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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take finance out in my name?

75 replies

Friendslover · 05/02/2018 08:08

My DH wants a new car (we don't need one, our car is fine!) he has poor credit which means he won't be able to get finance. DH wants me to take the finance out & he will pay the monthly repayments. He is the higher earner. I'm now pt after baby.

Backstory: I have already taken out a loan for him in my name (£4000) which he has always paid (£110 monthly) but over the last year he's had some issues (family/work) & has basically taken them out on me. He hasn't been a nice person, which he has acknowledged & is now trying to make amends. I personally think he is depressed but he will not seek any help.

I've said no because if he left me (which I've considered may happen with his awful behaviour) I financially would be screwed. I have 2 DC's that I would need to support & they come first.

I have explained this to him but he's now giving me the guilt trip (how could you think I would do that to you? Do you not trust me? Etc)

I know I am not being unreasonable I suppose I just need some validation of that

OP posts:

Kidssendingmenuts · 05/02/2018 10:18

Do not take finance out for him. If anything happens it's you paying for it.
Even with poor credit he can get finance. Try 247 car finance or I managed to get finance through zuto and my credit is poop! X

HeebieJeebies456 · 05/02/2018 10:35

Absolutely NO!

His attitude hasn't actually improved much if he still 'wants' expensive things and expects YOU to take on the responsibility of providing them/making them happen....and then uses emotional blackmail to try and manipulate you into it

I also don't trust his sudden change of behaviour towards you....shame he couldn't be nice to you before wanting an expensive new toy

he can buy himself a cheap run around if he wants a car that badly!

PoorYorick · 05/02/2018 10:42

His debt is past spending from before I met him. I have effectively sorted him out financially. He is very much a 'want' person where I am a 'need' one. He likes expensive things, I don't care. His attitude to spending (aside from this car issue) is much improved.

Doesn't sound like it.

HectorlovesKiki · 05/02/2018 11:13

NO YANBU. I think it's you that's depressed. In what universe do you think it acceptable to contemplate supporting his irresponsible, indulgent spending habits? There are reasons as to why your DH is a bad credit risk, he is feckless. He is also nasty, he doesn't respect you at all and is quite willing to destabalise you and your family financially because he is totally selfish. If, as you say, the children come first, then never, ever, ever support his financial negligence again or you will end up as bad a credit risk as him. Suggest you kick him out. I wish you well in all your ventures but do wise up girl.

BarbaraofSevillle · 05/02/2018 11:14

Unless he has oodles of spending money to waste as he chooses (doesn't sound like it) high cost poor credit finance is NOT the way to go.

That is almost always an expensive mistake, with the possible exception of needing a car to get to work and no other option.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/02/2018 12:47

OP, don't even contemplate this ludicrous ask.

listsandbudgets · 05/02/2018 13:07

"Sorry, no. The car we've got is fine and I've got more debt than I'm happy with already and I took that out for you anyway. Once you've cleared all of that, why don't we put that monthly payment in a savings account so we've got a rainy day fund"

Honestly OP you're not being unreasonable.

hollowtree · 05/02/2018 13:12

No no no no no don't do it. I am still overdrawn from a previous marriage which left me thousands of pounds in debt IN MY NAME because ex was a useless prick.

I am now happily married with a baby and STILL paying the fucking debt off. And I'm SO bitter about it.

All my bloody fault for being an idiot

hollowtree · 05/02/2018 13:12

Not a previous marriage! A previous relationship!! I've never been married before!?

WonderfullySunny · 05/02/2018 14:28

OP there's been some great advice on here and I would definitely go down the we don't 'need' the car. I did something similar for a family member due to their bad credit rating, they got made redundant and weren't able to pay not because they didn't want to but just couldn't in order to keep a roof over head etc.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2018 14:29

No way.
He still lowed £4K now.
HE wants it.
HE cannot afford it
HE cannot have it
It's really not rocket science.
Do NOT put yourself into more debt now.
Your car is fine.
It gets you from A to B.
He can save up from his monthly spending money and buy his own when he can afford it.

JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 05/02/2018 15:00

Don’t do it. I took out credit for my ex to buy a car and 5 months later we split and I was left with the debt. Initially he carried on paying me (he took the car as I can’t drive for medical reasons) However, within 8 months I was using 2/3 of my maintenance payments to pay the finance as he stopped paying for the car! Fortunately he wrote the car off about 12 months later and the insurance paid out in full! Lesson learnt though. NEVER take finance out for someone else, even if you think things are solid between you.

newmumwithquestions · 05/02/2018 15:11

I wouldn’t get credit to buy a new car when the existing car was fine, whoever was doing the borrowing!

