I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable but I do know that today’s left me shocked, sad and unable to stop crying. My sister in law, whom I’ve been very close with for 12 years, has not asked me to be bridesmaid.
I met this girl when she was 15 and I was 21. I’ve coached her through college and breakups and uni and diets and illness and career stuff and hairstyles and grandparent grief and all the in betweens. She always looked up to me (she has four brothers!). I felt special and that I had my own little sister. Two years ago she was my bridesmaid. We shared so much and chatted about how I’d repay the favours one day for her.
But in the last two years she’s drifted from her family. She favours her fiancé’s family and has changed enormously. They’ve been together for 3 years. His family is very ‘new money’, very close knit, quite judgmental, very flash with cash they don’t have. He has a sister that’s at the centre of it all (same age as me). She stamps her feet and my SIL comes running. She’s manipulative (made her leave her uni course) and showers them with gifts. How can I compete with spray tans and lunches and shellac and trips to Dubai? Our whole family thinks the fiancé’s sister - let’s call her Crystal - has pulled SIL away. It’s like she’s under her spell.
There has been a myriad of excuses where SIL has cancelled her own family events, Christmas, Skype calls and the rest. Her brothers only now see her once a year. She spends almost all her energy and time with the fiancé’s family. Her mum is also sad that she’s lost her little girl to a flashier family.
Today, after yet another advice session, SIL told me and my DH that since she’s having lots of flower girls and Paige boys the whole ‘bridesmaid and usher thing was making her feel awkward’.
At his point I felt a pans of dismay but understood her decision to not have bridesmaids at all. Except I was wrong.
She finished her point by saying “I’m having one bridesmaid and that’s Crystal. She’s a machine and gets things done. But can you guys help decorate the venue?” At that moment I felt like the blood left my body.
May I point out that I literally organise and negotiate for a living, so the ‘machine’ excuse is b.s.
So is this pathetic jealousy? I feel a profound sense of loss. Her picking fiancé’s sister but not me sends a signal - why not just include me too or have no maids at all!? DH and his brothers aren’t in the wedding part either. Her fiancé can’t see that his umbilical attachment to his own family alone is causing a distancing, not does he realise marriage is about fairness.
I feel like some of you might read this and not see what hurts or that I’m being ridic. Please understand that I feel I’ve been a big sister to this girl for a good chunk of her and my life. X