Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report my aunt to the DVLA?

112 replies

IrrelevantPeasant · 05/02/2018 15:01

My aunt is fast approaching her 70th birthday and has various medical conditions which means she is no longer fit to drive. She has no intention of declaring this and intends to carry on as she currently is. I’m concerned she causes an accident and she/ someone else gets hurt/ killed. WWYD?

OP posts:
Snugglepiggy · 05/02/2018 18:02

Our relative wouldn't listen to us,but we knew if the GP said she shouldn't drive she would take note and that she had an appointment coming up. That's why we spoke to the GP, who also said he had seen her driving in the village ridiculously slowly and wondered about her competency. Of course it's the DVLA decision ultimately ,but they need to be informed.

MeridianB · 05/02/2018 18:13

I don’t think the GP sign-off is much more than a formality. I was in a similar situation with an relative of the same age and tried to persuade them, asking how they would feel if they ran over their spouse/neighbour/grandchild but they still didnt get it. The DVLA made the decision for them. It wasn’t easy but it was the right thing for all other road users. I also agree with PP that it’s not about age, but medical conditions/deterioration.

CPtart · 05/02/2018 18:24

My DM was killed when a pensioner drifted into oncoming traffic. He killed another woman too and badly injured two others.
Please report.

Ellie56 · 05/02/2018 18:27

CPtart So sorry to hear that. Flowers

tiggytape · 05/02/2018 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovesagin · 05/02/2018 18:30

I said this in a similar thread recently, report by all means op but don't necessarily expect anything to be done. A relative of mine still drove despite being reported, insurance being cancelled etc. We phoned the local police when we knew they were going to be out in their car and whereabouts but not a single thing was done. Was a miracle no one was hurt tbh.

CPtart · 05/02/2018 18:30

To those saying don't report because it's hard to 'cope' with public transport. My family now has to try and 'cope' with the premature loss of a mother, sister and grandma. She was only in her 60's. The other victim in her 40's. Not comparable. Not worth the risk.

Olympiathequeen · 05/02/2018 18:34

Inform her doctor and the dvla. Make the GP aware you have kept a record of informing him because that put the onus on him to do something about it.

We’ve all seen reports of the mayhem bad drivers cause

welshsoph · 05/02/2018 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiotAndAlarum · 05/02/2018 18:42

With regard to those worrying about (old people's) losing their independence: the solution is often to downsize or move to a town centre/ within reach of public transport while one's still competent to forge a new life in the new place.

missymayhemsmum · 05/02/2018 18:47

You could report her anonymously, or you and other family members could intervene and persuade her to give up her car and spend the money on taxis instead when you can't give her a lift. Persuade her that bus pass plus train pass plus taxis plus willing nieces plus online shopping = independence

You have my sympathy, OP. I'm bracing myself for the same conversation with dm except that she's pretty good on the road, just can't be trusted with bollards and low walls in car parks.

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2018 18:48

That's really bad Lovesagin. We found our local police really understanding and helpful when my dad tried driving after his lucense was revoked. Our local constable came round and had a kindly but very firm word and made it clear that if he had to come round again there would be further action. My dad was initially very upset but did get the message, whilst my mum and I felt both guilty and hugely relieved.

Lizzie48 · 05/02/2018 18:58

I would echo what PPs have said, that you should report her. And yes, short journeys can be the most dangerous; my FIL died in a car accident 14 years ago, when he and my MIL were out shopping; he was pulling out to go home, he somehow missed seeing there was a car coming. The driver was probably going too fast for the location, in that there was a corner impairing vision, but it was basically a tragic accident.

Driving is dangerous and accidents can shatter lives forever.

TatianaLarina · 05/02/2018 19:11

She will not be reliant on public transport anyway.

She just needs to change the way she shops - switch to supermarket deliveries, Amazon Prime and other online retailers.

And take taxis where necessary. That’s what my aunt does and it doesn’t work out any more expensive than running a car.

cantkeepawayforever · 05/02/2018 19:23

My grandfather had been a senior policeman.

As he became elderly, he had a minor accident, and knew that he hadn't seen the other car that was involved. He rang my mum from the scene. She thought he needed to be taken to the doctor / hospital, but instead he demanded to be taken to the police station. He there and then handed over his license to the police, his car keys to my mum, shook hands with the (rather surprised) policeman on duty, and never drove again.

I do miss him, his unbending uprightness and probity and his vast (but hidden) generosity.

specialsubject · 05/02/2018 19:24

Correct, i didn't suggest that people are unfit drivers due to age. Many on mn only read what suits their agenda.

No one should drive when unfit. I don't if tired, sick or distracted. It is not worth the risk to me or anyone else.

Keep taxi money. If you can afford to run even an old banger, you can afford that.

