any man or relationship.

Get away from him and take some time out to explore your boundaries and what you want and need out of life.

This guy and his baggage are a non-starter.

using you. Escape

Ok, so you aren't paying rent, just a share of the bills? That seems reasonable (as long as it's limited to the usual utilities/council tax etc and not eg his building's insurance). These would be bills that you'd have to pay wherever you lived, surely? And you're no longer paying rent whereas you would if you lived away from him? On the face of it, it does sound that you'd actually be better off (other than the food bill and additional travel). Take the money you're saving and use it towards a property of your own if that's a concern (which stays in your name under the same arrangement as your other half's stays in his).

In terms of his children, you're spending time with them, not babysitting them, if he's there too. That's inevitable when you move into any home with occupants other than your OH (be it children or otherwise).

To be honest, it does sound like you may just have second thoughts about being with him in this particular situation (different town, marriage possibly no longer on the table, sharing a house with his kids etc). That much change is a lot to deal with. If that's the case, then you don't need to find "reasons" not to be there, the fact that you don't want to be is reason enough.

I second what Zintox said. If you continue to live in this way, committed to him, but without building up assets of your own in the form of your own home somewhere, you are in an extremely vulnerable position.

Also it is very wrong that he led you to believe he wanted to get married, now does not want to but has not apologised, not talked through with you this change of mind, not asked you how you feel now,
and not asked you what you would like to do now in light of all this.

If he wants you to sign this about his house (to protect him and his DC no doubt), then he should also be suggesting ways you both can set up security for you in your turn.