TotHappy · 05/02/2018 15:15

Don't do it... I too have a husband who is a spender and bad with money, bad credit rating and keen on expensive cars/bikes/gadgets... You will end up resenting it (see my thread). It's family money he wants to spend on a luxury. If he was doing it himself, you couldn't stop him, but by saying 'i dont want a new car so no I won't be getting one on finance' you are not saying 'You can't have what you want'... What I mean is, it's not you stopping him having the car, it's his own bad credit rating.

SleepySheepy · 05/02/2018 15:23

This happened to me. I took out finance for a car for my husband because he was unable to get the finance (it was a bit of a technical issue rather than him having bad credit, but all the same). We were married, had a toddler together, had been together for 7 years. I didn't think a thing of it.

A few months later, completely out of the blue he upped and left. He literally had another life to walk straight into, girlfriend, home, everything. I'd not had the slightest clue.

Initially he paid for the car payments, then he stopped, he also stopped paying maintenance. He'd lost his job, he still kept and was driving the car. I had to make the monthly payments as well as supporting my son on my own. I pretty much forced him to sign the car over to me and I took it to somewhere and had them buy it for the amount of the finance to get rid of it. Not before he'd damaged it though and missed a few months payments so I was several hundred pounds out of pocket for the payments and repairs...

Don't do it.

twoplytwoply · 05/02/2018 15:41

Even if you're married you shouldn't take out credit for someone else. Even if you think it's forever and you won't split up you still shouldn't take out credit for someone else.

Ditto all that's been said about him saving up and getting his own car. If he puts on the pressure when you say no, take it as a sign. You're already thinking about leaving him, after all.

needmysleep75 · 05/02/2018 16:24

If he could afford to pay you back extra on top of what he does now for loan, then up those payments now get that 4k paid off asap. Tell him once that 4k is paid off you will consider it, maybe by then he could get credit in his name. My husband and I have separate finances for the same reason I have savings etc he lives from payday to payday. But you know what once the 50/50 on bills is paid he can do what he likes with his money. Only the house is joint and the life insurance ( so if it came to it I could pay off the mortgage and his debts! ) Not everyone has family money and sometimes its for a reason.

babyccinoo · 05/02/2018 16:32

You are 100% doing the right thing.

Leftfilange · 05/02/2018 16:41

Tell him to try his guilt trips on the finance companies - see how far it gets him.
It’s not lost on me that he’s all of a sudden being nicer to you when he wants you to take out finance for him (while still owing you £4K)
So here you go OP. A resounding YANBU from the nest. Listen to the vipers - don’t do it

Firesuit · 05/02/2018 17:20

And even when he's paid back the 4k, still don't do it. He can have a car he wants but doesn't need when he's saved up for it.

When you take out a loan, you are predicting what your spending priorities will be when (if) the matching income arrives. Predictions can be wrong. When you spend out of money you've saved, you know you are spending according to your priorities.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 05/02/2018 17:27

It does not make you solely responsible if you split. The debt will be taken into account along with all assets and debts regardless of whose name they are in.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 05/02/2018 17:27

It is not on, him making you feel guilty. Dirty tactics, bastard....

Tell him, if you need an excuse, that you don't want to take out this loan because you'd be screwed if you actually NEEDED a loan for something else.

He does not sound a nice person tbh, not at all

AppleAndBlackberry · 05/02/2018 18:04

If he's making you feel guilty about considering that he might leave you just say you don't want to take on more debt, you'd rather have a car that you had bought outright, you don't think finance is very good value etc etc.

He might want to look into car leasing, it may not have the same stringent checks as borrowing the whole amount. Or just buying a car that he can afford outright. If he's a high earner presumably he could save a reasonable amount in 6-12 months? Personally I've always bought cars outright even though it meant starting with an old Ford Fiesta and running it into the ground.

HundredMilesAnHour · 05/02/2018 18:22

If he can afford the money to make the new car repayments (but his bad credit is preventing him buying a car), why isn't he using this available money to pay off the £4k more quickly??

Don't do it OP. Even if you stay together (and he's not just being nice to you because he wants you to finance his new car), all it takes is him to lose his job and you're in serious trouble.

It doesn't sound to me like he's become more financially responsible, not at all.

laura65988 · 07/02/2018 14:26

He can get finance in his name but higher interest if my partner who I trust and love needed my help I would do it u didn't say why he needed the money in first place he's obviously not a great payer but we all make mistakes and learn from that being said I wouldn't risk ure credit rating for someone else if u do not need car the say no it's ure right as u are taking risk my dad did this for his daughter she sold the car gave my dad nothing he was left paying it that's trust for u and helping someone out he should not be pressuring u into this and the shouting at u not being nice is something else tell him this is unacceptable if he can prove by paying back the money he already owed them u will get car but in u're name if it doesn't work out u can hand car back it won't effect u as they are only lending u the car so if they get it back uve paid the money and lost our and they can sell the car but means ure out of pocket

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