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AIBU?

To have my birth how I want?!?

109 replies

ftmtb · 07/02/2018 22:51

When I give birth I want it to just be me and my OH, and then I want it to stay just us for a good few hours AT LEAST afterwards before anyone visits... for the first feed and all of that.

I feel like it's time we'll never get back and I want me and my OH to enjoy those first few hours with our baby together.

My family and OH seem to think this is an awful thing

My mum is begging to be there even though I know she will badger me and annoy me and I'll end up snapping and she will sulk

My OH wants his mum there which even though we get on well I don't want her there while I'm giving birth!!!

It's both our parents first grandchild so I get it's a big deal but it's also my first baby and I don't want any stress and I want to do it how I want... AIBU????

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goose1964 · 07/02/2018 23:06

I attended DDs 1st and 2nd birthday as she wanted me there.I didn't attend her 3rd and we visited the following afternoon and she then had a month bonding time with him. That was their choice and I accept that. I wasn't overly happy but I wouldn't have put pressure on her to let me see them early.I now get to see the baby regularly and he's s lot more fun now he's older.

Don't be brow beaten. Stand up for what you want. And congratulations 👶

Super123 · 07/02/2018 23:07

Are you going to show OH the unanimous reaction you have got on this thread?

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 07/02/2018 23:09

There's absolutely no way I'd have had either my own or Ex's mum at the birth of either DC.

You need to have only the people there who you are comfortable with being present. Perhaps you can remind your OH that if you don't want him there, he'll be kept out! That might concentrate his mind a bit.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 07/02/2018 23:13

You're giving birth, it's not a spectator sport.I bet your DM and MIL didn't have their mums there.What are your DHs reasons for wanting you to have an audience?

UrgentScurryfunge · 07/02/2018 23:13

If she complains again, point out that you weren't invited to her last smear/ mamogram

Your birth partner is your choice. You need to feel comfortable. Avoid telling people when you're in labour.

GrockleBocs · 07/02/2018 23:15

It's not a spectator sport. If you had to have a crash cs (unlikely) then not even DH would be in the room.

Only1scoop · 07/02/2018 23:15

Yanbu at all

And your dh needs to get on board and support your decisions

Oysterbabe · 07/02/2018 23:20

I do like my MIL but she isn't on the list of people I'd be prepared to have witness me shit myself.

GnotherGnu · 07/02/2018 23:22

Fuxake, it's not a theatrical performance. Where on earth do people get these weird ideas from? I can't imagine anything worse than going through labour and birth in front of my mother and mother-in-law. Check out whether they had the whole family spectating when they gave birth - I'd be prepared to bet that they didn't.

CoolCarrie · 07/02/2018 23:23

Stand your ground op! Don’t tell them when you go into labour. You need to get your other half on side about this. Good luck

CoolCarrie · 07/02/2018 23:26

And as pp have said the Midwife and Nurses will keep them away. Congratulations

squadronleader87 · 07/02/2018 23:27

Oysterbabe wins the internet today, what a cracking response!

OutyMcOutface · 07/02/2018 23:33

Do it in hospital and hire a doula. They simply won't more that two people go in with you. Everyone apart from you sounds mental.

Ginaxx · 07/02/2018 23:33

Yanbu, I'm due to give birth in 2 weeks and if I'm honest I could do without my OH being there, I know that sounds bad but I believe it's a very personal thing and I'm really nervous. Having other family members there would really stress you out. I read an article a few days ago that mentioned how labours can take longer having other family members in the room as you aren't as relaxed, I'm not sure how true that is but it makes sense. It's your labour and your choice x

Trinity36 · 07/02/2018 23:36

My sister was very put out when I said I only wanted my partner there. I had never considered having anyone else but him. I stuck to my guns and got what I wanted although mum and sister sat in waiting room for seven odd hours. You definitely don’t want MIL there and if you don’t want your mum either then that’s your prerogative. Don’t feel pressured into giving in xxxx

BigBaboonBum · 07/02/2018 23:36

You’re the one giving birth therefore it’s your choice. I usually allow visitors (OH parents and my parents) for a very short time the next day in hospital, and then absolutely nobody when I go home. I wouldn’t give a flying hoot what anybody else’s take on it was

tillytrotter1 · 07/02/2018 23:39

I really con't understand this thing about having mother, mother in law and Uncle Tom Cobbley in the delivery room. The only people I wanted were those who could be useful, the professionals, some people, especially with a first baby, do romanticise birth. I'm not sure how useful OH was in reality, he complained of awful stomach pains and doubled up! Being in another country was bliss, we had total control about who did what when.

sunshinestorm · 07/02/2018 23:41

This pisses me right off, just selfish selfish selfish. YOU are the one going through labour and giving birth, your mum and husband have no right to dictate how you should have things.

Birth partners are there to be a SUPPORT PERSON, someone the mother feels at ease with and wants there. People are not invited to 'be there' and 'see the baby be born' bla bla bla. So bloody self-centred

NotAnotherEmma · 07/02/2018 23:43

Maybe try to compromise by allowing visits earlier after the birth?

As for the birth itself, seriously don't understand why anyone would want their Mum there unless they don't have a partner to support them. Even then I'd still say no cuz my mother would just make it stressful.

Maybe emphasise to your OH how bad stress is for you and the baby during the delivery and that unnecessary stress would be unavoidable with additional family members there.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/02/2018 23:44

Threads like this make me long for the days when fathers didn’t get to be there.

Where the hell do people get the idea from that giving birth is a spectator sport.

Fair enough if your into performing but if your not nobody should bat an eyelid about it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/02/2018 23:47

Hmmmm Emma did you misread, she’s asking for a couple of hours. Not even a day just a couple of hours in which one would think she will be getting cleaned up and catching her breath a bit.
Why in God’s name should she compromise?

RockinHippy · 07/02/2018 23:52

Absolutely 10000000% NOT unreasonable.

WTAF thinks it's okay to tell you how you are going to give birth or otherwise. I would have swung for anyone who though they could muscle in on me when I had just given birth.

Selfish, thoughtless pricks

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sunshinestorm · 07/02/2018 23:53

Yep I also don't understand the idea of birth being a spectator sport.

Labour and birth can involve so much vulnerability and dignity can be so compromised. Acting in ways you never usually would, feeling completely out of control, sobbing, shouting, complete nudity, screaming, vomit, weeing, pooing yourself are just some of the extremely common but less glamorous aspects of labour.... when people invite friends/random relatives to 'watch' their birth are they considering all of these things??

NotAnotherEmma · 07/02/2018 23:58

NeedsAsockamnesty

No, you misread, she said:

"for a good few hours AT LEAST afterwards before anyone visits"

Then she repeated about the few hours, a few hours isn't generally considered to be the same as a couple of hours, it's usually understood to be a longer period of time.

What a stupid thing for you to have a hissy nitpick over. 😒

bunbunny · 08/02/2018 00:00

Tell them that the hospital only allows one birthing partner which will obviously be DH. And that the midwife has stressed that it's really important that this is kept to because she has come across plenty of times when the DM or MIL have been there and it's caused all sorts of problems and additional unwanted stress (most midwives are happy to have their names used for things like this if it will help you!)

Ask both mil and dm - who did they have present when they gave birth? Guessing that it might have been just them and doctor or midwife, maybe their dh. I think american films where the extended family sit around at the hospital while someone gives birth are responsible for a whole heap of problems with parents expecting to be with their dd/dil when she's giving birth! And even now, it's a relatively modern thing for the dh to be there watching/helping (say in the last 40-50-60 years) - before that he used to wait outside...

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