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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect 4 year old DD to stop peeing in her pants?!?!

34 replies

Eleusis · 01/05/2007 20:04

Oh I so hope loads of other people come on here and tell my their 4 year does this too -- but I dare say they won't.

GRRRRRRRRRRR...

OP posts:
kittyhas6 · 01/05/2007 20:06

Well, my 3 1/2 year old does so EVERY day without fail.
Her 5 year old sister still has the odd accident, more frequently so at night and certainly did when she was 4.
It drives me mad.
Their older brothers were dry day and night by 3 1/2.
I was always told that boys are harder to train than girls

Original poster
Eleusis · 01/05/2007 20:17

My other child is a boy (almost 2 years old) and I think he might be trained first.

I have banned all treats from her life until she stops peeing in her pants. If she is at a birthday party she can have them, or cookies after church are okay. But it is otherwise fruit for her while others cave cake, chocolate, biscuits, whatever.

Earlier this week I told her I'd buy her a pair of crocs if she could make it to Friday without peeing in her pants. But, she blew it today.

OP posts:
clayre · 01/05/2007 20:20

my four year old wets nearly everyday, not the full wee just dribbles cos she can't be bothered going to the toilet! I tried shouting and threatening and have just started ignoring it now and just telling her to take off the wet pants and put on clean ones

kittyhas6 · 01/05/2007 20:24

have you had her checked for uti's?

elfinblast · 01/05/2007 20:26

My eldest girl used to poo in her pants. She was (previously) fully toilet trained. I never knew why she did it.

Rather than promising presents if she didn't do it I'd take a toy away everytime she did.
2 days she lasted.

Original poster
Eleusis · 01/05/2007 20:27

No, but I'm convinced it is an attitude thing. A couple weeks ago the nanny took something away from her at the table because she was being naughty, so as an act of rebellion she opend the flood gates. I can only image what nanny's face looked like.

OP posts:
rabbleraiser · 01/05/2007 20:30

It's a bladder thing

One thing's for sure. She won't be weeing in her pants when she goes to Uni.

So don't worry about it.

Original poster
Eleusis · 01/05/2007 20:30

Elfin, we've been doing that for many months. So this last weekend I decided to do something positive and offer a reward (she really wants a pair of crocs) rather than threatening a punishment. Although when I got home tonight and told her that nanny had told me she peed in her pants, she tilted her head and said "Can I still..." And I abruptly said "No you can't. No Crocs. And no cake." She looked shocked. So I'm thinking that maybe she didn't take the deal seriously.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 01/05/2007 20:33

ds (4.5) went through a couple of weeks of it a few weeks ago, EVERY wee some was in his pants, more than just a tiny dribble but not the whole lot. and peeing alot more frequently. I was just about to get a sample and take it to the docs to get tested for a uti and it stopped. v wierd.

sauce · 01/05/2007 20:37

My ds will be 4 in August & regularly wees into his Easy-Ups. Poos are now in the loo, thank heaven.

NappyValley · 01/05/2007 20:45

Now she knows you are serious, maybe using the same treat with a new goal date and a sticker chart to help her see progress toward the goal would help? So each day she stays dry she can put a sticker on it and a big black cross if she is not? Just thoughts. Good luck it must be very frustrating for you.

jabberwocky · 01/05/2007 20:51

Ds1 is 3.8 and has had a complete potty training regression. I'm assuming much of it is b/c of his new baby brother but some of it was caused by a fecal impaction (sorry if tmi!) So that caused poo accidents that he couldn't help and then the wee ones just seemed to start as well, like he sort of gave up on the whole thing or something. The dr. said to just start over with potty training but it is really annoying!

