To have my birth how I want?!?

[ftmtb]

When I give birth I want it to just be me and my OH, and then I want it to stay just us for a good few hours AT LEAST afterwards before anyone visits... for the first feed and all of that.

I feel like it's time we'll never get back and I want me and my OH to enjoy those first few hours with our baby together.

My family and OH seem to think this is an awful thing

My mum is begging to be there even though I know she will badger me and annoy me and I'll end up snapping and she will sulk

My OH wants his mum there which even though we get on well I don't want her there while I'm giving birth!!!

It's both our parents first grandchild so I get it's a big deal but it's also my first baby and I don't want any stress and I want to do it how I want... AIBU????

[couldnteatawholeone]

I offered to compromise with OH over something pregnancy/labour related. The compromise was: he inserts coconut wrapped in Velcro up his anus and I push baby out. If he isn't willing then that's his choice and I get my way. And I told him I'm not joking.

[KatharinaRosalie]

Personal choice but even if they stay out of the room, i would have been very stressed if I knew there was a bunch of relatives sitting in the waiting room, eagerly staring at the door for news. And I would have felt pressured to let them come in 'for just a second, they've been here for hours etc etc'

[IlikemyTeahot]

YANBU just tell the staff you only want 1 person with you. It's not a show ffs. I had everyone in with my first and I felt humiliated and unable to focus

[SharronNeedles]

I am of the opinion that you get to decide who is in the room with you as it is your vagina. Simple as. However, I do believe that should your OH want his parents in the building (ie. Waiting room, hospital cafe etc) then it would be very unreasonable to try and stop this. I technically died during birth and my DH having his mum there helped him through that. She was able to offer some comfort to him when he felt utterly helpless.
That being said, having them in the building does not mean they get to come in to visit until you have decided you are ready.
With regards to your parents, well they need to learn to listen to you now. If they try and fight you on this, just imagine how they'll be when it comes to parenting!

Finally, please please please do not plan your birth too much. Things happen and you need to be able to go with the flow and not be too disappointed if things go differently. The ultimate goal is to get baby out safely and you do literally whatever it takes. Don't put pressure on yourself.

[TheWernethWife]

Gina when I had my daughter I only had two midwives in the room, it was a lovely experience. My husband got on my nerves waffling and interfering so I told him to fuck off home and come back when it was over. If he hadn't I would have got off the bloody bed and throttled him

[Idratherhaveacupoftea]

I'm old, no dads allowed at the birth. I had a GP birth, I don't think they do them anymore. My lovely GP delivered mine along with midwives. Then he visited me for the first 3 days in hospital then was on the doorstep when I arrived home to make sure everything was ok. Can you imagine that nowadays? I saw one on One Born Every Minute when her dad was there!!!! Just No.

[expatinscotland]

I wouldn't even have him there if he has that attitude.

[IWouldLikeToKnow]

I'm really close to my family but there is no way anyone but my husband was going to be there. We didn't tell anyone tell after the event that I was even in the hospital. I was in for >30hrs before baby came. I even spoke to them on the phone but didn't let on where I was. Not that they were going to come to the hospital (they knew not to) but I couldn't deal with the calls and texts that would have followed had they known

[GinUnicorn]

To echo everyone it's entirely your choice. No one should make you feel guilty or put pressure on you. Stick to your guns and ignore x

[Roseandmabelshouse]

I've just remembered I have a very vague due date. Baby is due end of c month (she was actually due at the beginning).

[lookingforthecorkscrew]

You're usually only allowed 2 birth partners, max. So just say you didn't want to give one mum preferential treatment over the other and have it be just you and DH.

[elephantelsa]

Forgot to add op, I'd seriously show him this thread. It's hard enough if you're other half is on board and you've got an overbearing family, let alone if he's not on the same page!!!

I was so shocked at how vulnerable I felt after giving birth and it's really not the time to be having these conversations. Good luck x

[GummyGoddess]

I just wanted to add that I was extremely lucky and actually had a really lovely birth, mostly to plan, no stitches, etc and surprisingly no pooping. I STILL wouldn't have wanted anyone else there to witness it, it was private, quiet and calm and when DC was born he didn't even cry. He had to be prodded by the midwives into doing a tiny cry for their checks (which he passed with full marks, he was just very calm).

