To consider this friend a CF and go LC?

[Peoplesuckballs]

Friend accepted invitation to my child's birthday party then texted me to say that can't make it as her child's best friend has party on the same day. She offered to meet on the next day, but I feel really let down as my child is only inviting a few people and she knows I have been struggling with health issues and isolation due to maternity leave.

Really nasty Shutyoface

I agree, it is nasty to stop a small child going to their bfs party so you can go to your friends. Glad someone agrees.

FFS. Nothing to do with being a 'little girl' or a 'boy'. This isn't a feminist issue, it's a decency one.

No Shutyoface, it's nasty to get personal. Calm down.

Please dontvpresume that I agree with you either Shutyoface.

It doesn't matter whether the child is a boy or a girl. My post about teaching children manners and understanding that people have feelings. Teaching "we must think about other people's feelings, but only if we're getting our own way" doesn't cut the mustard with me.

Sorry, I didn't finish my first sentence -

My post about teaching children manners and understanding that people have feelings applies to any sex.

What it says is my adult friends and their feelings matter, my child and her friends feelings do not.

What? No. It says that the feelings of the little girl whose invitation you accepted first matters. You forgot about her.

It is a feminist issue. Do you always puke at people calling little girls little girls? How odd.

What? No. It says that the feelings of the little girl whose invitation you accepted first matters. You forgot about her

I didn't. OP admits that the children are not really friends, the adults are. Considering its almost 2 months away, the child can invite someone she is actually friends with.
That way the children are happy, the other childs mother is happy. Only OP is the one with the issue, and the party really isn't about her, is it?

I'm in the 'you go to the first one you accepted' camp. Think how you'd feel if someone did that to you!

The OP says the children are friends. Additionally, the OP’s daughter only invited 5 friends. She now has to tell her daughter that this friend isn’t coming after all. What is she supposed to say: she got invited to a party by a better friend after she said yes to you, so she’s changed her mind?

Shut, there's absolutely no point responding to you further as you miss every single point. Every one. The 70th birthday was an eye-opener of your lack of comprehension. So I'm going to leave it there.

I think YABU, sorry. Your friends daughter would rather go her bestfriend´s party than her mother's friend´s daughter. Your friend has told you a month before the party that she isn´t coming, and she has offered another date to meet up right after the party, It would be different if she were changing plans last minute. I think she is behaving entirely reasonably and going LC with her would be a huge overreaction.

Think of it this way, your mum calls and says her best friend Mable is havin a wee party for her birthday and her daughter is going why don't you come along and as you were friends at school. Your not doing anything so you say ok. Your best friend then comes in and says she has had brilliant news and wants to go out and party with you. So you contact Mable and say sorry you can't make the party but you will come over in the morning with croissants and coffee and meet with everyone then.

Does that sound unreasonable? Going and celebrating with your best friend rather than your mums?

So yes I get why you are a little peeved but YABU

In this circumstance I think it is perfectly acceptable for the child to go to their bf’s party rather than the parent’s friend’s child’s birthday. I would be perfectly understanding of a change of plan for this reason if it were my child. I don’t think this is any reason to fall out with a friend and I certainly would not think a friend was rude if they did this 6 weeks before the event.

Clearly not everyone thinks the same but I guess that’s what makes the world an interesting place. I also think it is bonkers to live your life caring too much what other people think about your decisions, you need to have the courage of your convictions and learn to suck up consequences. So OP if you want to go LC for this, then you don’t need anyone’s approval because if this is a boundary for you that is enough.

I also think planning a children’s birthday party 6 weeks in advance is incredibly impressive but that is by the by. Kudos.

If you accept an invitation you generally honour it, regardless of a better offer coming along. Common courtesy.

geekone, honestly? No, that doesn’t sound reasonable to me. I’d say to my friend, oh, yay, I’d love to celebrate with you but I’ve got something on that day, can we do it the next? Because that’s the manners I was brought up with.

If you're thinking of going tow contact with your friend over this, then she doesn't sound a very close friend to begin with.

It sounds to me like you've blown this all put of proportion. It's a birthday party, not a royal wedding. Of course she wants to go to her best friends birthday.

Are they at school together or just know each other through the parents?

It is a tricky one - as yes you should keep to the first invitation you receive but was your one to your friend and then her daughter or primarily your daughter.

I can see it from her daughters perspective she wants to go to her best friends party. Did your daughter pick her as one of the 5 or did you?

If you accept an invitation you generally honour it, regardless of a better offer coming along. Common courtesy

But the child did not accept the offer and should not be punished by the mothers idea of common courtesy.

OP, the invitations issue aside, you say you're suffering isolation and health issues due to your mat leave. Been there. It's tough and you're probably feeling super sensitive to any upset If this person is a good friend in other ways, I'd say don't let this ruin your friendship and risk isolating yourself more as a result.

Crap situation however, surely it is the CHILD's decision as to who's party they want to go to?
Best friend or mum's best friends daughters? I know which my children would have chosen, and that would have been fine as it is THEIR CHOICE! Not mine as the parent, because I didn't want to upset my friend. If this was any of my friends, the first thing they would say would be 'that's fine, it's understandable they want to go to their best friends party'. Conversation over with. Sorry but I can't see the issue.

It's customary in year R and year 1 to invite the whole class, or no one from school if doing a smaller family party. My 4 year old in year R is oblivious to me accepting invites on her behalf or not, but would be very much aware and upset to miss her best friend in schools party. Who is invited to who's party they talk about every single day. I'm sure your friend would much rather be at yours. It usually isn't fun sitting through school friends parties, but she's doing it for her daughter.

With adults I agree you don't cancel if you get a better offer but this is an entirely different situation. A 5 year old is still forging early friendships for the environment they are in 5 days a week for years. Best infant school friend trumps mums friend who's kid she sees occasionally for sure.

After a lot of thinking I ended up moving the party to the next day. This way everyone can make it. It's not worth making this into a massive issue at such a difficult time in my life, but I definitely felt a bit let down, especially considering I am going through the worst time in my life. It is what it is and I have accepted that. Thank you all for your opinions.

I think that was a good compromise! Well done, and try not to let this party stuff get to you. Sounds like you have FAR bigger fish to fry. YOur DD will get a party, all her friends will be there, she'll be fine.