One thing I have noticed is that if I keep him stripped from the waist down he will go to the potty. So on warm days when we are not going anywhere that is what I do. Am also trying the prize incentive for no accidents but it doesn't produce consistently good results atm.

sauce · 01/05/2007 20:53

yes, one of the main reasons I'm looking forward to having dc home all summer is so that I can let ds run around bare-bummed & thereby remember to use the loo!

elliott · 01/05/2007 21:02

My ds1 was like this. He didn't really learn to recognise he needed to go to the toilet for a long time after he was 'trained' - i.e. I could manage his toileting reasonably successfully by making him go to the toilet often enough, but he was pretty bad if left to his own devices. When he went to preschool he had a major relapse (I think mostly because he suddenly had to take the initiative for the first time) and was wet almost daily (not fully wet usually). I think it was partly a bladder thing and partly a motivation thing - but definitely something that he found difficult (much more difficult than most kids), so not really something he was doing 'deliberately'. I tried rewards and star charts, also withdrawing privileges, but nothing was effective. Eventually he grew out of it and with the wisdom of hindsight I wish I had just been a whole lot more laid back about it.
The only practical tip I can offer (apart from just to completely ease off) is to encourage lots of fluid intake - its supposed to help them sense when they need to go and therefore help the learning process.

Ds1 is nearly 5.5 now and has been brilliant for at least 6 months - and even dry at night now too! Its amazing now just to be able to forget about it and be able to rely on him to take responsibility.
Sorry for the long post

sauce · 01/05/2007 21:06

I've come to the conclusion that ds is just bloody-minded & will give up his nappies when he's good & ready!

youhavegottobekidding · 08/04/2009 22:04

v interesting my DD is the same - 4.5 and never a dry day. unf no advice to what I should do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have heard that when they start school, that's it no more wet pants (haven't had a wet pair at nursery for ages now).

youhavegottobekidding · 08/04/2009 22:04

v interesting my DD is the same - 4.5 and never a dry day. unf no advice to what I should do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have heard that when they start school, that's it no more wet pants (haven't had a wet pair at nursery for ages now).

Plonker · 08/04/2009 22:14

My dd2 is now 6 and still has accidents - it drives me insane!!

It is totally behavioural with her (did take her to gp's because I was concerned) and is basically because she is so distracted with everything else around her.

She is such a busy little bee, always has something to do, something to distract her, so she either 'forgets' to go, or else she puts it to the back of her mind until she absolutely has to go and then gets caught short

I'm with you - 'tis v v frustrating

blametheparents · 08/04/2009 22:16

I second nappyvalley's idea. Give a sticker chart so that she can see she is working towards her goal. DD has a chart like this and it is pretty visual and shows her clearly that when she gets 7 stickers she will get her prize. I too put a big black cross against any days where she has an accident.
It is really working [fingers crossed emotion]

qwertpoiuy · 08/04/2009 22:20

I had the same problem with DD1 when she was 4. This is the advice I received from somebody on Mumsnet, and it worked.
Ask her to go to the toilet every half hour. If she won't go because she's watching TV, switch off the TV and remind her she's missing more Fifi/Dora the longer she takes to go to the toilet.
Within a few days, she was going to the toilet on her own.

twinklytoes · 08/04/2009 22:45

would hope she's sorted now - this thread is 2yrs old

Plonker · 08/04/2009 23:01

bloody hell

I didn't notice

Gentle · 08/04/2009 23:09

I think it's youhavegottobekidding who needs the advice now as s/he resurrected it.

My DD was dry for 2 years and then started to wet herself at about four and a half. We had some chats, checked for UTIs, tried easier to remove clothes, and no luck.

Then during a chat about why does she wait until she's almost bursting, she let slip that she did it because it "feels nice." You can probably guess what we talked about next. It only happened a couple of times after that.

sickbubby · 08/04/2009 23:10

it might be 2 years old but thanks for the 1/2 toilet suggestion and turning TV off, am training my 3 year old and often get the I do need to go only to be faced with wet pants 5 mins later. Will certainly try your advice qwertpoiuy

sickbubby · 08/04/2009 23:12

meant I do NOT need to go, just reread what I wrote!!!