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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tothink it's utterly ridiculous that a 6k raise would only work out to be £100 per month

376 replies

theduchessstill · 11/02/2018 22:10

I'm just feeling really hopeless at the moment. I earn a decent enough wage and know that I am very fortunate compared to many. However, as a single parent who receives no maintenance I am solely responsible for myself and two children and a mortgage, as well as having to save for a further pay out for ex when youngest comes of age. We do ok, but I have little to no savings and think about money constantly.

I have seen a job that pays 6k more than my current one and is a natural next step for me. 6k seems like quite a step up, but have just put the figures into a calculator and it seems that, taking into account the fact it would take me above the CB threshold, I would be a measly £100 per month better off.

Pisses me off tbh. As I'm in a public sector role I very rarely get other pay rises and when I do they're minuscule. I also think the fact that I would lose CB when a couple with a combined income well above my single one would keep it is an absolute disgrace. It just seems things are never going to get any better for me so just having a little rant, a pointless one as there's obviously no guarantee I'd get the job even if I went for it.

OP posts:
DarthNigel · 12/02/2018 07:13

If you feel he should be paying some maintenance then you can pursue this at any point via the CSA,legal financial settlement or not. I would take some advice from a solicitor on that were I you... I only mention it because I'm in the process of sorting my divorce out and mine was clear that if my stbexh for example attempted to stop paying child maintenance when DD's turn 16 (for example if they left full time school but were still living with me) there might be a case for it and I would need to pursue if via that agency regardless of our financial consent order.
I sympathise with your position op. It's a bit galling to get what seems to be a great pay rise for it to actually work out as very little. But it's still better to be earning more even on paper for future career etc.
And to those saying how 'fortunate' you are to be earning that much-what a weird attitude-it's highly unlikely its down to just good fortune-isn't it more possible that op has been able to earn that much through her own hard work?

healthyheart · 12/02/2018 07:18

CB = Child benefit

ourkidmolly · 12/02/2018 07:20

Politics of envy on here are unbelievable. That's why this conservative government was elected as people on this country loathe others doing well or trying to do better so much that they are determined to keep wages low. It's a fucking race to the bottom on this site. Who can manage on less and squeeze the pound the most.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 12/02/2018 07:26

Sorry you're getting so much stick. It makes me feel incredibly sad to see women pit themselves against other women like this. You are perfectly entitled to feel annoyed about this.

Promotions usually mean more responsibility and more pressure - so the weigh it up and see approx. £100 per month at the end of it is shit. If you see £6000pa increase you're naturally going to see that as a big step up, salary-wise, I think anyone would be disappointed to see it amount to so little in the end, especially if they are worried about money, as you are. £100 per month more is obviously great but what so many comments fail to acknowledge is the added stress of a higher-responsibility role. If you're working your socks off, it's galling to see such a small increase in your monthly earnings. Pension increase is one thing but obviously that's not money you can readily access until years down the line.

I am actually disgusted to see women on here posting pretty vindictive responses to a single mum, receiving no maintenance payments, who is worried about money. I also think there is an undercurrent of suggestion that women should be grateful for what they've got and not complain, which again is exceptionally sad to see.

Headofthehive55 · 12/02/2018 07:28

It's why there is such a backlash against taxing higher earners even more. When the sums come down to it - it's just not worth it for the extra stress and possibly time at work. It's not true that it opens up further career possibilities always.
I'm a nurse and although my hospital bemoans the fact no one will go for higher grades there really isn't a pay differential that compensates. And often you end up worse off. And it's highly unlikely you'd get an even higher grade in the future

Headofthehive55 · 12/02/2018 07:31

showme
Well said.
It's much harder for single parents and a couple on very much lower wages will, jointly bring in far more.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 12/02/2018 07:37

Maybe instead of moaning about the loss of benefits you should be grateful you have a a job that helps you survive without them. It's not down to others to support you or your child, that's down to you.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 12/02/2018 07:45

YellowMakesMeSmile did you not read this bit? It's pretty high up in her first post so amazed you missed it.

as a single parent who receives no maintenance I am solely responsible for myself and two children and a mortgage, as well as having to save for a further pay out for ex when youngest comes of age.

