Friends Birthday getaway

[WheelyCote]

So I'm a little annoyed tell me what you think....am I being unreasonable?

This year me and a friend have our big 40's different days.
Her wider group of friends put together a messenger page of what we can do to celebrate her birthday. Fab.

We all suggested a night away etc hot tub food, friends etc no problem.

Then people started talking two nights away, renting a cottage, barn, lodge etc one night out on the town and the second night in hot tub etc.,.a bit out of what I can realistically do.

So my friend found out about messenger group...do of course was invited in so she could give us an idea what she'd like to do. Cool

So far it's a two night thing and if we each chip in...looking at around 120pound each for accommodation. Then the idea is we'd all chip in to pay hers. Then there's the night out, taxis's, food and alcohol for the night in.

I'm working 6 days at the minute to pay off debt that I was left with after a relationship breakdown. I'm tired. Saving for my sons 16th and then it's my 40th that I'd like to save to take me and my two out for a meal.

Anyway I added into the messenger group I could do one night away (not sure where I'd get the money to even do that to be honest)...,well that went down like a lead balloon.

Spoke to birthday friend next day who is not happy and said if I start saving now I'd have enough. She didn't understand at all. It's my 40th this year too and since she seems more bothered that if I don't go..the price goes up for others I.e letting the side down....I'm thinking I'd rather save to do something even better for sons 16th and my own birthday.

Anyway she's in a mood with me and looks like I'm out of the messenger group

Feel like telling her where to go...aibu?

It's all just so ott isn't it? I mean it's fine to celebrate your birthday but these people who get so - it's all about MEEEEE!!! It's my BIG CELEBRATION!!! really need to get a grip .

In my friendship group and with my family a big birthday is sort of our "excuse" to have an overnight somewhere or a weekend away. By excuse I mean it encourages us to make firm plans well in advance rather than the usual "Oh we really must try to get together " that often doesn't happen because life gets in the way.

Importantly, that night/weekend is a catch all celebration so if for example SIL is 40 in March, DM 70 in August and dsis 40 in December the three are covered by one weekend away in June. Likewise if a group of friends are hitting 40/50 through the same year. There's no but it's MY birthday stomping of feet rubbish, just a group of adults taking the opportunity for a get together.

Yanbu. I've never been to a birthday celebration that involved an overnight stay and I don't think I ever would. It's not sensible use of my finances.

I would go back to the whole group and say that you've done your figures and as much as you'd love to come you can't afford it. You have to pay off a bill as a matter of urgency. So you're bowing out and hope they enjoy themselves and you'll forward to seeing the pics.

My friends and I don't struggle for money but big birthdays (18, 21, 30, 40 so far) have never been more than a dinner followed by a club. When did these monster weekends become a thing? They sound like fun but it's OTT. I'm also old enough to remember when hen nights consisted of dinner and then on to a club - in the bride's home town. Now it's a weekend in Milan with a mixology course and spa afternoon thrown in.

Save your money for your own dc and your birthday.

Nobodys birthday other than your own family's is worth a big expense.

martellandginger's post is sensible.

I hate seeing threads on MN about people being guilt tripped into expensive hen dos/weddings/birthday celebrations. If more people could be more assertive and just say no they wouldn't try it on.

Having money and being able to afford things should not be a used as a measure for friendship IMO.

It all sounds so childish, big birthday, I want a big party.