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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be ok with this?

36 replies

DusktilDawn · 04/02/2018 15:18

I'm a single parent to 3 year old dd and have no close friends or family who can help with babysitting. My next door neighbour is lovely and over the past year we've become quite close and see each other almost daily and pop to each other's houses for cups of tea or dinner. Dd knows her well and has formed a nice relationship with her. Neighbour offers to babysit but I always say no - partly because I have anxiety and worry about trust And partly because she isn't family. Am I being silly? Would you let her babysit?

OP posts:
TheQueenOfWands · 04/02/2018 15:19

No.

Your instinct is telling you not to. Listen to it.

Redglitter · 04/02/2018 15:19

Id definitely let her babysit. She sounds perfect. Can't see why her not being family is an issue

CalcatrippticLego · 04/02/2018 15:22

Well, I would trust my neighbours over my family and have left instructions in my will that BIL is never to leave the DC alone with them. So on that point YABU.

awankstainonhumanity · 04/02/2018 15:22

Depends. If you trust her then yes, if you don't then don't. Trust is a personal thing.

Original poster
DusktilDawn · 04/02/2018 15:24

I'm not worried about not being able to trust her, I just worry that you never really know who you can trust. No reason to believe that I can't trust her.

OP posts:
HarveyKietelRabbit · 04/02/2018 15:25

With all respect - with anxiety, you can't always trust your instinct. That's the whole point of anxiety.

letsdolunch321 · 04/02/2018 15:25

You could leave dd with the neighbour for half hour - an hour and see how that goes

CraftyGin · 04/02/2018 15:26

You need to build up a support network, so getting her to babysit is a good thing.

RedHelenB · 04/02/2018 15:27

Definitely let her babysit, no reason on earth not to.

ChelleDawg2020 · 04/02/2018 15:28

No way. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it.

FullSet · 04/02/2018 15:28

Another that doesn't understand what family has to do with it.

PinkHeart5914 · 04/02/2018 15:30

You see this person almost everyday, go to there house, dd knows & likes them so Yes I would let them babysit. Also someone ‘being family’ is no guarantee they would take good care of a child anyway

I don’t mean to be unpleasant so please don’t take this the wrong way but I think your anxiety is making you over think this and insticts are all well and good but anxiety can cloud them too tbh

Undercoverbanana · 04/02/2018 15:35

Who has your child when you are at work? Do you have anxiety about the nursery or childminder?

Original poster
DusktilDawn · 04/02/2018 15:37

I've never said it doesn't feel right. Like a pp said, anxiety is clouding my judgement

OP posts:
Chugalug · 04/02/2018 15:51

A mothers instinct is a wonderful thing....listen to it x

CalcatrippticLego · 04/02/2018 15:53

Also if she's really the only person who could help you out, think about what would happen in an emergency. Far better your DD is used to being left with someone beforehand.

Canadalife · 04/02/2018 16:03

Hi there....when our children were little we were not near any family...and neighbours were invaluable. Maybe try leaving your DD for a short period and see how everyone does.

What are you worried about specifically....anxiety is a funny thing and does distort our view of the world.

Series28 · 04/02/2018 16:03

Do you need her to babysit? How have you been managing so far without one?
I wouldnt want to leave my little ones (3+4) with a neighbour because your right you never know who you can trust but I have done with my 8 and 10 year olds, it just feels safer knowing they are older and would be more able to say no or get out etc.
Do what you feel comfortable with OP, if you trust her and need a babysitter go ahead but dont if you dont feel right about it.

DerelictWreck · 04/02/2018 16:05

I'm sorry but instinct is hardly reliable and mothers instinct is rubbish.

OP could you start really small and build up? Ask her to watch your DD while DD is asleep for half an hour while you nip out? Or to come over for an hour while you do the shop? Maybe that would help if you knew she could cope you could build up you need to.

One day you might need her in an emergency and it would be great to already have a foundation so you don't worry too much.

Lethaldrizzle · 04/02/2018 16:07

I rely upon non family members to babysit as also do not live hear family

HarveyKietelRabbit · 04/02/2018 16:21

Derelict - agreed. Instinct can be useful but not when you have anxiety and not when it's a highly emotive situation like parenthood (though OP here is very clear that she has NO 'bad' instinct at all about this woman).

For every 1 Mother who went to A and E because her instinct told her something was seriously wrong with her child, there are dozens who were fortunately wrong.

It annoys me how 'trust your instinct' is always trotted out as seemingly infallible when all confounding factors are not taken into consideration.

I remember the 'instincts' of so many MNetters last year about the BBC N. Korea correspondent having his children disrupt his live interview. All those MNetters talking about the look of horror on the face of the 'Nanny' and how 'angry' the laughing and embarrassed interviewee looked and how worried they were about the aftermath for those poor children and the terrified 'Nanny'. Which turned out to be his wife and a very normal, happy family.

Pengggwn · 04/02/2018 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DusktilDawn · 04/02/2018 16:33

I should have also added that dd has been round a few times without me to bake etc.

OP posts:
Felixandtheflippers · 04/02/2018 16:45

Do you have any close friends that could maybe meet you at your house with your neighbour? They might be better to give you advice after meeting her in person? Growing up I had 2 different neighbours that looked after me- they were wonderful and I loved the time I spent with them.

Bluelady · 04/02/2018 16:47

There's your answer if it's OK for her to look after your daughter in her house, why not in yours?