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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m sure you’ll say I am... but I’m watching the Rose McGowan documentary...

56 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 04/02/2018 22:07

I understand and completely feel for her that she went through (two or more?) sexual assaults.

But I’m watching her documentary, and she talks a lot about ‘this one is awful because they didn’t speak out’ etc...

But she didn’t. (As so many didn’t.) and she took a settlement. It’s a bit hypocritical to call people out when you yourself didn’t speak out also?

Watching everyone wear black at the golden globes and wear roses at the Grammys is amazing... but surely everyone attacked after your settlement would be on your mind? Why attack everyone else?

Maybe I don’t get it, but I’m happy to corrected. Its frustrating to watch because she’s so gorgeous and brilliant in scream and planet terror... why take the silence pay?!

OP posts:
iheartmichellemallon · 04/02/2018 22:40

I watched that programme too - she's obviously still very damaged by the whole thing & also seems to be very paranoid (justifiably) which makes things worse.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 04/02/2018 22:46

Dare I say... she might be hurting her cause at this point.

OP posts:
iheartmichellemallon · 04/02/2018 22:48

I agree as people can now dismiss her as 'crazy' & ignore the message altogether sadly.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 04/02/2018 22:57

Her comments have turned from supportive to unkind (at best)

I read an article from someone earlier sayinh she’s “making rape her career.”

I honestly can’t believe it’s just the two of us thinking about this... Hmm

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 04/02/2018 23:00

Watching everyone wear black at the golden globes and wear roses at the Grammys is amazing...

I can see why this would be extremely annoying/triggering for someone that has gone through what she has.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 04/02/2018 23:01

I've been thinking about her recently too. I think she has been brave to speak out- but she has turned on quite a few people and I think she needs to be careful that the tide doesn't turn on her.

Slanetylor · 04/02/2018 23:02

I think she's quite a vulnurable person. And I also think that can make someone a perfect victim. Who'd believe the " crazy lady"? I agree with iheartmicellemallon

whatnow123 · 04/02/2018 23:02

I watched her on Stephen Colbert...she's in the midst of a public breakdown.

OtterInDisgrace · 04/02/2018 23:04

She reminds me of Sinead. It might be the hair but it’s also the unpredictable lashing out. I respect what she’s trying to stand up for, though.

Slanetylor · 04/02/2018 23:12

Poor Sinead.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 04/02/2018 23:13

I don’t think anyone would take issue with her bravery or what she’s standing up for... but surely she has advisors.. or a press rep.. or Someone in her corner to give her a bit of feedback. She could go one of two ways... amazing, life changing, everything she wants! Or... what’s happening.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 04/02/2018 23:16

My friend was reading the metro and said ‘how often is she going to tease another rape?’

It’s just getting a bit diluted I think.

OP posts:
Fraying · 04/02/2018 23:25

I think she makes people uncomfortable because she's not playing the perfect victim role eg cry; go public when people expect you to; don't accept money despite the guidance/pressure of your lawyers; always exhibit perfect and morally correct decision-making; be grateful for any support etc etc. It exhausts me having to type it, never mind trying to live it.
Being a survivor is messy. Life is imperfect and so are people. Imo some of the criticism of her just feels like another way to try to control and stage-manage women. She is vulnerable. Perhaps she always was. Perhaps circumstances made her so. But I think vulnerable people deserve to be heard as much as shrewd, 'stable' people do.

OtterInDisgrace · 04/02/2018 23:29

I have a lot of time for Sinead, btw. I just see the similarities in having to work through very personal problems in the public eye. I don’t envy either of them for that.

Summerisdone · 04/02/2018 23:33

My heart goes out to her for what she has been through, and I can only imagine the pain and damage that has brought her.

I stopped listening to what she had to say however when she started calling out anyone and everyone who has ever worked with Harvey Weinstein and any other accused male in Hollywood.
She called out people like Meryl Streep for working with Weinstein, even though Streep insisted she didn’t know about his abuse towards others.
McGowan however, worked with director Victor Salva just back in 2011, despite the man having been CONVICTED of child molesting a young boy 2 decades previously, so what’s McGowans excuse of working with him if she refuses to accept others of working with people they didn’t know about?

Flumpernickel · 04/02/2018 23:34

Fraying thank you for articulating what I was thinking in response but could not verbalise. In the context of what Fraying has said OP YABVU.

Trauma is uncomfortable and it doesnt present in an easy way, imho you dont get to dictate to others how they should deal with their pain.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 04/02/2018 23:41

Being a survivor is messy. Life is imperfect and so are people. Imo some of the criticism of her just feels like another way to try to control and stage-manage women. She is vulnerable. Perhaps she always was. Perhaps circumstances made her so. But I think vulnerable people deserve to be heard as much as shrewd, 'stable' people do.

^This. Rapists target vulnerable women, women with MH and addiction issues. Sexual abuse can also lead to those things. We end up with seemingly stable, rational, powerful rapists with the money and influence. Add to that the fact that women aren't allowed to get angry, sad, needy or upset without being deemed 'hysterical', 'paranoid' or 'mad'.

#istandwithrose

Casmama · 04/02/2018 23:42

“How often is she going to tease another rape” is a vile thing to say and shame on you for repeating it!
I think fraying makes some very good points and I can’t imagine how exposed and vulnerable she must feel. Her anger is fairly justified in my view but I think she probably needs some time out of the public eye for her own sake.

Flumpernickel · 04/02/2018 23:42

#istandwithrose

(Thanks butterfly)

OtterInDisgrace · 04/02/2018 23:44

She was magnificent when unnecessarily challenged by a TIM at a book signing the other day. I had so much respect for her for that.

Flumpernickel · 04/02/2018 23:45

“How often is she going to tease another rape” is a vile thing to say and shame on you for repeating it!

This ^^ 👏

Idontdowindows · 04/02/2018 23:45

Basically I came here to say what @Fraying said.

Women can never do it right. EVEN when they are victims, women are held to higher standards than men are.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 05/02/2018 07:39

Casmama- I didn’t say it. I’m trying to highlight that emerging opinions of her are massively turning... I don’t understand why she isn’t being advised.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 05/02/2018 07:42

But, I do agree that calling out everyone in the world for staying silent... and then saying you’ve been raped but not a) pressing charges b) saying who it is c) keeping it to you itself until you’re ready is totally hypocritical.

OP posts:
Fraying · 05/02/2018 07:49

It's not hypocritical. It's about processing a traumatic event. She doesn't owe you any details at all and she didn't call people out for not discussing their own trauma. She called them out for turning a blind eye to known abusers.