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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that DH didn’t make dinner

50 replies

Georgeofthejungle · 10/02/2018 20:38

I told him I’d call when I got out of my meeting at 4ish. I didn’t get out until 5.15 and my battery had died.
I get home a 6 to find DS eating some soup and DH’s dad heating some soup for himself (as he had been invited for dinner in a casual way).

I asked DH why he hadn’t started dinner and he said because he was waiting for me to call. I asked him what he expected to happen -me to come home at 6pm and make dinner for him (which incidentally I did (mug))? Told him I couldn’t believe he’d not made some dinner and he should have taken some initiative.

He is now sulking and I can almost gaurentee if I asked ( which I bloody wont) why he’s sulking he’ll tell me it’s because he doesn’t like how I speak to him sometimes. I more think it’s more like he doesn’t like WHAT I’m saying but whatever. It means I can watch what I like tonight so maybe it’s a win! 🙄

AIBU to think he should have taken some initiative and made a proper dinner having not heard from me?

OP posts:
Dozer · 10/02/2018 20:40

Who usually makes dinner?

Is the time you get home variable?

6pm is still earlyZ

Sunnyjac · 10/02/2018 20:41

Yanbu how was he expecting it to happen otherwise? Magic?

BouleBaker · 10/02/2018 20:41

Of course he bloody should. I’d be annoyed inhis shoes at the lack of communication but I’d have got on with the dinner and then waited to find out why you hadn’t been in touch before I got huffy.

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 10/02/2018 20:42

I usually make dinner, we eat around 5. It’s rare that I’m not home.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 10/02/2018 20:46

So it’s a sort of learned helplessness then? Maybe it’s time he started to pitch in with the evening meal to beat it out of him.

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 10/02/2018 20:49

gamerchick He does help with dinner but often he’s not home yet. Maybe something to think about for weekends.

Christ, have I made a rod for my own back here 🙄

OP posts:
JosieSand · 10/02/2018 20:51

What did you make? I'd be really annoyed.

Snowydaysarehere · 10/02/2018 20:52

Take away and he pays?

NoSquirrels · 10/02/2018 20:53

Well - he fed DS, is soup so bad? And yes, you’re a mug for cooking for him when you got in.

But I am irritated by my DH too as he failed to think about it or sort dinner as I’m ill in bed. When I asked him at 6.20 what the plan to feed everyone was he ordered in pizza. We had fish and chips yesterday as I was on a work trip and he’d also not sorted dinner by the time I got back. When I “moaned” today at the pizza he also got huffy - it will have been my “tone”, no doubt.

So YANBU in being irritated cos neither am I. And I bet your tone was fine too. So there, useless lazy DHs.

user1488397844 · 10/02/2018 20:55

Why would he start dinner if you hadn't called to let him know when you'd be back? If I was making dinner for my partner and didn't know when to expect them I wouldn't just go ahead incase it was cold etc. I would feed the child and guest - both of which he did - and eat with my partner later. You shouldn't have made anything once home though you should have asked what he was making!

NewYearNewMe18 · 10/02/2018 20:56

And that shocked you ?

What would you do if a life changing event or catastrophe unfolded before you?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 10/02/2018 20:59

Well, he IBU for not just making something and then leaving you yours to heat up later, but YABU for expecting dinner to be ready when you’d told him you’d ring. He’s not psychic. Find another phone next time and ring when you say you will.

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 10/02/2018 20:59

snowydaysarehere I asked if he wanted to go to the shop, he said no. I asked what he expected to happen then?! He said he didn’t know.

I should mention this exchange was in front of his dad - is that unreasonable of me?

josieshand I made sort of tomato paella with chicken and chorizo. It didn’t take long. He cooked up the chicken.

In his defence he did say he’d looked in the (weight watchers) Recipe book for the paella recipe (because He knew that’s what I’d planned to make) but couldn’t find it. He’d looked in the wrong book though. And of course I’m not annoyed at that.

Maybe I am bu 🤭

OP posts:
bigbellyjelly · 10/02/2018 20:59

Maybe I'm a bitch but I'd have just made myself dinner. Lazy git!!

VladmirsPoutine · 10/02/2018 21:01

Who eats dinner at 5pm? Regardless of who cooks. What does everyone do till bedtime! Crikey. I think the whole thing sounds horrible.

hidinginthenightgarden · 10/02/2018 21:02

I wouldn't be shocked but I would be a bit pissed off.
The lack of initiative really annoys me.
Tuesday DH got in from work before me as I picked the kids up as always. DH was sat on his arse watching TV despite knowing I would have to go back out in just over an hour. I made tea, put some washing on and got DC pj's on then went out. Came back and he hadn't even hung the washing up FFS.
YANBU to be pissed off!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/02/2018 21:03

Well, you did say you’d call when you were out of your meeting. He fed DS & his Dad was sorting himself out. I’m not sure what your problem was tbh. He could (& should) have made you both something for dinner though, even if it was just beans on toast.

I can’t believe how early you eat! Aren’t you both ready to gnaw your arms off by bedtime?

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 10/02/2018 21:04

You said youd ring him, but you didnt, hows he supposed to know when to start dinner? Loads of posters ive seen on here demamd that their partners call them so they can time it so it doesnt get late and its seen disrespectful if they dont. If hed started at 4:15 your dinner could have been ruined

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 10/02/2018 21:04

msadore no access to another phone so no chance of that

user his dad was making his own, must have got fed up waiting. I probably would have been more stubborn and made him make something but I didn’t want to make a seen and wasn’t many options other than the rice.

newyearnewme no this didn’t shock me 🙄. I don’t even know why I didn’t expect it to be honest. Life changing event - probably wouldn’t take to mumsnet...

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/02/2018 21:06

Cross posted with you.

You’re very definitely being unreasonable. He couldn’t find the weight watchers recipe he knew you wanted cooked, you didn’t ring when you finished your meeting, he fed DS, I’m not sure what you expected him to do tbh.

gamerchick · 10/02/2018 21:06

*Who eats dinner at 5pm? Regardless of who cooks. What does everyone do till bedtime! Crikey. I think the whole thing sounds horrible+

erm people who don’t like to eat late? I find going to bed on a full stomach weird. Personal preference.

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 10/02/2018 21:07

We eat at 5/5.30 as we have a little one and eat together. A cup of tea and a biscuit does us in the eve. Maybe toast. I’m dieting anyway

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/02/2018 21:08

...and now you say there wasn’t much else in other than the rfirst Vegas, for the recipe he couldn’t find...

I want to say something nice, but you’ll have to stop digging the hole first 😖😂

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/02/2018 21:09

Rfirst Vegas is my iPad’s rethink of rice. Don’t ask.

1ndig0 · 10/02/2018 21:10

Eating at 5pm is very early anyway. At least he gave your DS some soup. Nobody starved. It all sounds a bit regimented to me. Has this kind of situation never occurred before in your house?

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