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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's probably a mixture of hormones and alcohol but if your partner danced with a stranger in front if you would it upset you ?

30 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2018 23:02

My dh is a friendly guy almost too friendly and can come across as flirty at times. This is obviously magnified even more when he is drunk. The thing is ive mentioned a few times to him now that when we've gone out on couples nights and I'm talking to my friends or gone to get a drink I will some times see him dancing with other women. It's harmless I guess but it makes me feel uneasy at times as if he's like that when I'm there I'd dread to think what he's like when I'm not. My biggest worry is that he always gets leg less when he goes out with the lads. Whilst flirting etc is harmless fun and an ego boast I don't really appreciate it under my nose and wouldn't do it to him.
We went to a ball last night and there was a couple sat on our table who we didn't know. Towards the later part of the night I came back from the toilet and dh was dancing and spinning her around the dance floor. I didnt see where her dh was so not sure if he minded. I carried on talking to friends and tried to ignore it knowing they were just dancing but the alcohol didnt help my insecurities. I then went to go and get our coats as our taxi was due and dh shortly came running after me asking if I was alright. I hadn't made an issue but obviously he must of felt like he had upset me.

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 11/02/2018 23:03

No it wouldn’t bother me at all, I trust my DP and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dancing with other people for either of us.

Jaygee61 · 11/02/2018 23:07

I wouldn’t like it. It’s not about trust it’s about courtesy and respect. I certainly wouldn’t want DH dancing a slow smoochy number with another woman as an ex of mine did.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 11/02/2018 23:08

Sounds like my dh. He's very extroverted and friendly too. It doesn't bother me but sometimes I wonder what others must think. He is over the top friendly with men too though so that tells me it's friendliness not sexual.

Clawdy · 11/02/2018 23:14

Wouldn't bother me in the least, but we're all different, I suppose.

Notso · 11/02/2018 23:15

No it wouldn't bother me at all. DH loves a dance and it gives my poor feet a rest!

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2018 23:18

Yes I also worry what others think and my friends have said he is a nice guy but initially they were a bit taken aback by his friendliness when they first meet him and said at first they thought he was really flirty. If he was dancing with friends then it wouldn't bother me so much but when it is strangers who he doesn't know and they don't know him then then it makes me feel awkward if Im actually there watching!!

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Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2018 23:22

I think because we have had trust issues before especially involving alcohol it does make me feel uneasy. A few times he's crossed a line and des respected my feelings by being over friendly with female friends and colleagues not actually cheated but just too much sometimes. I just would feel very uneasy doing that to him.

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LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 11/02/2018 23:36

Ah that's a bit different. I would have serious words with him.

SpiritedLondon · 11/02/2018 23:41

What kind of dancing are we talking about here ? Slow dancing or bopping around because if it was the latter then I wouldn’t be remotely bothered. I frequently dance around with my male colleagues on night out or on my own if necessary and it’s not an indication of anything - just fun.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 12/02/2018 08:56

It was of bopping and taking her hand swinging her around. It was contact a lot of hand holding but I think because I went to the look and came back and saw it plus I had a few drinks and I found it hard to watch. I have said to him before I don't really want to go out and see if dancing with other random women right under my nose.

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Tablesturned · 12/02/2018 08:59

He sounds like a bit of a prat so I would probably feel embarrassed. How do these random women take it? Is he fun or pervy or the laughing stock?

jacobsgirl · 12/02/2018 09:00

I think things always seem worse if you're a bit tipsy, I know that's how it is for me anyway.

But I don't think I'd mind if it wasn't like ridiculously disrespectful , if he was touching her inappropriately while dancing etc , but hand holding doesn't bother me

Bluntness100 · 12/02/2018 09:03

I'm not sure why someone said it was slow and smoochy when it clearly wasn't.

On its own it wouldn't bother me, but I think there seems to be a wider issue in the fact he openly flirts and your friends have commented on it.

I doubt talking with him will change his behaviour, just maybe drive him to Hide it.