HelenaDove · 05/02/2018 19:27

"A courier for the parcel giant DPD who was fined for attending a medical appointment to treat his diabetes collapsed and died of the disease, it has emerged. Don Lane, 53, from Christchurch in Dorset, missed appointments with specialists because he felt under pressure to cover his round and faced DPD’s £150 daily penalties if he did not find cover, his widow has told the Guardian.

DPD delivers parcels for Marks & Spencer, Amazon and John Lewis but only pays couriers per parcel delivered. It treats them as self-employed franchisees and they receive no sick or holiday pay. The company’s system of charging drivers if they cannot cover their round has been described as appalling by the chairman of the House of Commons’ work and pensions committee, Frank Field.

Lane had collapsed twice, including once into a diabetic coma while at the wheel of his DPD van during deliveries, when the company fined him in July after he went to see a specialist about eye damage caused by diabetes. He collapsed again in September and finally in late December having worked through illness during the Christmas rush. He died at the Royal Bournemouth hospital on 4 January, leaving behind a widow, Ruth, and a 22-year-old son. He had worked for DPD for 19 years"

Dungeondragon15 · 05/02/2018 19:30

Yes, because 70-year-olds' lives revolve around shopping don't they?

People aren't assuming that all 70 year old's lives revolve around shopping! They are basing their comment on the fact that OP says that her aunt thinks it is okay because she is only driving for 5 minutes to the shops.

ConfusedButInLove · 05/02/2018 19:34

The elderly are give bus passes to make sure they are able to get around.

I would inform the go and ask him to take the lead.

Lives should not be put in danger by an unfit driver either they are 36 or 70.
It could save a live

greendale17 · 05/02/2018 19:43

Of course you should report her. But you already knew that.

AHungryMum · 05/02/2018 19:50

Horrible situation to be in but definitely report.

We are all trying desperately hard to talk my nearly 90 year old Grandma into giving up. She went for an eye test at the hospital and unfortunately the doctor asked her the wrong questions. Instead of saying "do you still drive.", he asked her "how did you get here today.", she told him her sister's husband had driven her there, which was true, so the doctor naively assumed she wasn't driving any more and didn't pursue it further. This was unhelpful, in my view. Like your aunt, she only drives very very short distances and seems to think that's fine.

What terrifies me is that a)she might kill someone, including herself, and b) if she does have a major accident and gets prosecuted for death by dangerous driving then she will still get sent to jail, despite her age and previous good character. I have tried pointing out this latter fact to her and she still won't give up!

A lot of older people view driving as some kind of right, rather than the massive responsibility and burden that it is. It's one of the last things that some elderly people can hang on to as a source of their sense of independence and thus they are fiercely protective of it.

I desperately wish they would introduce compulsory driving re-tests after a certain age. This would also get my 70 year old father with glaucoma off the road. He is also a terrible driver and I'm terrified of him having an accident too.... 😢

DistanceCall · 05/02/2018 20:00

AHungryMum - so why don't you report your relatives if you are terrified of their being killed or killing someone???

Dungeondragon15 · 05/02/2018 20:02

I desperately wish they would introduce compulsory driving re-tests after a certain age. This would also get my 70 year old father with glaucoma off the road.

He should have reported that to the DVLA though and they will write to his ophthalmologist and GP to see if it is okay for him to drive.

I agree that they should have compulsory driving tests after a certain age as whether or not someone has a specific medical condition that will effect driving reaction times etc are slower.

AHungryMum · 05/02/2018 20:15

@distancecall and @dungeondragon15
The optician and GP have already discussed it with him. His eyesight is deemed good enough to drive. The glaucoma was caught pretty early on and the eye drops he has for it stop it from worsening.

My main concerns about his driving are not the glaucoma, although that doesn't help. My main concern is that he is a terrible driver. He panics too much, etc. Alas, I can't exactly call up his GP or the DVLA and say simply "my Dad is a shit driver, please take his licence off him", the only hope would have been the glaucoma but medical professionals have signed him off as being fit to drive so there's nothing sadly I can achieve by speaking to medical professionals who treat him.

With my Grandma, I don't know who her GP or hospital consultant was (we live at opposite ends of the country) so I wouldn't know who to tip off. I'm still working on trying to persuade her to give up by extolling the virtues of being free of the burden of driving (I haven't driven myself for over 18 months and only use public transport), and eventually I shall resort to tough love/shock tactics if necessary. I was apparently the person who talked my late Grandpa out of driving when I was a kid by saying "Grandpa, how would you feel if you had an accident and killed someone?". I have no recollection of this but apparently he quietly agreed with me and my brother and Dad then got rid of his car at his request before he had chance to change his mind! Alas my belligerent nature and bluntness means I am the designated family "bad cop" when it comes to things like this....