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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends Birthday getaway

57 replies

WheelyCote · 10/02/2018 10:16

So I'm a little annoyed tell me what you think....am I being unreasonable?

This year me and a friend have our big 40's different days.
Her wider group of friends put together a messenger page of what we can do to celebrate her birthday. Fab.

We all suggested a night away etc hot tub food, friends etc no problem.

Then people started talking two nights away, renting a cottage, barn, lodge etc one night out on the town and the second night in hot tub etc.,.a bit out of what I can realistically do.

So my friend found out about messenger group...do of course was invited in so she could give us an idea what she'd like to do. Cool

So far it's a two night thing and if we each chip in...looking at around 120pound each for accommodation. Then the idea is we'd all chip in to pay hers. Then there's the night out, taxis's, food and alcohol for the night in.

I'm working 6 days at the minute to pay off debt that I was left with after a relationship breakdown. I'm tired. Saving for my sons 16th and then it's my 40th that I'd like to save to take me and my two out for a meal.

Anyway I added into the messenger group I could do one night away (not sure where I'd get the money to even do that to be honest)...,well that went down like a lead balloon.

Spoke to birthday friend next day who is not happy and said if I start saving now I'd have enough. She didn't understand at all. It's my 40th this year too and since she seems more bothered that if I don't go..the price goes up for others I.e letting the side down....I'm thinking I'd rather save to do something even better for sons 16th and my own birthday.

Anyway she's in a mood with me and looks like I'm out of the messenger group

Feel like telling her where to go...aibu?

OP posts:
IdaDown · 10/02/2018 10:56

Don’t be livid, feel relieved.

Marshmallow3 · 10/02/2018 10:59

@Gingersstuff haha hilarious...imagine her 50th!!

babyccinoo · 10/02/2018 10:59

YANBU to not want to go, no way would I go and subsidise her.

However, isn't it better they've moved it to WA? You're well out of it now. Let them crack on.

AnaViaSalamanca · 10/02/2018 11:00

You need new friends.

BewareOfDragons · 10/02/2018 11:01

She sounds selfish and unkind.

You might consider asking if perhaps then it could be a joint 40th celebration, for both you and her to be celebrating your 40th birthdays, IF that would be ok with you. Her response would probably tell you everything you need to know about her. IF it's positive, consider going and enjoying. If it's negative because it has to be all about her, i'd end the friendship.

Original poster
WheelyCote · 10/02/2018 11:05

Livid because.,,.I don't know....I'm just taken aback.

Don't expect any plans to change for me, in the slightest. I'm just taken aback because she went on like I was letting her down.

Talking of putting a deposit down this month. I said..I have 70quid to last the month....even if I could do the two nights...there's no way for me to put a deposit in. She said 60 quid a night is reasonable....I agreed...it is. Which it is! Not if u don't have it though.

I think because she sees me working so much that I should beable to get the money together. If I avoided paying this debt for a few weeks I'd only be shooting myself in the foot because come July I'll start incurring high interest charges

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/02/2018 11:05

Ach! I'd have message them something like "Ooh! Have you all snuck of to organise my 40th?"

More reasonably I would message "Have I upset anyone because I can't afford a weekend away? I tell them what you told us... you simply can't afford it, have other significant birthdays later in the year and would like to be able to afford a small celebration for yourself and your family.

I can't imagine real friends would be pissy with you for that!

But the other birthday girl is definitely being a bit precious!

alotalotalot · 10/02/2018 11:05

Just state your position that you will find the money for one night but you'll have to bow out if it's two, then be gracious about them enjoying the longer break. If they aren't happy about that then they aren't very good friends.

blueskyinmarch · 10/02/2018 11:09

No birthday celebration is worth getting into more debt for. Bow out of your friends celebration and save your money to do something nice for you and your DS's birthday.

babyccinoo · 10/02/2018 11:09

Easy for your friend to see as £60pn as reasonable, she's not pauing a bloody penny!

Notasunnybunny · 10/02/2018 11:13

I find these types of celebrations weird. If you want to go away to a cottage for your 40th and can afford to pay for the cottage for yourself and guests then lovely, go for it. Expecting other people to fund your celebration is totally not on! Since when do hosts expect guests to pay?! If you are organising the party on behalf of someone else then you become the host and you pay, you don’t issue invites and then an invoice!

barefoofdoctor · 10/02/2018 11:16

Well at least you've see her true CF (substitute cheeky for cunty?) colours OP. One of the best things I've found regarding approaching 40 years of age is that this sort of bullshit no longer matters. Concentrate on your DC, yourself and getting debt free and get out there and meet some normal non CF pals! WineCakeFlowers

Whocansay · 10/02/2018 11:17

Just say no. She is a shit friend and she is not listening to you because she doesn't want to hear that you can't afford it. This event is already beginning to spiral in terms of cost. You wouldn't have fun as you would be too busy worrying about how you will afford it. Just don't go.

ClockLock · 10/02/2018 11:17

Has any of them mentioned your birthday?

NewYearNiki · 10/02/2018 11:18

I had this one year. It was my 30th and I was wondering how to afford anything as I had lots of student debt.

Another friend having her 30th that she couldnt afford. She decides to have to send round an email saying she wants a boat party but she and her partner cant afford it. I cant remember how much it was each but she asked us all for a deposit and to pay equally for an expensive boat party.

I couldn't afford my own 30th birthday let alone hers. I said nothing and didnt acknowledge even the original email asking about the party.

Just say nothing to the bitch.

ArchchancellorsHat · 10/02/2018 11:23

Is she remembering that it's your 40th/ds 16th or is it just that she's quite self centered? If it's the latter, I'd probably tell her she could do one.

My 40th was a meal in a pub - because a lot of my friends were not comfortable financially and it was more important to spend the time with them than stick everyone with a huge bill. I didn't make a big deal out of people who weren't able to make it either.

babyccinoo · 10/02/2018 11:25

Niki did the party happen?!

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 10/02/2018 11:28

Why are people such arseholes over something that's meant to be fun and enjoyable?

I bet you won't be missing much by not going. Weekends away in cottages are fine for families or small, close groups, but a bigger group is just going to fall out and argue.

NewYearNiki · 10/02/2018 11:30

babyccinoo

I think so. Kept getting round robin emails about it and I think there was one about the deposit being paid.

Failingat40 · 10/02/2018 11:31

This is all about them getting what they want for as cheap as possible- providing the numbers are up.
Don't go now.
They're ass wipes, I wouldn't want to be amongst uncaring fake frienemies.

Runlikeabull22 · 10/02/2018 11:35

Have you reminded her that it's your birthday too?

tumblrpigeon · 10/02/2018 11:36

I LOATHE those types of lengthy celebrations so I always just say no.

YouTheCat · 10/02/2018 11:38

I'd just not go. You'll struggle to pay for one night anyway and why put yourself out of pocket? Plus there'll be an atmosphere because you didn't do what they wanted.

Save for a nice time for you and your kids instead.

NotAnotherEmma · 10/02/2018 11:44

You're not being a shitty friend, they are.

mumgointhroughtorture · 10/02/2018 11:44

Are they gonna do the same for your birthday ?

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