Trivial: but why can't I get the hairstyle I want?

[monkeymamma]

Three times now in a row.

My (amazing) hairdresser moved abroad. I have been to three different hairdressers since. The first (her colleague) said I was "boring" to want the same (wonderful, classic, confidence-boosting) style his colleague had been doing for me and insisted on going shorter and adding layers. I said I didn't want layers because they make my very thick hair "big". He added them anyway and then did a very "big" glam blow-dry which I hate, hate, hate.

I didn't go back. I tried a cheap local hairdresser, then a very expensive job yesterday in nearest city. (Both times growing hair in the meantime so they could put it right.) The conversation BOTH TIMES has gone as follows:

Me: previous hairdresser has cut layers, please get rid of them. Also, previous hairdresser thinned out my fringe, please cut it heavy and blunt

Hairdresser: hmm, I think the best thing I can do is cut into the layers (Adds more layers/makes shortest layers shorter). Oh there you go I've thinned your fringe, that's much better.

Me: AAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAnd back to square 1.

Any ideas? Any hairdressers out there think I'm asking wrong? I feel like young hairdressers see someone over 35 and think "aaah, they must want layers to soften their hideous ancient features/hark back to their glory days when Jennifer Aniston's layers ruled the world". Tell me this isn't the case.

I don't think I've ever left a salon feeling like I've got the cut I asked for. About 10 weeks later it's always just starting to grow into a style I don't mind and then it's due another scalping trim

Have you got pictures of your hair when you liked it? Show that to the hairdresser and ask them to do exactly that - no layers, no thinning of fringe just exactly what is in the picture

I have found ONE hairdresser who listens.
One. Where are you based?

I found a great hairdresser, she's 18 and training, does exactly what I want as has great ideas, I found her at the local training college, maybe try there?

This is why I hate going to the hairdresser. Most of the time, they are not as competent as they would like to believe, and cannot deviate from the haircuts they know, and also are quite shit at recognising hair types.

OP I totally sympathise! I have had the same with most hairdressers, they seem to want to do the exact opposite of what I have asked!

Even the colour I have requested, twice now I have gone to 2 different hairdressers with actual pictures of what I want (ombre/balayage type highlights starting a good few inches down my hair) but somehow they manage to do them right up to the root... JUST HOW!!!!

The best thing is when I told my mum/friends etc. what I had actually asked for they said "you should have shown them a picture"

I found an amazing hairdresser about 5 years ago and she gave it up completely after having her 3rd child. Went to someone else, she was brilliant the first twice then thinned all my hair out. I didn't go back, tried a third who also used thinning scissors the second time! Now I've got big hair when it gets blow dried but it settles down within a few hours and then all the wispy bits start kicking out.
I don't know who to try next.

Thanks to everyone who's replied!

KAT I feel your pain.

Fenella I'm in Cambs if you know anyone good I'd love any recommendations. Although I'll have to wait another couple of months to save up some more money!!

MonkeysMummy, I can show them pictures of when I liked it, but it was much longer :-( the first bad hairdresser butchered it basically. I can show them my fringe I guess. I keep saying Nancy from Hollyoaks/Dawn French/Claudia Winkleman and getting blank looks. I don't think a one of them has even gotten it straight tbh - I've had to come home and neaten it myself.

Has anyone ever complained? I'm thinking of doing that this time. It was £50 so not cheap! I just don't want to go back and get a "free" version of the above mentioned conversation (plus it always take hours, esp with travel time, and I'm so overwhelmed with work/kids/housework anyway...). Also I'm terrible at any kind of confrontation. But I thought I could phone, ask for the manager, and explain politely... is that a terrible idea though.

Ah. The one I have is London - sorry!

I'd have lost it at the first bloke calling me boring and screwed up the style!
Do you have any photos of your do just after the good hairdresser did it? I'd grow it out, go to see someone new with those and tell them quite how much it meant to you, how your last 3 haircuts made you feel and ask for your style back. If they can see you're upset, all the better.

I feel your pain with the layers and big hair

I would definitely complain and not pay if you have clearly stated what you want and they do something different. Take a photo of dawn or Claudia or yourself with the desired cut - ask very clearly if they can do it and if they say no go elsewhere. If they say yes and don't do it then don't pay.

It sounds like you may need to have an ugly growing out phase though....

