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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to murder my ex in as slow and painful way as possible?

60 replies

Chunkylover · 12/02/2018 21:06

Joking —I think—

I just need a rant! I’m as calm as calm can be towards him but tonight’s thread is dedicated to his ability to completely fucking re-write history. The smallest of things, the big things.

His brain completely fucking alternates what actually happened.

‘Co-parenting’ with someone with the emotional intelligence of a 10 year old is fucking hard work

OP posts:
Original poster
Chunkylover · 12/02/2018 23:18

Just another anecdote to persuade you of my case. I left cos he was awful, like really awful.
He accused me of seeing someone else cos it just wouldn’t compute that I’d want to be single. Like how could I prefer being alone than being with someone who loved me like him???
You know loved me enough to do absolutely nothing for me or dd, who expected to be treated like royalty but who spoke to me like shit. And the clincher, how on earth could I want to leave someone who regularly came home so drunk he would cover the whole house in vomit and piss himself

The mind boggles as to why I’d not go running back Grin

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averylongtimeago · 12/02/2018 23:20

You have the offer of a field- and my DH has a JCB.........

thequeenoftarts · 12/02/2018 23:20

Overdose of insulin, then a nice big jcb followed by a lime pit. Job done hahaha

Original poster
Chunkylover · 12/02/2018 23:20

Oooooh the German shepherds!!

I love them!

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thequeenoftarts · 12/02/2018 23:23

Ye can all club in together for lime lol

Queenofthedrivensnow · 12/02/2018 23:25

Chunky - tick I had the drunk incontinence. too. Lush that was.
Babymother #2 I wish you luck i really do. But I'm glad you own the house and you can kick him out when it goes to shit. Which it will

GinAndSonic · 12/02/2018 23:29

My kids dad last saw them for two hours a year ago, and before that it was august 2016. He finally asked to see them at Christmas and I ignored him as it's obvious at this point that it's just going to be another exercise in upsetting them. He messaged yesterday asking what they look like now and ended with "lol". So if there's spare room for a very large useless man in one of these holes for exes, could we stick mine in there too?

SleepIsForTheWeek · 12/02/2018 23:31

Room for mine in that field?

NeverTwerkNaked · 12/02/2018 23:32

Can I chuck my ex in too please Grin ideally a death that is slow, painful and humiliating

AdoraBell · 12/02/2018 23:33

Here you go Chunky 😊

thequeenoftarts · 12/02/2018 23:34

Room for em all lol, septic tank here too, how many can we hide in there

Queenofthestress · 12/02/2018 23:34

Please please add mine and his fucking batshit obsessive mother!

thequeenoftarts · 12/02/2018 23:39

Roaring trade in disposing of exes I see, might give up the day job just for the customer satisfaction lol

Queenofthestress · 12/02/2018 23:49

You'd be minted lol

NeverTwerkNaked · 13/02/2018 07:39

Every time my parents ask what I want for my birthday / Christmas I say “a hitman” Grin. They seem to think I’m joking.

Busytizzy · 13/02/2018 07:44

Have you got space for one more? He might take up extra space with his inflated sense of self-righteousness though.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 13/02/2018 07:46

Ahhhh, when I was part way through the very stressful break up with my ex I had a dream that he died unexpectedly. I woke up with such a deep feeling of peace that it took me a while to work out why, and remember my dream and then remember it was just a dream... was lovely though

bluepears · 13/02/2018 07:47

ybu you should never joke about killing someone Biscuit

TheSassyAssassin · 13/02/2018 07:49

Adding mine into the slurry mix please...he is the biggest fuck-without-the-wit I have ever known...am not gonna write it on here but let's just say, you know Tosser-land where all the exes on here originate from? He is the King of it and is so good represents them and is currently the frickin Olympic record holder...anyway patios, acres, dogs etc...it's all good Grin

Original poster
Chunkylover · 13/02/2018 07:58

Adora they’re beautiful. I had a Belgian Shepherd growing up.

For the record, I’m soft as shite and would never actually raise my hand to anyone let alone kill them. If he disappeared off the face of the earth then I’d be fine with that too Grin

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hungryhippo90 · 13/02/2018 08:00

One more reservation for queen acres please!... on second thought!..1..2...3..4- we could put his whole family in!

FartyMcLetFly · 13/02/2018 08:04

What you all need is a MNer with a pig farm........ Grin

(sadly I don't but I'd offer the piggy services if I did!)

LakieLady · 13/02/2018 08:08

I'm over it now, but there was a long period when I'd happily have murdered my ex myself, chopped him up and fed him to the dogs. My biggest disappointment was the snowy night he got home from work 12 hours late.

In my head, he was dying of hypothermia in a ditch somewhere and I was spending his death in service benefits and pension money. I'd have been a very merry widow!

He divorced me for unreasonable behaviour and the affidavit in support was the biggest rewriting of history ever.

Lovely dogs, btw, Adora.

Original poster
Chunkylover · 13/02/2018 08:17

I’d love to be able to get my point across to him, like actually make him see what he’s actually like. Like in a court of law or by writing an essay Grin

It would be titled “let me prove you’re a twat” and I’d quote memes and texts and have evidence in the appendix.

You said a, I can prove it was b, please see appendix number 7889 and 9453.

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Original poster
Chunkylover · 13/02/2018 08:19

Lakie how did the divorce go? Did you accept the affidavit?

Suppose one thing we can say is that we don’t have to do shit for them anymore, or lie next to them and listen to them snore like jet skis

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