Who’s lie-in is it anyway?

[rumbuba]

DH is annoyed with me but I’m not sure how bad I should be feeling about it.

DH has the morning off of work today (was meant to be the whole day but he forgot he has a big project meeting this afternoon at work). He was out at our local watching the super bowl til 4am.
I woke him up at 7:30 to get DC1 (3yrs old) ready for nursery and to get there in time for breakfast at 8:30 (15m walk one way, or 25m with little legs).
He is annoyed because he should be getting a lie in (he says it’s the whole reason he took the morning off). I said he could go back to bed when he returns as he doesn’t need to leave for work until midday.

The reason I haven’t done nursery drop off today (or any day he’s had off) is because I’m up with 6week old dc2 for large chunks if the night (i’m breastfeeding so he can’t exactly help with that yet and he works full time so even if bottle feeding i would generally do it and let him sleep).
He hasn’t been sleeping well recently, mild insomnia and a bad back (which he still hasn’t seen anyone about but that’s for another day). He sleeps in the spare room so we don’t disturb him with the nighttime feeds & nappy changes. He sometimes shares with us on weekends but if he’s been drinking he snores so I send him to the spare room anyway.

I would usually be sleeping when the baby sleeps during the day but we have builders in drilling and sawing and asking me questions so i’m either hiding in the living room watching tv with headphones or escaping the house to the local mall / meeting up with local parents for coffee (this extension was meant to finish 2 weeks before dc2 arrived, but if course building work takes a million years longer).

So I’m currently sat in bed feeding dc2 feeling a bit shit and DH has gone off in a huff to get dc1 to nursery.
Should I have done the nursery run today?

Hmm. I would say no, he should have done it but it also sounds like maybe you should have agreed that first? It’s one thing to know you have to get up at a certain time but quite another to be woken from sleep after 3 hours! Did you know he was going to be up that late? If he said that’s the reason he took the morning off then I’m guessing he knew he would be.

No. He chose to be up at night. You didn't!

Oops that's meant to be whose not who's isn't it?

I think the best way to manage it longer-term is to agree in advance the distribution of lie ins. Although, even then there'll be the odd occasion where a miscommunication will happen, eg, it's Xs turn to get up early but X was up tending to sick child for most of the night so X thinks Y should've let them have the lie in considering the circumstances. But I find it works in general.

And to add to that, you deserve the lie in for the thread title

You have a 6 week old baby, YANBU! I was on my knees with exhaustion at that point, and I've only got one DS. He needs to understand that he's bloody lucky getting to go out on the piss till 4am, and he needs to step up his parenting so that you can survive the next few months weeks till baby is sleeping better.

He is being unreasonable as others have said his choice to stay up late. I have the same arrangement with my DH he went out at the weekend but still did the early morning (I wouldn't let him do the evening shift as he had has a drink). Don't feel guilty get plenty of rest while you can.

If I was taking the morning off work, I would like to have a lie-in. Going back to sleep afterwards isn't the same as you can't relax knowing you will be up again soon. But can see from your post there was a reason for this. I agree with pp that lie-ins should be discussed beforehand. Sounds like your DH wasn't expecting to be woken up so early after a really late night.

When he starts breastfeeding the baby for large chunks of the night then he can have a lie in on his day off.

I'm not sure but honestly he sounds like a bit of a selfish arse.

He watched SPORT until 4.00am?

Entirely his own stupid fault! Let him go back to bed when he comes back, but there is no reason why he shouldn't be up at a civilised time of day to help you out with (both of) your children.

I would have let my husband sleep TBH.

I can see where you're coming from but if he took the morning off specifically because of his plans to watch the Super Bowl and you ordinarily would have done the nursery drop off, then I think I might have left him to sleep.

Brilliant thread title TBH

Brilliant thread title TBH

Totally is!

If he booked the morning off specifically so he could watch the super bowl until late I think you're being a bit mean actually.

You should have let him lie-in. He has had less than 3 hours sleep.

If you felt capable of doing it then it would have been nice for him. Otherwise, bit harsh of him to think that he could go to the pub until 4am and leave you to pick up the slack when the baby is only 6 weeks old.

So when is he proposing you get to book the morning (and night) off from your 6 week old, then?

Personally I would have let him lie in to be honest. It sounds like you were up anyway. Did dc really need to have breakfast at nursery anyway? Couldn't he have went a little later?

I know you aren't getting much sleep but neither is he (you mention insomnia and bad back) and he is working FT.

Given you were up anyway, it would have made more sense for you to do it.

From now on, this stuff needs sorting in advance. Is he usually off over the weekend? Can you take turns then?

I would have let him sleep. Didn't you know the timing of the game? He obviously did which is why he booked the day off. I know it must be really hard for you being so tired with a tiny baby.

Life together has to be give and take. Be kind to each other. Perhaps he will book a day off in the near future so that you can have a lie in?

Tuck, op is bf so obviously that won't happen. Not really DHs fault, just part of the normal workings of things!

I'd have let him lie in. I can sympathise - I also have a six week old breastfed baby, so I'm doing all of the night waking and most of the school runs, and I'm back at work full time so no opportunity to nap.

However if dh was in work you'd have done the nursery run anyway, and the whole point of his morning off was to allow him to stay up and watch the game and sleep in the next day?

Perhaps you could use this morning as a starting point to discuss how lie ins and naps might work in future, so that he is at least helping you to recover some sleep at weekends/evenings where possible?

I think you were being U. You were already up and it was his morning off! Although if he usually does the nursery run he should have discussed it with you last night.

MissDuke - not really. The OP said she would do it if bottle feeding anyway because he works full time. But she looks after the baby 24/7 so I don't see his needs trump hers unless he's in a profession where it's dangerous to be a bit tired. He works, she looks after the baby, but he gets the option to just take the day off to sleep and she doesn't.

Why didn’t you tell him beforehand you’d like him to do the nursery run?