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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nephhew’s baptism

35 replies

EWAB · 06/02/2018 14:13

All siblings and partners are invited to my nephew’s Christening. Our children are not.

My brother says that his children behave better when cousins are not around and will chat away with adults.
If other children are around they run everywhere, churn up the garden and last time he had to go shopping for more lunchbox stuff as child guests ate everything.
He wants to enjoy party and not have it turned into a crèche.
I am really upset!

OP posts:
araiwa · 06/02/2018 14:15

dont go then

falsepriest · 06/02/2018 14:15

So, adults only? Or everyone except your kids?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 06/02/2018 14:15

Don't go then! Tbh my kids behave better when their cousins aren't there either, though I wouldn't exclude them!

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 06/02/2018 14:16

It's their perogative.

Just don't go if it's upsetting to you.

My dc behave worse when there's loads of kids about too. I would rather limit that at an important event too.

Greensleeves · 06/02/2018 14:19

I wouldn't go. But then, I don't approve of excluding children from family occasions, I find it precious and anti-social.

hibbledibble · 06/02/2018 14:21

If they aren't inviting children, they should be prepared people can't come as a result. Just say you can't come.

SweetMoon · 06/02/2018 14:23

I wouldn't go. Dont get the whole excluding children from everything. And hes basically saying he can't control his kids if other children are there, so the answer is to exclude all other children Hmm

mindutopia · 06/02/2018 14:30

Agree think it's fine to have it be adults only if they want, though I imagine that makes it impossible for a lot of people to attend. I think that's a more reasonable thing to do for a wedding when people are in their 20s and it's a big party and no one really has kids yet anyway. But for a baptism, which is all about children, likely inviting lots of family who already have children, it likely excludes a lot of people who won't have access to childcare. But still, their choice. They just can't get upset if you don't want to or can't come. Personally, no, I wouldn't go. As a rule, I don't do events that are adults only as we have no one nearby who could help us with childcare in off hours.

grannytomine · 06/02/2018 14:31

I wouldn't go. I think it seems odd to exclude children from a family event that is specifically about a child.

HollyBayTree · 06/02/2018 14:32

Can you calrify this bit ?

Our children are not.

Uur as in all my siblings children , or our as in my children.

If it's totally child free, whats the problem? Although as a christening is about childen I cant see the point of having a child free one.

SavvyBlancBlonde · 06/02/2018 14:33

Isn’t baptism part of a church ceremony? If that’s the case, there would be children from congregation members which would render his arguement moot

Original poster
EWAB · 06/02/2018 15:07

No child is invited back to his house for refreshments. My children are now teenagers and excluded from the party as they are same relation as my siblings’ children. His friends’ children are also banned. He wants to relax. I feel that the next generation will not know each other because of adult only weddings and now this. Of course you can invite people to your house but there will be no ‘landmark ‘ events. Sad!

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 06/02/2018 15:12

But at the same time if there are a lot of children it ends up feeling like a children's birthday party. So long as he doesn't get hissy when someone can't come due to a lack of childcare it's his right.

Greensleeves · 06/02/2018 15:15

Why doesn't he just stay at home on his own and "relax" then? If he doesn't want a sizeable proportion of his family there fucking up his vibe?

Child-free christenings. They want shooting Hmm

Graphista · 06/02/2018 15:16

Bloody hell I've heard it all now! A child free baptism!

Sorry I would decline and tell him he's an antisocial child hating knob

Wtf! I would LOVE to know what the minister would make of this!

grannytomine · 06/02/2018 15:19

OP can you go to the actual service with your children and just not go back to his house?

TheQueenOfWands · 06/02/2018 15:19

Then don't go.

He sounds pretty boring. Party will be dull.

FuzzyCustard · 06/02/2018 15:22

His choice in his house. However, you can't be excluded from the church, so do that bit if you want to.

RatherBeRiding · 06/02/2018 15:24

I would go to the church service, with my children, and politely decline to go back to the house afterwards.

mumpoints · 06/02/2018 15:39

We've experienced this a couple of times. One of the parents was honest and said they didn't want other children detracting from their son (who was being baptised) on his big day. Maybe there is a touch of this with your brother OP?

Just go to the church as others have suggested. You can then go and do something noisy with the kids!

C0ldF33t · 06/02/2018 15:42

His event, his choice Confused

A baptism isn’t meant to be like a screaming kids’ party. If you want your kids to get to know their cousins, throw a party yourself. As teenagers do they even care?

YellowFlower201 · 06/02/2018 15:42

I'd go to the church service and not join him for the afternoon. His loss!

missyB1 · 06/02/2018 15:43

If its a child free event I suggest he doesn't take his child either, and a whole bunch of adults can turn up to church and stand around like lemons!

Honestly some people are weird!

Frillyhorseyknickers · 06/02/2018 15:49

Perhaps he’s too polite to say that actually, your children are badly behaved and he can’t deal with them eating him out of food for the day and running round screaming. Doesn’t sound fun - can’t your children engage in conversation?

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 06/02/2018 15:50

Child free wedding... Not to my taste but fair enough. Child free Christening... Fucking ridiculous