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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to turn in a sibling...

36 replies

Confrontayshunme · 04/02/2018 13:07

Background: I am an only child, and my husband has two siblings. My dad has a younger brother who is homeless (we think), and has several warrants for his arrest and outstanding fines for everything from drugs, robbery, assault, etc.

DH and I were discussing that my dad felt that he would have to turn in his brother to the sheriff (in America) if he turned up. He has been missing/gone to another state/possibly dead for almost 10 years now, so it is basically just hypothetical.

My husband said "I would never turn in my own brother for anything." Maybe it's because I have no siblings, but even if it was a parent, aiding and abetting a fugitive, is a crime in America. It was shocking because my husband is a rule follower and has literally never lied.

WIBU to turn in a sibling you know is a criminal? Not just like paperwork or not paying taxes, but multiple crimes against people and property.

OP posts:
Onesmallstepforaman · 04/02/2018 13:12

Yes, I'm afraid so. For crimes I considered serious, such as those in your list

MyBrilliantDisguise · 04/02/2018 13:14

What about your child? Would you turn them in, too?

Changednamejustincase · 04/02/2018 13:15

No, I would not unless he was a psychopath or violent towards women or children.

stitchglitched · 04/02/2018 13:15

I'd turn my brother in. Not my sisters though!

loobyloo1234 · 04/02/2018 13:15

If it were a crime against someone I would turn them in. Serious crime etc.

Drugs, probably not no

araiwa · 04/02/2018 13:17

Never

Aridane · 04/02/2018 13:18

No

HarveyKietelRabbit · 04/02/2018 13:21

For crimes against vulnerable people yes.

Otherwise no.

FannyWisdom · 04/02/2018 13:24

I won't go in to great detail.
I have and would again.
Some things trump loyalty, it wasn't easy and we didn't do it lightly.

Cavelady67 · 04/02/2018 13:25

Yes I would, especially if they were relying on me not to eg wanting to stay with me etc.

Someone who commits crimes like those and gets away with it is highly likely going to do it again. Think of victims.

Afternooncatnap · 04/02/2018 13:29

Depends on the crime. Sexual violence, violence against women, children, elderly or vulnerable, or sadistic violence - yes I would hand him him.

Theft, fighting, drugs, I'd probably just send him on his way.

Onesmallstepforaman · 04/02/2018 13:33

mybrilliantdisguise Yes, again for serious crimes.

mogulfield · 04/02/2018 13:34

For robbery and assault, yes I would.

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 04/02/2018 13:36

I had to turn in a dc for a very serious crime. Honestly until you are in this position you don't know how you will react.
Sad

blaaake · 04/02/2018 13:46

No I wouldn't. If my brother or sister murdered someone I'd probably help them hide the body.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 04/02/2018 13:49

Depends on the crime. Drugs... probably not, unless I thought it would actually help them in the long run.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 04/02/2018 13:50

Should qualify that^^ by saying if he was a violent drug dealer, praying on the vulnerable, then I would probably turn them in. If just a user, small time dealer to acquaintances, then no.

000bourneFarm · 04/02/2018 13:51

Well your opening post is shit.
You judge him in the current tense, then next paragraph he has been dead for 10 years.

Bollocks.

WeAllHaveWings · 04/02/2018 13:52

For robbery and assault, regardless of whether it was against men, women or children, yes I would hand them in.

Not only to protect others including myself, but also in the hope of some rehabilitation and it would be the eventual best outcome for my sibling.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 04/02/2018 13:52

I think your DH doesn't have experience of having a sibling like that so is speaking from a naive viewpoint. The way he feels about his siblings he probably wouldn't turn them in, but they probably wouldn't do it.

If he'd had years of bullshit off his siblings and knew for real that they were a danger to themselves and other people, he probably would.

TryAgainAndAgain · 04/02/2018 13:53

I'm pretty sure I would. I would absolute hate to do it but I'd be worried that they would go on to commit further crimes. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt that I could have prevented them.

Not quite the same but I was going to report my own Dad for driving with terrible eyesight. I warned him to sort it out but he kept ignoring me (and everyone else). I was agoninsing over it but then thought about what would happen if he killed someone and then realized I had no choice but to report it. Thank goodness he gave in and got his eyesight sorted.

I haven't reported one of my brothers for insurance fraud. I'd like to and feel bad that I haven't. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ellie56 · 04/02/2018 13:53

No I wouldn't. If my brother or sister murdered someone I'd probably help them hide the body.

Hmm Yeah right.

blueletter · 04/02/2018 13:53

yes I would.

I reported a sibling. Their partner was growing weed in their flat with intent on growing enough to deal. Both were arrested and questioned, social workers involved the lot. If I hadn't 2 kids could've been growing up in the home of a drug dealer with god knows who coming and going.

sibling still doesnt know that I did it and is still vying for their blood. I would not go back and change my decision. The cretinous creature who intended to deal was imprisoned for other serious charges too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2018 13:56

I adore my sister, she is my best friend so I would find it extremely hard. But then if she was the sort of person to rob, assault etc then she wouldnt be my best friend so maybe it would be easier than I imagine!

I would do all I could to encourage her to turn herself in though.

Blackteadrinker77 · 04/02/2018 13:57

I have no clue what I'd do and I hope to never find out