Has he ever cheated?

TeaforTiger · 12/02/2018 09:09

I think whether it annoyed me or not would depend on lots of different factors.

I'd probably feel embarrassed by what other people might think, rather than that DH was being 'unfaithfull' some how.

But sometimes you do end up dancing around with randoms male/female. So basically I have no idea if you are unreasonable or not Grin

Argeles · 12/02/2018 09:19

I would be absolutely full of rage! I wouldn’t be able to handle that at all. I would talk about it, shout, possibly scream, and definitely cry. I don’t deal well with anything like that at all.

It’s odd for me, as I grew up seeing my parents dance with other people, and they’ve been married for over 30 years. I’ve also listened to my parents talking openly in front of each other about celebrities they idolise and fancy, and they have photos of them in their house too. Also, when we used to go out, they wouldn’t hide it from each other if they saw someone who they thought was a ‘bit of alright.’

I, on the other hand do not talk of any celebrities I fancy with my DH (even though there are lots!), and I made it quite clear many years ago, that I do not want to hear who he likes either. He jokes with me about it, and often says ‘oh I bet you like him,’ but invariably I don’t like the person, and I wouldn’t tell him anyway if I did - I don’t think it’s helpful or very respectful.

I sadly know what his type is, as I’ve seen him looking ‘in that way’ at other women, and they’re always the same type of woman. I now ‘hate’ women who have a certain appearance, as I know he’d probably fancy them. I’m not jealous of their looks, but get full of rage. I have really lost it with him in the past over this, and have started to take my rings off to throw at him! If he did it when alone (as I’m sure he does), then I wouldn’t experience pain and humiliation.

He’s got a fucking steak of a wife, he shouldn’t be looking at cheap, dirty hamburgers. Incredibly disrespectful.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 12/02/2018 09:23

Argeles!! Wow! 😂

PeerieBreeks · 12/02/2018 09:26

It wouldn't bother me. It's quite normal in our community. In fact there are local festivals that sees people go around various halls (each hall has its own 'audience') and they will dance with different people in every hall. It doesn't mean anything.

Smeaton · 12/02/2018 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ButchyRestingFace · 12/02/2018 09:31

He’s got a fucking steak of a wife, he shouldn’t be looking at cheap, dirty hamburgers. Incredibly disrespectful

Nice.

beluga425 · 12/02/2018 09:34

It wouldnt bother me, but I did just that drunkenly on two occasions.DH was very unhappy so have never done so since. You should tell him how you feel.

Bluntness100 · 12/02/2018 09:37

Argeles that's not a normal reaction. That's just something else entirely. To shout and scream, to hate certain women just because they are a type he likes, to actually call women cheap and dirty is just so awful. Honestly, that's a sign of deep seated insecurity, jealousy and other mental health issues.

You shouldn't be posting like it's normal. It's not. You must know this?

HollyBayTree · 12/02/2018 09:38

No, not at all. We recently went to a concert at the O2, I turned round and there he was, twirling the lady security guards, then joined a group of ladies from Croydon, having a whale of a time!!!

OfaFrenchmind2 · 12/02/2018 09:39

Argeles Are you for real? Would you also sit in shock, crying all day long? Are you a MN shaker?

If you are joking, it was hilarious, if not.... welllllllllllll

RandomDreams · 12/02/2018 09:42

Argeles that is not normal behaviour on your part.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 12/02/2018 09:52

I guess I just have insecurities and trust issues due to his previous behaviour. He's not cheated as far as I know but he is over the top sometimes as had intense female friendships where it has become a problem. I think it's the whole drinking issue too as when he is out with the boys he comes home and can't even speak. He hasn't really moved on from when we were younger and dating and back then he kissed a girl when we were together because he was so drunk. He also did with his previous girlfriend.
Obviously we were young so I can't judge him purely on that but his drinking hasn't changed and that with his flirty behaviour worries me. So when he does it in front of me my mind wonders well what the hell is he like when I'm not there as I know we can all flirt at times when out with friends.

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