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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What random self-serving "rules" do you get away with? (Light hearted)

92 replies

Blankiefan · 09/02/2018 19:20

Am sitting mumsnetting whilst DH and 4yo DD play snakes and ladders. She is a nightmare with it - throws the dice across the room on every throw, cheats, takes a lifetime to do her shot... I hate it. However
.. "mummy doesn't play snakes & ladders" has somehow been accepted as a rule.

I've no idea how I've gotten away with it but it makes me Grin

What do you get away with?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 09/02/2018 21:28

Also, if I do laundry, all the contents of everyone's pockets are mine. This includes your hard earned babysitting money as well as your snotty tissues.

TallulahBetty · 09/02/2018 21:28

YY to the tea rules Brew. If Mummy has one then she must be allowed to finish it in peace before being badgered/whined at/climbed on.

YouTube shuts at 5pm and doesn't open til 9am (kinder egg/collectible toy video addict)

Diamondjoan · 09/02/2018 21:30

It’s the texture for me PollyCotton, get weak cutting through a chicken breast!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/02/2018 21:30

Oh, only daddy can use the screwdriver.

TallulahBetty · 09/02/2018 21:30

Oh and only Daddies can get new batteries or superglue anything. Mummies doesn't know where those things are, and aren't allowed to use them anyway.

TallulahBetty · 09/02/2018 21:31

Mummies don't*

Uffishthought · 09/02/2018 21:35

Sweets are for mummies. DD is three and I'm aware it won't last forever, but pleased with how it's turned out so far

Tuttytoffee · 09/02/2018 21:41

I used make bad tea purposely so DP refuses to let me near the kettle as a rule. He makes every cuppa.

picklemepopcorn · 09/02/2018 21:47

I tried 'I've changed my name', in an attempt to get some peace. There was a 30 pause, then 'Mummy, what's your new name?'

ForalltheSaints · 09/02/2018 21:56

No meeting people south of the river.

Skittlesandbeer · 09/02/2018 22:02

Mamma’s allergic to slime and putty. So we don’t make them or bring them home. We give away any/all slime-making sets we receive as gifts. For the record, we got 4 given to us just last year? Bloody Satan Snot. Messy stinky chemicals, that never come out of fabric properly.

DD6 went to a party place where they made slime and lipgloss (?!) and she even left the lipgloss behind, in case it had touched the slime and would make mamma sick.

Oh, and only qualified engineers or architects can build xmas gingerbread houses. Luckily, we have two aunties who fit the bill. But, sadly, no one at our house.

BarbraDear · 09/02/2018 22:15

It's my job to dish out the take away and give myself the best bits make sure everyone gets their share. No-one, not even DP, has ever questioned why I have to dish it out and if I am putting DD to bed or in the bath etc it will sit on the counter til I am ready to dish it up. I think it's a bit weird but I also love getting all the crispy chicken and the eggier parts of the rice so I won't be telling them to do it themselves soon. They can all do plenty for themselves but this random task seems to have been going on for years the way it is.

When Mummy has a headache she has to have a nap undisturbed or it won't go away. I just love napping so when DP isn't working and there isn't much to be done we tell DD I have a headache and she accepts that she can't come and disturb me. Bliss.

If I don't want to share chocolate with DD (she's 3 and the only one who falls for this trick) I tell her there's nuts in it. She hates nuts so says ugh and moves on.

And lastly, I have to check everyones food for poison if I like the look of it and fancy a taster. DS1 still laughs at this at 16 because he knows what I'm up to but is so used to it he just says 'oh aye, you're so kind checking for poison'.

fabulousfrumpyfeet · 09/02/2018 22:20

Ooh some great ideas here. I have a car rule. I drive the car (every day) but do absolutely nothing else to it - dh does all maintenance and cleaning etc. I'm so happy, I used to hate car maintenance.

elfycat · 09/02/2018 22:31

Only Daddy can do/fix insert broken or flat-batteried toy. He'll have to do it when he gets home from work.

He works away for 3 weeks at a time.

Saturday is for lie-ins. You can play on your computers, make cereal-style breakfast and play. I am interrupt-able for any level of emergency but please let me snooze (they are older primary school age and sensible). Last week I was asked if I was getting up as they needed my larger bed to play ship-wrecked, but it was 0930.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 09/02/2018 22:43

I accepted for many years that my mum couldn't run, some vague ankle issue. Now I have 3dc, turns out she can when she bloody wants to and I want to use the idea for myself

FrozenMargarita17 · 09/02/2018 22:59

I have a 6 month old but I am mentally filing many of these ideas for the future!!

ZivaDiva · 09/02/2018 23:29

The person driving gets to choose the music, saved me years of relentless nursery rhymes and with the bonus that all my kids like Queen, Genesis etc.
Does quite work now they can drive.😂

TroubledTribble28 · 10/02/2018 03:18

Our supermarket has a McDonald's next door which we pass when we go shopping, always heaving with cars. McDonald's only serves car owners at the drive through on Saturdays. We only go shopping on Saturdays.

HashtagTired · 10/02/2018 04:15

The TV breaks, a lot.

The quick acceptance with no arguments that when something (anything) is 'broken' it cannot be used.

The quick acceptance with no arguments that when something is 'dirty', it cannot be eaten/licked/touched.

Dd can't have a packed lunch for school because we don't have the right food in the house to make it and school dinners are still free

HashtagTired · 10/02/2018 04:16

Daddy is the fixer. We have to wait for him to sort it.

suckysnow · 10/02/2018 04:16

Ds still believes it is the actual law that mummy’s and Grandma’s (I roped her into the lie too) must nap on a Sunday after lunch. Policemen sometimes do door to door checks.

Also, the sensors in the car are actually cameras and manufacturers check to make sure you aren’t eating in the car. You can turn the cameras off on long journeys some times because the workers watching them need breaks.

citychick · 10/02/2018 06:33

Mummy does not play football or go to the football park. There are no other mummies there. Also there are so many footballs being belted round the enclosed park that there's a high chance of someone being knocked out. Daddy will go, although I suspect he hates it too.

I will, however, do other sports quite happily.

Clandestino · 10/02/2018 06:48

I get the Advanced Children's Maintenance. Things like "how are children born and get into Mummy's tummy", advice on her many platonic loves.

Leftfilange · 10/02/2018 06:57

Mummy doesn’t do technology (I do, it’s my job!) so you have to wait till Daddy gets home to look at Twitter and get some fucking code off some fucking YouTuber to access a virtual Christ knows what in whatever game it is you’re playing. However, mummy is kickass at Sonic the hedgehog and will happily play it, and beat you at it sideways every time.

Mummy also doesn’t do anything while there’s tea (cup of) on the go. They know they have to wait until the cup is empty as mummy is nicer caffeinated Grin

jarhead123 · 10/02/2018 07:06

These are hilarious!