Day trips with baby

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I am the first of any of my friends to have a baby although DH has a few friends with older children (preschool age). Both friends & family made the initial first trip to our home to visit DC although since around 5 months have suggested we come to them. For the main area we'd have to travel to, this entails a 15-20 minute walk to the train station, an hour train journey followed by a 30 minute tube journey. My friends have suggested a few times I could come for a girly day out and bring DC which means I would have to do the train/tube journey alone with DC, buggy & a day's worth of supplies. Another friend has recently moved away & has asked me to come alone to visit with DC (DH is working) & this means either an hour car journey (although with traffic can be much more) or 90 minute train journey with 2 changes. Again this would be for a day trip with no option to stay overnight. Friend thinks it is reasonable not to drive as can't tend to baby for feeds etc but train is doable.

Would you take a baby on this length of journey for a day out alone using public transport? How far would you travel alone in a car for a meet up with a friend with a baby? We don't have anywhere to stay at the other end so it isn't an option to stay overnight. I've missed a few meet ups because I'm worried about the journey. (Meet ups are frequently when DH is working or has other plans so if I go, there is usually no option not to bring DC). I don't want to be that person who insists people travel to me if I'm being unreasonable and should be able to do this journey. I frequently travel up to 30 minutes in the car to meet up with new mum friends I've made & usually have to stop halfway to feed DC who always seems to want milk during car journeys even if prior feeds are timed so one isn't due.

DH has said he feels this journey is too long for DC to do twice in a day even if we both were available to come. I feel it would probably be ok if both DH & I travelled together but not alone. We do travel 90 minutes in the car to visit family when there is an option to stay overnight- it is the public transport & doing the journey twice in one day which is the issue.

Are we being unreasonable? I don't want to be that person who misses meet ups or insists people travel to us if I should be able to do this journey alone.

It's a while since I had a small baby however I always preferred the car, as then I was in control.

I live outside of London and was/am a confident driver with DC who loved the car and generally slept on journeys as babies.

(when DC1 grew up she was car sick nearly every time so it didn't last!)

I wish I had one of those babies. Mine screams blue murder in the car seat or pram. I am limited to short trips where she will nap (max 35/40 mins duration)

Thanks everyone. It's not really the being on a train that's the issue. If it was an hour/90 minutes/2 hours on one train that's not an issue- it's changing trains twice/using the tube/changing tube lines that's my issue. I'd much rather be on a train for 90 minutes than driving as I could tend to DC. I frequently go out all day without going home for naps etc so it's not being out that's a problem, I'd be happy to take 1 mode of public transport for as long as required if there wasn't a change, it's not being able to get into the back of the car during a 60 minute (absolute minimum on a good day), likely 90 minute Car journey or changing public transport multiple times. I've previously gone on an hour long bus journey which wasn't an issue. I can foresee DC screaming in the buggy as I'm trying to find someone to help me lift the buggy off the train before it moves off to the next stop (there's about 2 feet between the train and the platform at a few stations & we'd have to change trains). If it was just one train and no tubes I'd be a lot more confident doing it. I have no issue travelling with DH & DC in the car when we are all together. We travel almost 2 hours to our specialist centre hospital appointments and to see family with one of us in the back to feed to save stopping. I'm really surprised by the number of people who see no problem with all the train and tube changes- there must be some very strong ladies on here or lucky ladies who get offered help with lifting buggies!

For those who don't understand having to stop during a 30 minute Car journey- it's not every journey but does happen frequently. DC doesn't take full feeds & takes very little & often so often wants fed in the car. I imagine likely also because there is nothing to cause a distraction from it. It was suggested by the specialist that bad reflux was the cause but I'm not sure. Either way that's why we can't do a whole large feed before we set off as some of you do who don't understand the feeding during shorter journeys. Sometimes it's not for food- I don't pull over if it's just grizzling. If DC is getting hysterical & beginning to gasp which is generally what happens when the crying goes unanswered for more than a few minutes, I always pull over to check what's wrong. I'm surprised so many people wouldn't. Anyway my post wasn't really asking advice for the 30 minute journeys I do every day without issue rather advice on the much longer journeys but thanks, it's always interesting to hear opinions.

Someone suggested I find new local friends- I have made lots of local mum friends. We're out every day in the car to meet others & do lots of classes. The friends I travel to see are those I have known most of my life so I definitely want to hang onto them too!

Thanks for all the opinions, I'm genuinely really surprised by how able some people are with all the public transport changes but I did want to know if I was being unreasonable not being confident doing so many changes of trains/tubes so it seems I am.

We travelled a lot with our first DC, but I totally understand OP, all those changes would be daunting, especially travelling alone. I tend to worry about these things so do understand. YANBU, you should just do what you're comfortable with, life's too short for unnecessary stress, but I'm lazy .

I find people either barge past you or are terribly helpful on public transport - there doesn't seem to be a lot of middle ground. We recently went to London for the day - fortunately without a buggy not as littlest one is 3 - but one station did have a big gap, I would say about a foot. That isn't impossible to get off with a pushchair. Just plan properly. Pack all your stuff into a rucksack on your back, have only baby in the buggy, get off backwards, making sure you have locked the wheels of the buggy first. If people see you are on your own the vast majority of the time someone will offer to help. Or you could just ask someone to help you. Most people wont mind. And if they do, they say no. Changing trains isn't a big deal. It just sounds like you aren't very confident. You really don't know how it will go unless you try it. Which ever mode of transport you use, could you try it first with your husband and then go after that on your own?

I find the tubes fine for buggies and prams(off peak of course) as long as the station has lifts.

But yes some of the train stations are a bit scary at first with the height and gap. If you do the same trains/changes regularly then you can work out which ones will be difficult. Sometimes certain carriages of the same train are closer to the platform so the gap isn’t as big (I think the platform must curve at a slight different angle to the track) so you can use those carriages once you know, i also agree it’s a confidence thing. However 90% of the time someone offers to help, and most of the time the gap is negotiable if you get off backwards. In the hundreds of times I’ve got on/off a train I’ve never been in a situation where BOTH the gap has been impossible AND no one has offered to help at the same time. But if that ever happened I could of course just ask someone to help!