Trivial: but why can't I get the hairstyle I want?

[monkeymamma]

Three times now in a row.

My (amazing) hairdresser moved abroad. I have been to three different hairdressers since. The first (her colleague) said I was "boring" to want the same (wonderful, classic, confidence-boosting) style his colleague had been doing for me and insisted on going shorter and adding layers. I said I didn't want layers because they make my very thick hair "big". He added them anyway and then did a very "big" glam blow-dry which I hate, hate, hate.

I didn't go back. I tried a cheap local hairdresser, then a very expensive job yesterday in nearest city. (Both times growing hair in the meantime so they could put it right.) The conversation BOTH TIMES has gone as follows:

Me: previous hairdresser has cut layers, please get rid of them. Also, previous hairdresser thinned out my fringe, please cut it heavy and blunt

Hairdresser: hmm, I think the best thing I can do is cut into the layers (Adds more layers/makes shortest layers shorter). Oh there you go I've thinned your fringe, that's much better.

Me: AAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAnd back to square 1.

Any ideas? Any hairdressers out there think I'm asking wrong? I feel like young hairdressers see someone over 35 and think "aaah, they must want layers to soften their hideous ancient features/hark back to their glory days when Jennifer Aniston's layers ruled the world". Tell me this isn't the case.

If you're happy to travel to a south cambs village I can recommend someone who really listens - pm me

No wonder the Mumsnet haircut was invented!

@QuimReaper - she’s in the West End branch. Mine is thin, slippery, wavy but styled straight! She’s really good.

Thanks Fenella! The nice thing about having pictures of the stylists is you can see what their hair is like - one of the ones in the East one looks like she might have hair a bit like mine. £90 a pop though

Sorry can't suggest anything but this is the reason I learned to cut my own hair ...

Also, does anyone else find, even in theoretically good salons, that if you walk in looking unkempt, they don't really seem to bother as much with you? Since they're going to wash and style my hair I feel I should be able to walk in with it dry-shampooed and shoved back, but I've definitely noticed that whenever I've had to style my hair myself before going to the salon, I'm treated with much more respect, and they take the time to make it look decent before I leave. I never even make plans after a haircut these days, because I refuse to style my hair just to immediately jump on a bus and have them dunk it in a sink, but unless I do, I walk out with it looking awful

This is why I haven't been near a hairdresser in over 18 months.

@QuimReaper I’ve gone to Percy and Reed since I was a penniless student and was going for free cuts with their trainees and they’ve always been wonderful!

I feel you.

I once went to a hairdresser and said to the girl "I want to tone down the blonde".

I go to pay and the owner says, excitedly "you've gone blonder!"

I said I actually asked for the oppos

Post fail.

Opposite and never went back.

My stylist is amazing. I have a thick chin length bob, he cuts it shorter into the nape but that's it. As far as colour goes, I haven't had a full head colour for ages. He touches up the roots and puts a one or two highlights in if he thinks it need it. Saves me about £40. He's not cheap but he's worth every penny.

amusedbush yeah I colour my own now, always looks much better, last time I did ombre myself I used Loreal wild ombres and it looked exactly like I wanted it to (i.e. like the pics I had previously shown these hairdressers!!)

I used to see a fabulous hairdresser in Central London, but she too moved back to her birth country. I was devastated. She was the best hairdresser by far that I’ve used.

I’ve remained at the same salon, as it’s in a convenient location, and one of more reasonably priced ones I can find. I’ve had two other really good hairdressers there since, but unfortunately they’ve also both left after seeing them just a few times.

The last time I went, I asked for my usual style (long wavy, slightly inverted bob), and showed the hairdresser some photos. I’d decided that I wanted the back shorter than usual to create a more dramatic inverted shape, keeping the front as long as possible. Again I showed photos. What did the fucking idiot do? She cut a huge chunk out of my hair up to chin length!!! I’m usually very calm, but I really lost my temper.

The ‘effect’ I have since had in my hair still looks fucking ridiculous - a completely disconnected and unflattering ‘style.’ The chin length section is about 4 inches wide, and whilst it has lengthened, it still looks stupid. The rest of my hair is a lot longer, and is very tatty, but there’s no way I’m getting it trimmed again until the front section gets a bit longer, otherwise I may end up with a kind of 1994 haircut again.

KAT0779

That's the one I used the first time! And it looked exactly how I'd pictured it. I used the Bleach London kit once it had grown out a bit but I plan to go back to the L'Oreal one next time.

I find that if you like a 'boring' style, you should go to the trendiest salon you can find, as they are used to people wanting all sorts of different things and assume you want your hair to look good even if you are not getting something fashionable done.

I go to a salon in Dalston to get my extremely dull/unfashionable haircuts, and they do what I say!

Argeles are you me? That's EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED!! (With the first, very trendy, very rude hairdresser.) It's very cathartic to hear it's not just me.

KAT and Amused, I am loving your bayalage ideas. If I can ever get a decent cut and grow mine out a bit I would like to try that colour-wise.

Flowery Huntingdon is very close for me! I would love details of your hairdresser?

Percy and Reed is also a great option as I used to go into London (in fact the hairdresser who was rude/who started off this whole sorry farrago is a London hairdresser and not a cheap one either!) so could go again. I love their products.

So, I called the salon and asked to speak to the manager (cringed a bit as I said that!) She was LOVELY. They said to come in at the weekend and see their most senior stylist, she will decide whether she can improve now or whether we should wait a few weeks and they'll cut it again for free. Even if they can only make a small improvement I'll feel a lot happier because they've reacted so well to me complaining (phew!!!). I am one of life's pathologically non-confrontational types so I'm very relieved they were nice about it :-)

Good on you OP for complaining

Nice to know I'm not alone. I went to the hairdressers yesterday and had to stop her 3 times to say I want it shorter, add more layers. Eventually gave up, paid and will book in with another place next week. Why don't they listen??

After coming home in tears from the hairdressers last August, I've been letting my hair grow since because not they just want to LISTEN!

I honestly fucking loathe hairdressers.

All of you talking about your hairdressers defecting is giving me the horrors! I love mine, she's the only person who has ever given me a bob that keeps shape and dries in style.

I have a superb hairdresser in SG5 if you're interested, OP.

I find very few hairdressers listened to me. The one I go to now is brilliant and I just ask him to suggest something. I'm always happy with the results and it's not expensive. Not in Cambs though.

I agree with Atalune. I have to be extremely blunt and repetitive. ie, "please don't cut short layers, I have had very bad experience with this, so just long layers, to here, not short ones"
Then when they come to cutting the layers "Cant remember if i mentioned already but just long layers none short".
Then give a generous tip if you are happy. I don't care if she thinks i'm a weirdo, worth it to be happy with your hair.

I finally found a salon that colours my hair mostly right ( not too brassy) but I haven’t had a cut in 2 years. I want 0 layers, blunt straight cut... stop giving me fluffy wonky hair. My hair is thin you’re making it thinner.

I just lightly trim my own now.