cricket-playing girl (11) and 'fat letter'

[morningtoncrescent62]

This morning's BBC Breakfast featured an item where sad-faced Daisy and her mother talked about receiving a letter from the school saying she was overweight. Leaving aside the rights and wrongs of these letters, AIBU to think it's horrendous to see a girl of this age being asked to talk about her distress about her body image on national TV? These are really sensitive issues, and I can't imagine it's helping her to be in the media spotlight. The presenters were as kind to her as they could be, but she was monosyllabic, head down, throughout. Surely there are better ways that this issue could have been brought to media attention without the public shaming of an 11-year-old?

I can't find the BBC Breakfast item but here she is on her local news.

DD - who was slightly overweight from about age 10 to 13, and is now a tall slim sixth-former - says that she would have found it easier if everyone had had the Enid Blyton/Chalet School attitude of 'Bit of puppy fat and you'll soon 'fine down' if you put down the cake and run around more!' rather than the careful tiptoeing round the issue that we all actually tried.

She looks at earlier photos and says, 'I mean, come on Mum, I was clearly too fat!' and I think, 'Yes, but we were trying not to say that in order to preserve your fragile self-esteem and avoid eating disorders, you ungrateful child.'

The schools will weigh them anyway regardless of whether you consent or not

Really? Our schools have always asked for consent and he NHS website states that children do not have to take part.
If the school do it despite the parent saying no then that is a really serious issue. Eldest DD is in year 6 and we havnt had a letter yet but I will be making sure she knows that she dosnt have to and she can disobey the teachers if they say she does.

Upside all year six heights and weight have now been completed. They take place across the whole country throughout November and the cut off for getting absentees was last Friday. It is my understanding that the whole country is done at the same time to enable the data to be analysed etc. (I could be wrong so don't hold me to that!)

Same experience as Kitties - I wish people would have told me I was a bit chubby and discussed healthy eating/portion size, encouraged me to do more sports etc. Incidentally we moved further away from school when I was a young teenager, and a good hour of walking meant I slimmed down, but it could have gone the other way because nobody wanted to make an issue out of it.

I have seen many posts and articles about outraged parents receiving the letters. Always "But my child does x sport!". I have not seen one yet where the child was actually slim, like the parents claimed. It's entirely possible to play cricket and still be overweight.

Bloody stupid of her mother. Poor kid.

WreckTangled

Thats strange, I have just asked dd and she has definately not been weighed.

Do any parents that get the 'your child is overweight' letter actually act on it? Some people are clearly not good at managing their kids weight, as is evident by a number of quite large children at my ds primary school.

Lots of people on here say they got the letter and just binned it. So just wondering if this actually helps anyone to think and start to manage their childrens health? Or does everyone just bin it thinking it must be wrong?

YANBU.My eldest was a touch overweight on the basis of the test and we got the letter. They've not seen the letter but XH and I put a few changes in place with.food options etc. I took it as helpful prod for parents and not necessarily for the child's eyes. TV interview sounds horrendous.

I wonder how many parents refusing to allow their child to be weighed and measured, will be complaining in the future about lack of planning/funding for children's health services.

My elder daughter was slender, could eat anything and did a reasonable amount of activity ( dance, kayaking, lots of school pe ) at that age. She physically takes after my husband in many ways. Her sister at that age ate less, didnt have a sweet tooth at all, no opportunity for snacks, was very active ( multiple dance classes, school football team) but was chubby for a while and the shortest - and youngest - in the class. We are a generally fit active family and eat very healthily.

My brother pointed out that I had gone though a similar pre-puberty phase , then suddenly , whoosh, I had grown four inches and turned into a slender adolescent, all legs and arms and one of the tallest in the class. There are photos of me that look 6 years apart but are only 6 months. It took another year, but that is exactly what happened to my youngest and she remains trim and very sporty.

I would not have shared a letter like that with my daughter and certainly wouldn't have subjected her to public humiliation.

