What random self-serving "rules" do you get away with? (Light hearted)

[Blankiefan]

Am sitting mumsnetting whilst DH and 4yo DD play snakes and ladders. She is a nightmare with it - throws the dice across the room on every throw, cheats, takes a lifetime to do her shot... I hate it. However
.. "mummy doesn't play snakes & ladders" has somehow been accepted as a rule.

I've no idea how I've gotten away with it but it makes me

What do you get away with?

Mummy doesn’t bake either (dh is the baker and cook in this house - I’m laundry and cleaning queen) but mummy will slip you the odd bit of unexpected chocolate - even from her special box (my Lindor chocs left over from Christmas) so they’re not too deprived
Daddy makes the best cereal too...

I wish I'd had a few of these. But I did always do the cup of tea or coffee is Mummy time. Sadly having been divorced since the kids were 5 and 7 I've not been able to defer to anyone else on all the fixing, technology, tidying, bed times etc. Sometimes I'd get so frustrated trying to do some things like tech and bikes I'd nearly cry.

But I did used to get every other weekend off. Not anymore as they tend to stick around here with me more now they are old enough to choose.

We spent years believing that my dad can't swim. Turns out he can

In this house, mummy doesn't do camping. And usually doesn't know how to put batteries in noisy things

The park used to get tired and need a sleep after we’d been there for an hour or more. (Cue running away before another kid arrived).

Once CBeebies stopped broadcasting at 7pm, there was no more tv as it was time for everyone to go to bed. At about 2.5, dd would only go to bed if everyone was going.

I know someone whose children were fascinated by people wearing eye masks for long flights, and wanted some of their own, so she used this to her advantage and bought them some pretty masks from Claire's Accessories. She says that after the DC's have been boisterous and need to calm down, she gets them to sit quietly wearing them for a few minutes, it works a treat. Time out by stealth! I'm sure they'd have plenty of other uses:

"You have to wear it when TV adverts are on, to stop your eyes going square."

"You have to wear it in Toys R Us/Smiggle/the Entertainer, to stop you being overwhelmed."

"When I'm wearing mine, you do not disturb me. Remember I can still hear you!"

I'd have to have the rule "when you're wearing one, you have to sit down, or hold someone's hand", because I wouldn't want them trying to move about while they can't see!

I have begun my reward chart for complaints about the food I make

I don't do tech or social media. The teens are so conditioned now they really do wait until DH gets home, or will spend hours harassing him on SM about it.

If there is a tech emergency and they will chance asking me I just tilt my head and ask "what is an iphone/ipad/xbox?"

Dancemom that is brilliant!

If you nag mummy, she has to say no. It's the rules. I get to define what is nagging and what is asking / reminding.

I say 'I don't make the rules' a lot. I obviously do, yet when I say this it is just totally accepted and I'm not the bad guy anymore! Love the mind of a 3 year old.

Not a parent myself but just cottoned on that "you're not allowed to wear nail varnish until you're 16 as it's against the law, may have not been true...

My aunt keeps telling my 4 year old 'I want doesn't get' when he nags persistently, I've taken it up and hey presto no more excessive nagging, plus it's nice because her Mam said it when she was a child so it's like a family heirloom expression

I don't talk or function at all until DH has brought me a cup of tea in bed in the morning.

Everyone Leave The Room Or Be Quiet when Mum is watching Eastenders. Thou Shalt Not Ask Mum for anything at this time.

Mum doesn't go swimming unless its in an outdoor pool/the sea in a hot country. Thats Dad's job and what I pay good fucking money for swimming lessons for.

The park used to get tired and need a sleep after we’d been there for an hour or more

Actually lolled at this one. Stolen!!

Thought of another one: all kids' tv shuts off at 7pm when Cbeebies finishes never mind all the other hundreds of their nocturnal channels

Promoted by a PP the only one I can think of is, if you make me answer no it's a no but if you wait it might be a yes. Mine are 12-16 and I still use it now - when I remember.

Prompted not promoted.

Ffs. Answer now it's a no..