Where does OP say she's not responsible for herself or her kids? She's actually taken on the responsibility of both a mother AND father, seeing as she doesn't receive maintenance payments. She's doing it completely alone. Read your post again. It's cruel. How can you post something like that online to someone who is worried about money; to someone you don't even know? How can you type that to a single mum and tell her she should be grateful and not moan?

Bluedoglead · 12/02/2018 07:50

Tiny violin.

I earn 15k a year. Also single parent. Also responsible for children. I can’t even get a mortgage. I rent. It’s shite. I am always too cold and skipping meals to feed the kids first. Fucking my fitness pal says I eat too little.

Bluedoglead · 12/02/2018 07:50

I don’t get maintenance either.

roundaboutthetown · 12/02/2018 07:55

Bluedoglead - and your point is what? That you think you have it good, so what's the problem?... Or are you playing the race to the bottom game, where somebody else pipes up and says you think you've got it hard on 15k a year? I survive on £9k a year and eat nothing but acorns.

Bluedoglead · 12/02/2018 07:56

You earn almost 4 times what I do. 4times. Just have a think about that.

Bluedoglead · 12/02/2018 07:58

I would dearly love to earn 4 times what I do now. I think it’s a bit much to complain when you’re earning a fortune.

ourkidmolly · 12/02/2018 07:58

@Bluedoglead

You have a smart phone though if you have my fitness pal. Be grateful for that, you're luckier than 80% of the world's population.

That's your argument right back at you. Pretty shit isn't it?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 12/02/2018 07:59

God this is just awful. It's not a competition. If you looked at it that way, then people could turn round to you and say "well you don't need help - you're renting, you've got a roof over your head". How would you feel if someone said you weren't struggling? It would be utterly awful. It's exactly like roundaboutthetown said - a race to the bottom where no one has any compassion for anyone, because there is always someone worse off.

sparklefarts · 12/02/2018 07:59

Overnightangel
A better job and £100 a month better off?
Get the violins out

Yup. Second this.

Bluedoglead · 12/02/2018 07:59

Yes I have a gift gaff that I pay a tennera month for and my dad bought my phone - I’m grateful for what I have. I didn’t start a thread moaning that my diamond shoes were too tight, did I?

Headofthehive55 · 12/02/2018 07:59

And people in Africa manage on less than you blue. There. Does that make you feel better? No?

sparklefarts · 12/02/2018 08:00

Actually cakedup puts it perfectly

Bluedoglead · 12/02/2018 08:00

Yes I have a roof over my head. Like I said, I didn’t start a thread moaning did I? My house my home is being sold out from under me and I’m going to be homeless but sure. I deserve that and so do my kids.

muffyduffster · 12/02/2018 08:01

Bluedoglead, yours is almost all tax free and I imagine you get tax credits, which OP as a higher rate taxpayer would subsidise. Think there are better outlets for your anger.

Bluedoglead · 12/02/2018 08:01

Like I said.

I’m not the person who started a thread moaning that my diamond shoes are too tight.

My heart bleeds.

Headofthehive55 · 12/02/2018 08:01

To have some jobs don't forget it's more expensive than others. Travel costs, professional fees, clothing..
Your £15k. Job might need to travel, have clothing provided, no professional fees...

goodyzoe · 12/02/2018 08:02

I am supporting my family on £13k a year.

Can't afford a pension - or clothes, shoes, haircuts, holidays - in fact my children have never been out of the country as we've never been able to afford it. I don't own a bra that doesn't have the wire sticking out. I have put on weight but can't afford new clothes so wear clothes that are uncomfortably small. I don't know how I am going to pay for school lunch this week
My wisdom tooth has broken but I can't afford the dentist.

I don't normally go on about this stuff, but seriously, stop fucking complaining, you have no idea.

Yes It's a pain that your raise was offset by losing CB but it's a stepping stone.

The next one you get won't be, will it.

pollythedolly · 12/02/2018 08:02

I can't get past that you're paying off your ex's debts and he's not contributing towards the children!