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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take finance out in my name?

75 replies

Friendslover · 05/02/2018 08:08

My DH wants a new car (we don't need one, our car is fine!) he has poor credit which means he won't be able to get finance. DH wants me to take the finance out & he will pay the monthly repayments. He is the higher earner. I'm now pt after baby.

Backstory: I have already taken out a loan for him in my name (£4000) which he has always paid (£110 monthly) but over the last year he's had some issues (family/work) & has basically taken them out on me. He hasn't been a nice person, which he has acknowledged & is now trying to make amends. I personally think he is depressed but he will not seek any help.

I've said no because if he left me (which I've considered may happen with his awful behaviour) I financially would be screwed. I have 2 DC's that I would need to support & they come first.

I have explained this to him but he's now giving me the guilt trip (how could you think I would do that to you? Do you not trust me? Etc)

I know I am not being unreasonable I suppose I just need some validation of that

OP posts:

TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow · 05/02/2018 09:04

NO FUCKING WAY - This is a juncture in your life. Don’t look back in 5 or 10 years time bankrupt and wonder where it all went wrong.

I would be saving money to leave and set up on my own!

rightsaidfrederickII · 05/02/2018 09:06

YANBU - he's got a perfectly good car, and if he's a high earner he can save up for it.

He'd also be wise to do some credit building activities (e.g. being on electoral roll, getting a credit card and paying it off IN FULL every month)

RedPanda2 · 05/02/2018 09:11

Go and watch a couple of episodes of Judge Judy. 90% of her cases are women that have taken out loans for men and they haven't paid them back! They then leave them with the debt. You are being sensible, he needs to accept he has a poor credit rating and wait until it is better.

ThePants999 · 05/02/2018 09:12

This is WHY he has poor credit. He wants something that he doesn't need and can't afford, and instead of thinking "I guess I can't have it then." like a sensible person, he thinks "I guess I'll borrow the money then". Noooope.

pinkdelight · 05/02/2018 09:13

You are, as you say, sensible with your money. That's why you don't want to do this. Rightly so! Don't even debate it. He doesn't need it. He can't afford it. He acts like an arse. The answer is no.

octonaught · 05/02/2018 09:16

Is your DH the father of your DC?
Just the very fact that the possibility of splitting up has crossed your mind, does not bode well.
Don't even consider getting a loan out in his name.
Do you have any other joint assets, eg mortgage?

ApproachingATunnel · 05/02/2018 09:17

No, no, no. Do not take out a loan for anyone. You say he doesnt need a car- why does he insist on getting it, to impress somebody?..
Look after yourself and kids. Try ‘you don’t seem to care about me at all because you keep demanding this from me’ guilt trip line back. Do not take out loan for him, you’ll regret it.

nicelyneurotic · 05/02/2018 09:18

Don't do it! I also had a financially irresponsible partner. If I was you I would be investigating what other loans he has taken out in secret.

Springtrolls · 05/02/2018 09:22

No he still owes 4K which you are liable for.
He doesn’t need a car he wants one. He wants one that bad he will have to get saving

Whatshallidonowpeople · 05/02/2018 09:26

You are married, you don't have "My money"

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/02/2018 09:30

You would be a fool to take out finance for your Husband.
Look after yourself and your children OP, you don't sound to be in a good place right now. Don't allow him to pressure you.💐

Merryoldgoat · 05/02/2018 09:33

My friend did this - £40k for some fancy car. They broke up, he continued to pay for a while then wrecked the car and stopped paying. She's stuck with the debt now as he's left the country.

It would be a resounding 'no' from me.

mydietstartsmonday · 05/02/2018 09:33

BS Whatshallidonowpeople - married or not you are entitled to have your own finances. I would never, never be reliant on another person for money and would always ensure I am financially independent #married420yrs

Don't do the finance - stick to your guns and let me sulk. Look after yourself financially, it gives you choices.

mydietstartsmonday · 05/02/2018 09:33

*him (not me)

Orangecake123 · 05/02/2018 09:40

Do NOT do this.

My father took out a credit card in my mother's name and racked up bills of £8000, which she had to pay.

Hissy · 05/02/2018 09:45

I know a woman who got loans because she had a well-paying job and her H couldn't get credit.

He fucked off and she is left paying off all his debts, he pays no maintenance.

don't do it.

if he wants a car, he can finance it.

Berthatydfil · 05/02/2018 09:45

Say no OP and here’s what you tell him
1 you/ we don’t need a new car.
2 you haven’t paid off the loan I took out for you.
3 I’m not getting this family (me) into any further debt for something that not an essential.

HotelEuphoria · 05/02/2018 09:52

You may reconsider when the 4K is paid off.

Original poster

Friendslover · 05/02/2018 09:59

Yes we're married & our money is considered family money, but taking finance out in my name makes me solely responsible & that does concern me greatly.

His debt is past spending from before I met him. I have effectively sorted him out financially. He is very much a 'want' person where I am a 'need' one. He likes expensive things, I don't care. His attitude to spending (aside from this car issue) is much improved. I handle all finances, everything's paid & equal spending money every month. We could afford it.

He is making me feel guilty about it, guess I just need to grow a back bone

OP posts:

InaConfusedState · 05/02/2018 10:00

If your car is fine, I would be taking on more debt when you still have a loan to pay off. Tell him to discuss once that loan is paid off.

InaConfusedState · 05/02/2018 10:00

I wouldn’t take on more debt

troodiedoo · 05/02/2018 10:03

What a fucking liberty! No no no. Just no.

troodiedoo · 05/02/2018 10:05

His attitude isn't that improved if he's trying to guilt you into a bad decision. I'd be considering selling his existing debt to a loan shark tbh.

Jamiefraserskilt · 05/02/2018 10:09

It is his responsibility to sort out his credit history and then do what he wants. He hasn't finished paying off the last bail out yet. Yanbu to say no. He does not need the car, he needs to live within his means. Take it from one who knows....

Spadequeen · 05/02/2018 10:13

Tell him once the other loan us paid you can do one for the car and his credit may have improved by then. Tell him you’re not comfortable with more than one loan then he can’t guilt trip you.

Yanbu, no way would I do that

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