I feel your pain, the layers thing infuriates me - I think they do it to alleviate their own boredom.

Me: no short layers
Them: Ok. just long ones

Looks Ok when they blow dry it then when I wash it, I spot these tufty layers that stick out. Aghhhh.

Rinse repeat. Etc.

Found a new hairdresser who does so a better job, but its a bread and butter service, no offer of a cup of tea or coffee, or a magazine and half the locals in and out having a gossip and getting my hair cut is the only pamper thing I do.

Claudia Winkleman has a dreadful fringe.

Maybe there's some hairdressers version of the Hippocratic oath that means they can't inflict it on you no matter how much you ask for it.

This is how I spoke to my new hairdresser.

I want some colour, but no warmth at all. At all. My hair throws out a lot of red so nothing, warm, gold, caramel or with a hint of red. Fla ashy colour only.

Then we look at the colour chart and I confirm she knows what to put on. Even if they are sceptical. I stand firm.

Hair cut-

Blunt cut please, no layers, no shortning at the front to ‘frame my face’
Shows pictures. Like that. Don’t put any layers in it. Ok?

Shows other pictures of what I don’t want.

Hairdresser looks sceptical and tries to get me to agree to some layering. I stand firm.

Drying. Do not dry it off my face. Dry is straight and flat. No volume through the crown. None. Ok? I sometimes make them stop and reiterate.

I am a bloody nightmare. But I do know what I want. I tip well and my hairdresser is brilliant now.

The end.

Fenella who is your hairdresser please?

I'm becoming borderline phobic about going to the hair salon. It's such a trauma. Every time I find a hairdresser I actually like, they leave after cutting my hair once or twice. (It's not me, I promise ) I gave the salon I'd been going to another chance a couple of weeks ago, and in spite of getting a "Director", I was assigned a quite irritating 22yo girl who knew literally nothing about hair (she told me henna is damaging to hair "because of the chemicals" ) and who gave me the most boring imaginable cut. I'm completely stuck now! I have thin, fine, flat hair, and there's no point whatsoever spending money on getting it cut. I really want to find a nice competent person to trim it for me at home but I can't seem to find anyone for love nor money - I thought there'd be dozens!

No help, sorry, but this is why I haven’t been to a hairdresser since moving house nearly three years ago.

I hate hairdressers that don't do as you ask. A year ago I asked for some darker ash blonde lowlights through my hair - ended up with very orangey streaks. Never really had a hairdresser do exactly what I want which is why I never stick to one.

OP if they do the opposite of what you ask don't pay!!!! You can go back and demand they sort it out, but might be tricky if they have cut off bits that needed keeping.
Where does dawn french get hers done?? Go there every third year once you have saved up??? Argh.

@QuimReaper Nathalie Bayley at Percy and Reed - she’s amazing! www.percyandreed.com/salons/meet-the-team/nathalie-bayley/

ombre/balayage type highlights starting a good few inches down my hair) but somehow they manage to do them right up to the root... JUST HOW!!!!

Oh yes, I paid triple figures for a hairdresser to give me balayage but she gave me a full head of highlights with an inch of roots?? I've since done my own ombre/balayage at home with an £8 Bleach London kit and I get lots of compliments on it.

Well over a year after my last bad cut, I'm still tucking it behind my ear because it hasn't quite evened up yet. The hairdresser, in her infinite wisdom, curled my hair with GHDs and then started cutting into it again! She cut a massive chunk out of the right side which was only noticeable when I dried and straightened my hair a couple of days later. It looked like three different haircuts in one. This is the only time I've ever complained to a salon but the director gave me a free cut and blow the same day - and even he couldn't do much to tidy it up. It was a disgrace

OP are you near the Cambs/Norfolk border? I can recommend someone if you are!

Thanks Fenella! Can't work out if she's at the East or West London branch?

Can I ask what kind of hair you have? I'm really hoping you're going to say "thin, fine, straight, flat and slippy"

I feel your pain. Last time I went I was quite clear, just a trim, I don't like layers I don't want any more layers.
So the hairdresser chopped a load off and gave me loads of new layers and a Rachel from friends. So now I've got to grow it out....

I’m very happy with my hairdresser in Huntingdon OP if that’s any use?

I can't ever get them to cut the layers short enough or get them to blow it out big enough. Totally put off going now.