Good luck with birth and baby!

[elephantelsa]

This is what I'm dreading about baby no 2. It actually put a huge damper on the whole thing last time.
Traumatic birth, resulting in complicated surgery
Discharged myself form hospital early because it was too noisy to rest with everyone else's visitors squealing and shouting
Which resulted in every relative thinking it's fine to bombard my mobile, landline and knock at the door
MIL was the worst as they were both really poorly with sickness/flu type bug and still talks about how she was "robbed" because I wouldn't let her near my newborn while she was still sick.
DH was fully on board too and also got pissed off with everyone. He was very good at fighting them off but they also won't take no for an answer.

I'm thinking of not telling anyone apart from my parents that dc2 is here as they are watching dc1. Not sure that's going to go down well though

[Halebeke425]

Wow that is unbelievable how unreasonable all your family are being. How dare they put pressure on you and make you stressed like this! The birth of a child is not a spectator event and as it's your first you have enough to think about without all this aggro!

Put your foot down. If they carry on show them all this thread so they can see how utterly ridiculous and inappropriate they are being.

[Angrybird345]

Make sure you tell the hospital that under no circumstances is anyone else to join you when you have the baby, everyone is banned except OH and they will respect that.... and tell that that OH doesn't get a choice either. And squeeze his hand lots when you give birth!!

[FluffyWuffy100]

He can have his mum there, if you can take your friend along the next time a doctor sticks his hand up his bottom for his prostate check.

You're the patient. You decide.

[ZZZZ1111]

No way. My birth was a private affair in hospital. We didn't tell anyone I was in labour. We called the grandparents about 5 hours after baby was born after we had enjoyed some precious time with him, had my stitches, recovered a bit from the physical impact of Labour. No one minded. Your baby your rules! No way would I have wanted anyone else there during the labour / just after.

[DianaPrincessOfThemyscira]

I love my mum but I didn’t want her there. Both her and my sister think I’m a ‘prude’ because of this.



If you think they’ll just show up - don’t tell them when you go into labour. If you think your husband will tell them anyway - tell your midwife that no one else is allowed to visit.

Otherwise, just tell them ‘you’ll think about it’ and refuse to discuss it as it stressing you out. All the while obviously you know you have no intention of letting them in.

Why people (not you, them) get so up in arms about this is beyond me.

[Elendon]

Don't tell them when you are going in to give birth. Do not post an update. Tell them after the event. hide partner's phone

[MissDuke]

There's no way the hospital will allow 3 birth partners anyway or immediate visiting, so DH needs to wise up. He is being really selfish here by not listening to you. I would be very angry in your shoes.

As a mw, I find often 2 birth partners creates a less relaxed atmosphere and I find mothers in particular often try to push the labourer into having an epidural etc and they often are very on edge and create anxiety.

I just wouldn't tell anyone when you go in, or for a couple of hours after.

[flobella]

I think GummyGoddess has made a good point - surely the more people in the room, the more overwhelming it is for the baby too? It must be overwhelming anyway so surely the best thing for baby is to be born into a quiet room, with as few people there as possible, and to go straight to the safety of mum and stay there for as long as possible? I've never really thought of it like this but it seems kind of cruel that a baby gets passed round within just a few hours of being born when all they probably want is the safety and sanctity of their mum...

[HouseworkIsASin10]

YANBU. Luckily I went in earlier than due date so me and partner snook in, never told anybody.
Once baby was born and had a good rest, then we did the ringing around and told them they could come in on the evening visit.

Everybody had the same reaction - complete surprise and delight. Not one person moaned that we didn't tell them about being in labour.

Do it your way.

[Chaosofcalm]

From your title I thought you were talking about ‘free birthing’ which is without any medical professional.

Having people you don’t want at the birth will stress you out, slowing down your labour and leading to a high risk birth for you and your baby. Ask your partner while he thinks having his Mum there is more important than yours and your baby’s lives.