To be upset by this?

[Namechangeuser]

Ok, I'll start with a disclaimer, I'm 7 months pregnant, and therefore may be being unreasonable, although I am genuinely quite upset and not sure if others would be too.

It's also regrettably a mil one.

Mil calls twice a week to speak to my 1 year old, she facetimes and DD is often not really aware what's going on, dh takes the calls so it's not something I'm really involved in and if he's happy to do it then it's fine by me

This evening she has called, and during her chat the conversation goes along the lines of:

Mil: oh I hear her saying mumma alot, have you deciphered what that means, or is it nothing?
Dh: well no she mean namechangeuser, she can also say bye bye.
Mil: oh right...well I'll decipher anything she says as Nana anyway.

It's really upset me. Me and mil are not close. I've known her for 11 years and she has never warmed to me, and treats me like a stranger most of the time.

She's never once asked me throughout my entire pregnancy if I'm doing ok. She never says anything about me doing a good job with DD, it's like I don't exist. DD started to sleep through the night recently and her response was "oh well don't hold your breath".

I don't have a close relationship with my own mum which mil is well aware of.

Aibu to be upset by her comments? It feels as though she has taken away or at the very least, completely diminished DD first word being mumma, and makes me feel so unimportant as a part of the family

I'm a stay at home mum, I live and breath for DD, I'm a good wife, iv never done anything that I know of to upset her. Why would you not say "oh mumma, how lovely" or something nice?

Aibu?

DD's paternal family are a complete shower of fuckers (2 exceptions). No help no nice words nothing but I've hardened myself to these types and give zero fucks. You'll do yourself a favour by growing a tougher skin and learning to turn Mil's negative bleating into white noise.

Very silly everyone knows most baby says daddy then mama then maybe dog before any other family names and baby decides what to call them. My lovely mil has let go her dream of gran for grandma which my dd has decided is her name. Suggest you get your dd to call your mil by her name be it joan etc

Ignore ignore ignore, detach detach detach. Really, there is nothing else you can do, and you will be much happier for it.

The problem is you don't have a good relationship with your own mum and probably hoped your MIL would be something of a substitute....for whatever reason she's not interested.

I've never felt the need for praise in regards to how I raise my DC from MIL...my DM does praise me though...so that's what you're missing.

Being an employer of 4 staff is a big achievement... you don't need her to tell you that...it's unfortunate she feels the need to mock it.

My belief is that she's insecure and is jealous of you and your sucess ...so she goes on the attack to build a wall between you.

Just think how ridiculous her comment actually was ..."What foes mumma mean"

Personally I don't see the point of calling a 1 year old...but she wants to stamp her place in DDs life...she's seeking relevance and recognition.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and on being a successful business owner...

@sixteenapples
A. As stated in my opinion she was on FaceTime, meaning she could physically see me
B. There was no haha or only joking, so not sure how you have just jumped to that assumption from my op
C. Please read full thread where you will see I retracted that comment as it was worded poorly
D. I suppose no, I haven't done this. I guess I deserve to have the title mumma taken as a punishment.

Again, thank everyone for your responses, I'm clearly quite hormonal right now and perhaps should just accept that maybe DD doesn't mean mumma after all.

If your DD doesn't mean 'mumma' , I doubt she means 'nanna' either

everyone knows most baby says daddy

And don't forget when they point to random men in the street or on a bus and say loudly "Dada"!

OP you've had some good advice on the thread. I think the best advice is to try to ignore her comments. As pps say, it says more about her. She's going to look foolish if she tells her friends that DD saying mumma means nanna!

OP -

Whether she could see you or not the conversation was with her son
Most people don't go "ha ha" when they are joking.

However you know her and if you beleive she is unpleasant whay ask a load of strangers on the internet to agree with you? And when they don't agree and they put a possible different slant on it why attack them as well?

Please do not use the "I am hormonal" excuse as it demeans all women making it sound as though we are incapable of being rational when we are menstruating/pregnant/experiencing puberty or menopause.

Your last comment to me was just silly.

Anyway - all good wishes for your next child.

@sixteenapples...I'm sorry, where exactly did I attack anyone?

In regards to your comment on me being hormonal...I am describing how I am feeling. It's not a reflection on all women!

@sixteenapples I think you’re being a bit harsh to be fair. You are coming across as fairly patronising and condescending. Op clearly felt she needed support. I’ve seen on mums net far too many times posts from people who sit so bloomin upright on their high horse and look down on so many. It makes me wonder if those posters are actually as ‘in tact as they profess’!

Op clearly wasn’t referring to her ‘hormonal state ‘ in a demeaning way’ as you well know. She was withdrawing from your conversation as it was unhelpful to her. Lots of women refer to their hormones without intending any judgement on other women and their age or situation hormonally. If ever you have a bad day then by all means start a thread of your own and you’ll know what I mean about helpful and supportive versus condescending and unhelpful. Until then I’m glad you’re feeling so perfect and confident in yourself. It must be wonderful being you.

@burstingwithlife thank you!

It’s sad your relationship with your MIL isn’t good and she diminishes you. On that basis YANBU. Your daughter loves you, her first word was Mumma. That’s what counts