I am self identifying as very good looking

[Amoregentlemanlikemanner]

:)

I self identify as a t-Rex

@NataliaOsipova YES!!!

I self identify as Mumsnet Justine.
I set up a website for wimmins of every vernacular, to discuss childbirth, sanpro, pregnancy and how to POAS., etc.
Whilst I do include menz in my appropriate user base, I have concerns about something.
My required demographic does not include rocks, cats, trees and hamsters. Therefore I shall be banning most of you!

I also identify as a southern Italian who tans really well. If I get sunburned I shall sue all the sun lotion manufacturers for causing sunburn to my lovely olive-toned skin that should tan really easily.

I'm self id-ing as the head of Sport England.

Expect changes...

Also you have to stop using the term identitties, all of you. It reminds me that aa Justin Welby, I don't have titties, only moobs.

You can have lady moobs or Trex moobs if you want but no identitties. Talking about makes me feel excluded.

I'm also identifying as a flying unicorn because then I'll be special and unique.

All swimmers must wear full body suits and flippers (hate feet)

Equal funding of men and women's sport

Ban on MAMILs
Etc, etc

I am self-identifying a a penguin; the study is so cold it could well be in Antarctica.

[booom]

I'm self identifying as a cat. So I'm going to go around all of your houses, see who I like best, then I'm moving in and I fully expect to be waited on hand and foot.

Winner!! I also self identify as a cat, as mine is still curled up in bed - so now we can form a special cat club and lobby for whisker and Dreamies rights.

Catfight [evil]

Can I just clarify, when I say I’m self identifying as a 70 year old I only mean the fun bits of what I inagine being 70 is like. Not any of the tedious and annoying bits.

I’d like my state pension, bus pass, cheaper cinema ticket etc and to win all the races I enter, smashing all the age graded records and taking medals from cis 70 year olds.

Maybe I will write a blog for other elite sports people, telling them about my struggles and how much harder it has been for me to succeed than for them. I could win an award for my bravery .

When I shop in asda I will wear my 70 year old stripper outfit and scream “Bigot “ at the checkout operator when she looks at me like this .

I will demand that pregnant women and disabled people give up their seat from me on the bus to validate my feelz.

And I’ll be obnoxious to all cis 70 year olds for triggering me by their very existence.

I will lecture my cis next door neighbour ( who is a carer for her 93 year old mother) on how the hardest part of being 70 is having to shop in Per Una.

I identify as everything-neutral. Which means I am not anything at all. If you mention the fact that I've written this message it will trigger me because you've mis-existed me. If you have any questions about this you need to use Google and educate yourself. It's not my job to educate you.

I'm simultaneously self-identifying as a lithe yoga goddess (who is financially very well off but totally woke and gives loads to charity). I can wrap my skinny-ass legs round my head and downward dog with the best of them, do amazing retreats in Hawaii and Bora Bora, but glides about those places, barely breaking a sweat and always has perfect hair. Aaaaaand I'm a mad (but really quite wise) old hermit that lives in the woods (preferably some sort of hobbit house), lives off berries and roots (and a metric fuck ton of cakes and baked goods that the locals bring me in exchange for the mysterious tonics and salves I provide them for their ailments).

Don't you fucking dare tell me I can't be both at the same time. Don't limit me with your cis-mono-beingness!

I am self identifying as a bird. All those views without having to pay for a window seat 🦅💺

And I can poo on the heads of people I don’t like 💩 (MIL).
Oh, the thought.....

Inthishouse 😂😂😂

I'm a middle aged woman, but from now on I will be identifying as a middle aged man. I assume this means I will:

Receive an immediate pay rise.
No longer be able to 'see' dirt.
Be heaped with praise for being such a 'hands on Dad' wherever I go should I so much as glance in the direction of my child.
No longer care that I'm a bit fat, but instead be inexplicably proud of it.

Right Natalia! That's it - I'm triggered and you have attacked me with actual violence, you hater

I am self identifying as my cat. I can lie on the chair or sofa all day and get my food and cuddles just because I exist.

I self identify as a cat

I’ll just self identify as a man, I fancy a misplaced sense of superiority and a pay rise.

A feline friend 😁

I self identify as a 12 year old boy. So I'm giving up work to start lounging around playing Fifa 17, watching You Tube "comedy" and playing out in my fresh trainers.
I'm going to be accompanying my son to school, squeezed into one of his school blazers.
I will orchestrate a Twitter hate storm on anyone who tries to remove me from the classroom until the school change their policy and allow tired middle aged women (who don't quite get the lingo right) to be 12 year old boys. Because I AM A 12 year old boy. And if you say I'm not you are killing me. Literally.

I self identify as a Montague

I self identify as a Montague.....