I had a phone call about this regarding my dd(11) a few weeks ago. Informing me she is overweight and qualified for assistance.
By 4lbs!!!!!!!!!!!
I opted out of receiving the letter telling me she is overweight, also did not got five consent for her measurements to be included in government statistics.
While I agree that obesity in children is an issue that needs addressing these measurements do not taken into account the individual.

*give

Sweet ime not many parents do anything. Some of them phone to complain and say that the scales must be wrong/they eat all the right things/exercise loads etc etc but no one generally says actually you're right please can you offer some support.

It's usually the underweight children whose parents ask for help.

Also if a child was measured in reception too we can see how far they've jumped up the lines (or down/stayed the same), lots of the very overweight children will have gone from 50th to over 99th so that's a clear indication that they're putting on too much weight.

Made me really annoyed. They said they believe in being open and honest, but there are things an 11 year old does not need to know. It’s THEIR fault she is overweight and it is up to THEM to sensibly and sensitively amend their eating habits to help her.

What else do they share with her??
Darling, I’m about to give dad a blow job, I want to be really open and honest so why don’t you come and watch?

loveinanelevator why all the exclamation marks?

Your DD is overweight. The letter simply informed you of this.

The problem is, approximately 1 in 5 kids start primary school overweight/obese and approximately 1 in 3 kids are leaving primary school overweight/obese.

That means many parents have had around 7 years since the first letter, to make the necessary changes but in many cases it's simply not happening.

It really shouldn't be taken so personally.

The girl is a bit overweight but it's hardly the end of the world. The fact that she does cricket is obviously not preventing her putting on weight so it's not really anything to do with it. It should be possible to make the parents aware without them taking offence. They can then stop giving her so much sugar or whatever small changes are needed.

And what on earth is the point of stopping your child being weighed at school? Whether they are fat is not to do with them being weighed. You don't need to know someone's weight to see that they are overweight. It just sounds like you are in denial!

Even with DD having slimmed down, she will still probably fall into the “overweight” category next year when she’s weighed in yr 6 if it goes off the average of children her own age.

A BMI test she would be fine with, she’s got a BMI of 21- according to height at weight.

But if they don’t take into account that as of now (yr5 just turned 10!) that she is 5”4 and a shoe size 6 whereas in comparison one of her friends is 4”6 and a shoe size 3. DD is definitely not only weightier but also much bigger than her peers.

Her parents are awful. I have no problem with the weighing and measuring programme- it's important to be honest if a child is a little overweight and address it early.

But there is no excuse for shaming their own DD on national tv

Hungry at age 10 a girls bmi should be between 14 and 19.5.

Wrecktangled- I did not know this. I thought that as soon as they were adultish height they went on the adult BMI calculator?

Flip. Time to revise our portions I think!
Thanks for letting me know!

The !!! because it's 4lb, a negligible amount.
I meant to add more but got distracted by a phone call.
I'm not surprised or unhappy by her weight in fact I'm fully aware and not at all concerned.
The individual circumstances I'm referring to are developmental rates and the onset of puberty where there will be a small weight gain.
It is not a true representation of typical heights and weights, because there is not a typical height and weight. By all means if a child is unhealthy intervention is appropriate.
Alerting impressionable children to negligible weight gain at a point of massive physical bodily change is irresponsible and a contributing factor in developing unhealthy relationships with food and/or exercise.
In the case of my dd we eat a balanced diet, treats every now and again (but who doesn't) and sufficient exercise. Im confident that any extra weight she carries will change as she develops, it does not warrant intervention at this stage.

it's easier to make small changes and lose the 4lb than ignore it and struggle with 40 a few years later

because it's 4lb, a negligible amount

To an adult, yes.

For a child however it really isn't.

Alerting impressionable children to negligible weight gain at a point of massive physical bodily change is irresponsible

Nobody is alerting them. They are alerting the parents.

On dd's letter it just said "this is the height, this is the weight, please go to the nhs bmi calculator to check which range this falls in" (or something like that). I assumed they'd changed it to that to give the info without outright saying your kid is overweight