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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's unreasonable?

30 replies

NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 11/02/2018 14:24

If you had a deal with someone that you would give them a life somewhere you were going on 1 day then they would give you a lift somewhere else you were both going on another day.
Then ,on the day, you cancelled giving them a lift to the first place because you were going somewhere (Asda) before you went..

Would you show up at the persons house for your lift?

Are you unreasonable for assuming you were getting a lift or the other person for assuming u weren't ?

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 11/02/2018 14:28

Sorry but this is ridiculous question!

In this scenario surely you would call the person you rudely cancelled on with grovelling apologies for letting them down and ask whether they were still prepared to give you a lift.

It’s not complicated. Speak to each other.

(though why you both need lifts if you both have access to cars isn’t clear)

Parky04 · 11/02/2018 14:28

Lost me!

Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 14:28

No I think it's cheeky to cancel and lift then expect to still get one.

Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 14:29

A lift not and lift.

Original poster
NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 11/02/2018 14:29

The person giving the 2nd lift only had access to their car today, not on the other occasion.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 11/02/2018 14:29

This is incredibly hard to follow.

Could you not both just communicate with each other? ie. "I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to give you a lift today. Are you still OK to give me one tomorrow?" or
Person A: "I'm sorry I can't give you a lift today"
Person B: "Ah OK. Are you still wanting one tomorrow?"

You are both capable of communicating. If you both chose not to then it's equally both your faults.

Bluntness100 · 11/02/2018 14:30

Well that's hard to understand.

So

You promise to take person a someplace. In return person b will take you somewhere.

You do not take person a to that place.

You now wish to turn up at person bs house and expect your lift

Did you apologise? Discuss if they would be able to give you a lift?

Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 14:34

It's really not hard to understand at all.

Original poster
NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 11/02/2018 14:35

I'm person A, I was invited to somewhere out of the way last week, DH needed the car for walk and my options were bus ride and long walk or £25 taxi.
I know someone that was also going and shares a car with her dh so I asked if she could give me a lift then and I would take her today.

The day of the event she messaged me that she needed to go shopping with dh before the event so I'd need to make my own way.

This morning she arrived at my house for her lift as arranged because her dh took the car.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 11/02/2018 14:37

Shopping with dh and children so no room for me to go to Asda and wait there while they shopped either

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 11/02/2018 14:38

Work not walk. I'm making a hash of this 😒

OP posts:
TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 11/02/2018 14:38

Well, it was rude of her to cancel, but why would you assume she no longer expected a lift from you? You probably should have told her (like she did when she cancelled your lift with her)

CuriousaboutSamphire · 11/02/2018 14:40

Did you laugh at her, drive off leaving her there or did you just look at her and fume silently whilst giving her a lift?

I know it was the second option but I hope you also told her she was a cheeky bitch and owes you a free lift, at a moment of your choosing... forever!

cantthinkofanythingwitty · 11/02/2018 14:42

Well if you hadn't told them that you were cancelling the lift then No I don't think they ABU turning up for their lift

fuzzywuzzy · 11/02/2018 14:42

Charge her for petrol. But if you’re both going to the same place I’d give her a lift.

But I would make a point saying as the arrangement was cancelled by her you didn’t think she’d want a lift from you. But as she’s here she can pay for petrol and get the money off her first.

Depends on how good a friend she is, assuming not very if she cancelled on you for little reason at the last minute.

catchyjem · 11/02/2018 14:45

Burning question is what did you do?!

Queuejumper · 11/02/2018 14:46

In those circs I would see the two lifts as separate. I would still be expecting to give her a lift.

Bluntness100 · 11/02/2018 14:49

So you want to not give her a lift as petty revenge for her not giving you one?

misskatamari · 11/02/2018 14:52

It was rude of her to cancel at such short notice, but I don't think she was unreasonable to turn up for her lift from you if you hadn't told her not too. I would totally understand you being a bit pissed off with her, and I imagine not feeling all that charitable and wanting to give the lift, but unless that had been communicated to her she would be reasonable to still expect the lift.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/02/2018 14:53

Being as it's a reciprocal arrangement and she cancelled the first part I can see you weren't expecting her. But I can also see why she was still expecting a lift!

CherryMaDeary · 11/02/2018 14:58

Well what did you do?!

Thequeenisdeadboys · 11/02/2018 14:58

WTF ?

mikeyssister · 11/02/2018 15:02

I wouldn't have expected her to turn up today, but probably wouldn't say anything - verbally! Definitely wouldn't arrange lifts with her again though.

gamerchick · 11/02/2018 15:02

So she cancelled on you but you didn’t tell her that you weren’t taking her in return but assumed she would work that out for herself and she didn’t?

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 15:04

Do you had agreed to give her a lift today? And since that agreement had been made no discussion had been had about not giving her a lift today?

Then yes I would expect to still be giving her a lift today, regardless of anything else that had happened. And to not give her a lift because she couldn't give you one would be a bit petty.

But seriously could you not just communicate with each other about this? Could you not have just asked her when she cancelled giving you a lift?

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