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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still find it difficult DP isn’t ‘perfect’

49 replies

Moananaom · 05/02/2018 22:31

No ones perfect I get that. But does anyone else absolutely love and adore their BF/DP/DH but wish they did more?

My example being my DP is an amazing selfless man but sometimes I wish he’d get me a card on special occasion with a meaningful message as opposed to a gift, or be more affectionate.

Some men just aren’t Prince Charming no matter how much we love them but please tell me I’m not alone in wishing my Dp did some of these things. I’d never want to leave him over it. But still..

OP posts:

NoNoCharlieRascal · 05/02/2018 22:34

Have you told him that's what you want?

Frillyhorseyknickers · 05/02/2018 22:35

I think there are too many bullshit films depicting men as these drippy whipped heroes. My husband has his floors, but he’d die for his family, he’s an amazing father to our son and he holds my hair back when I’m vomming and that’s far better than some half arsed poem in a card.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 05/02/2018 22:35

*flaws. Although he loves a good floor.

Jaygee61 · 05/02/2018 22:37

Do you show affection to him and tell him how much you appreciate him?

Original poster

Moananaom · 05/02/2018 22:38

Yes he knows and he’ll do and then kind of forgets again. When I see other people’s boyfriends and partners surprise them with little things or messages I do feel envious. Like I said I do love him it’s been years so it’s hardly a deal breaker just every now and then a gesture wouldn’t hurt to remind me I’m loved and appreciated

OP posts:

bridgetoc · 05/02/2018 22:39

My DH is pretty much perfect. Annoyingly so at times......... I love him to bits, but nothing is perfect. Safe to say we were never 100% compatible in bed, but that's why I have another man that helps with that.

Casmama · 05/02/2018 22:39

Come on op, Prince Charming is a fictional character in a fairytale!
Agree with previous poster- you want a card rather than a present then ask for it. You may also need to accept that your dp isn’t comfortable writing long meaningful messages in a card. I’m sure there are things that bug him about you too.

Ullupullu · 05/02/2018 22:40

Is he meant to psychically know you want this? Have you told him? What would happen if you did?

Hang on, are you "perfect"? What would he write here about you?

Hollywood romance films have a lot to answer for

Teeniemiff · 05/02/2018 22:41

I understand that. People were telling their proposal stories the other day & I was listening to these romantic & such effort gone onto proposals & mine was pretty crap. I sometimes wish on special occasions like you say he might make more of an effort, but then I don’t either & guess it’s not fair to assume it should always be him (I will add though he’s not into the romantic stuff & wouldn’t really appreciate if I was that way towards him but he knows I would like the effort made). But equally My husband is great & wouldn’t be him if he did things differently. In my earlier years I dated a guy that was so romantic & thoughtful, he put effort into everything. It was a bit sickening & off putting actually!

RaindropsAndSparkles · 05/02/2018 22:42

DH didn't do baby care
Is a workaholic
Is pernickety
Likes his own way
Was never available for pickups/parents evenings
Isn't very emotional
Has a bald patch
Totally and utterly impractical. Cannot change a plug, put up a picture, attempt flat pack
Can't cook, launder or do anything domestic.
Has put up with me for 30 years and tells me he loves me before he goes to sleep and when he wakes up.
Oh crap at presents too.

Dobbythesockelf · 05/02/2018 22:48

If you prefer a soppy card then ask for a soppy card. Personally I'm glad my dh isn't perfect and doesn't do any of the romantic cliche stuff but we are all different.
Over the last few years my dh has bought me the Buffy box set, a harry potter collectors wand, a syphilis soft toy, a tardis dress and for a set of plates with gorillas wearing fez's. He knows what I like but the first year we were together he sent romantic cards etc so in the end I told him that I don't find cliches poems romantic.
He is funny, kind, hard working and a brilliant father but he also loves fifa, dad jokes and liquorice way to much to be perfect.

ohlalalala · 05/02/2018 22:51

My dh is almost perfect
His only flaw is his relationship with alcohol. He tries to drink socially but can't. It causes a lot of problems. He needs to stop drinking or get help

ohlalalala · 05/02/2018 22:51

@bridgetoc wtf??

bridgetoc · 05/02/2018 22:54

@ohlalalala What? Don't worry....... My lovely DH does know.

InsomniacAnonymous · 05/02/2018 22:56

WTF is "a syphilis soft toy"?

Jaygee61 · 05/02/2018 22:58

WTF is "a syphilis soft toy"?

The mind boggles!

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 05/02/2018 23:02

Well!!

Our neighbours were always big gesture twats and renewed their wedding vows, had cars wrapped up in bows blah blah. They both divorced after shagging our other neighbours. Our house was in the middle

My dh makes me a cuppa, stands up for me in public even if he thinks I am wrong and is a fab dad and grandad.

Who cares about a card really.

I always mistrust romantic gestures

ohlalalala · 05/02/2018 23:03

Lol @bridgetoc I can just about be bothered with 1 man.. fair play 😀!!!

BonnieF · 05/02/2018 23:08

My DP has never bought me flowers. Not once. Nor has he ever sent me a card or taken me out on Valentine’s Day. As for poetry, forget it. He doesn’t have a single ‘romantic’ bone in his body.

He does, however, love me and all my many quirks for who I am, and that’s fine by me.

GabsAlot · 05/02/2018 23:10

my dh has never been romantic

well tell a lie 20 years ago he used to write me letters when we first met

soon stopped when we moved in-but he looks after me lets me spend his money and would stick up for for me

theres more to life

Dobbythesockelf · 05/02/2018 23:11

You can get soft toy microbes, and they have brought out Sti ones. It's a very wierd private joke stemming from moving in together halfway through university and I was studying microbioligy at the time.

moofolk · 05/02/2018 23:12

Have you heard of the idea of Love Languages? Basically people show that they love each other in very different ways. My DP annoys the fuck out of me loads but then he tidies the bookshelf where all the clutter has been.
He's brilliant in loads of ways and shit in others (like pretty much all other human beings), but part of being in a long term relationship is learning to look out for the other person's love language - as well as trying to see what you do to tell your partner you love them. For some people it's soppy messages in cards but for others that seems contrived, and for some a snuggly syphilis toy (I actually know what you're talking about dobby) or holding your hair back when you vomit says 'I love you'.

Also being open and honest helps so chat about what your love languages are. This has reminded me to go and make peace with my ever-loving DP who's also a massive grumpy twat.

SleightOfMind · 05/02/2018 23:13

Honestly, presents, soppy declarations of love, and big romantic gestures are often used to paper over cracks in a relationship.

They tend to be the actions of those who are also slightly less than sincere.

The real glue is the everyday care consideration and companionship that you get from someone who cares about you as an individual, rather than a hollow figure on a pedestal. Plus a good dash of chemistry

If your DP is honestly amazing and selfless, and there are no other issues, please don’t devalue that by comparing it to meaningless throwaway gestures.

SundaysFunday · 05/02/2018 23:13

How old are you OP? And how long have you been together?

MayFayner · 05/02/2018 23:20

My DP annoys the fuck out of me loads but then he tidies the bookshelf where all the clutter has been.

I can relate

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