Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DH whistling to baby DD like she's a dog.

75 replies

BeagleBurger · 04/02/2018 12:28

Dh has just whistled to baby DD (18 months) like she's a dog and ACTUALLY said the word "heel" to her. I said "she's not a dog please don't I hate it when you do it." And he made it out like I was being silly...it was only a joke you awkward cow (implied not said).

He does it a lot and I find it utterly awful. When he gives her bits of food he never gives it to her or places on her plate, he sort of tosses it to her. He does adore her and she loves him too but I just find it so horrible. AIBU?

He also calls her a lump all the time. Anyway. 😠😠😠😠😠

OP posts:

GruffaloPants · 04/02/2018 14:35

In the absence of any other concerns, I'd say you are being a bit precious.

We all say DD2 is a puppy in baby form. She crawls about, bites and licks, carries toys in her mouth. I do call her "pup", but I also adore her. If he is caring, and isn't demeaning her, what's the problem?

rememberthetime · 04/02/2018 14:39

My father did this to me and my brothers too. He would whistle at us in the same way as our dog.

All of us grew up to feel we were no better in his eyes than that dog.

Please don't let him carry on doing it - it is demeaning.

Parents should use a child's name, not click their fingers, clap their hands, thump the table or any other action designed to make them do what they want them to.

if we did that in any other context it would be highly rude. Would your husband whistle for a waitress to get their attention and if he did, would you not see it as a huge red flag about how he treats other people and how important they are?

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/02/2018 14:44

It is demeaning if done by someone who treats you like a dog.

Its not demeaning in itself.

No more than being called by a nickname means your dad can't be bothered to remember your name.

I would hate for my OH to be watching everything I did with my kids and thinking the worst.

Everything depends on context.
Is he nice, does he love her, is he attentive and loving towards her?
Or is he generally unpleasant and does he actually treat her like a dog?

foxyloxy78 · 04/02/2018 14:45

I think it is horrible and disrespectful to your poor daughter.

TheBrilliantMistake · 04/02/2018 14:46

You cannot extrapolate what a dad does with a baby to how he will treat them in later life.
You can't look back on a bad parent and say 'he did this, therefore anybody else who does it will also be a bad dad'.

BrickInTheWall · 04/02/2018 14:53

I call my two littlest lumps all the time! I never even thought people might think I was being horrible to them.. I say it affectionately!
Got to be honest I caught myself whistling at 2 year old DD the other day.. it did get her attention u like the 10 times I called her name and nickname.
I also call all my kids by names such as GrumpyChops, StinkyButt, MonkeyFace.. I'm going to be thinking now that all my friends and family must think I'm a horrible mother! Luckily I'm not too bothered what they think.

TheBrilliantMistake · 04/02/2018 14:59

I am regretting not shaking my children's hands.
Perhaps blowing a raspberry on their tummy was disrespectful after all.

I'm being facetious of course, but also trying to highlight that it's all about context and intention.

thehairyhog · 04/02/2018 15:30

Completely agree with FizzyGreenWater.

If you wouldn’t do it to an adult, then why is it ok to do the same to a toddler? He doesn’t seem to see a child as a person.

‘Put his dinner on the kitchen floor and whistle for him’

Please do this!

TroysMammy · 04/02/2018 15:36

Sumo to be honest I can't remember any normal stuff my parents said or did when I was 18 months old and I expect a high percentage of people can't either.

TheBrilliantMistake · 04/02/2018 15:40

Because a baby isn't an adult and the range of behaviours we exhibit to babies is vastly different than adults.

We kiss baby's bottoms, or blow raspberries on their tummy, we bounce them up and down on our knees - none of this we do with adults.

Cambionome · 04/02/2018 15:55

I know someone who was always called "Doughnut" by her family as a nickname when she was a child. (She was quite a plump child).

No, it wasn't meant unkindly but yes it did have a negative effect on her self-esteem for years.

MoodyTwo · 04/02/2018 16:22

Oh I hate that! I also hate when people click fingers at my LO !
I have started doing it back 😳

MerryMarigold · 05/02/2018 09:53

I would hate for my OH to be watching everything I did with my kids and thinking the worst.

Me too. Is this the first thing you have objected to, OP, or do you object to other things not being done in the way you want them to. Don't damage his relationship with his dd.

Imo, this is just a bit of fun, but if certain aspects of it really upset you, you could explain why and ask him to not to do those things. I think it is fair enough if it really upsets you to ask him not do, and he should respect that. I agree with those posters who say that. However, not if it is the umpteenth thing you're having a go at him for with regard to parenting his daughter.

The PP who said their Dad said "You don't keep dogs and bark yourself" is a horrible, horrible example and I definitely think that's way away from this behaviour. It wasn't having fun, playing and went along with an older child being treated in a demeaning way. If you dd shows she doesn't like it, and he carries on, that's a different matter, but she probably enjoys him laughing with her and playing.

And no, you don't treat an 18mo like an adult, so all those saying, "Would you do it to an adult?" or "Put his food in a dog bowl." have a really ridiculous argument.

RingFence · 05/02/2018 10:32

He's just being affectionate. Toddlers are very much like puppies, in a nice way. I love dressing mine up as a bear cub or a bunny. I don't think it's demeaning. She loves to play fetch and naturally responds to hand signals the way a dog will (if I point to where I want her to sit or pat my leg to call her to me, she responds instantly whereas verbal instructions go over her head).

As long he's doing it lovingly I don't see the issue.

NataliaOsipova · 05/02/2018 10:39

*It is demeaning if done by someone who treats you like a dog.

Its not demeaning in itself.

No more than being called by a nickname means your dad can't be bothered to remember your name.*

Agree with this. It wouldn't be my thing (apart from anything else, I can't stand dogs!), but, honestly, from what you've said it sounds quite sweet to me. Like they have their own way of being together, which implies they have a close bond. Totally agree with MrsDV that I'd hate my DH to judge me for the silly names and songs that I have for my DDs.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/02/2018 10:47

And no, you don't treat an 18mo like an adult, so all those saying, "Would you do it to an adult?" or "Put his food in a dog bowl." have a really ridiculous argument.

Well said. It's bloody mental when you see these types of replies. Like someone has parked in my space; a poster will helpfully mention that they would have blown the car into space using a nuclear-powered catapult or some such.

Dustysparrow · 05/02/2018 10:51

My DH does this, except he whistles at her the way he used to whistle to our pet cockatiel. Bizarre. I have mentioned it that it sounds like he's calling a pet and he doesn't do it as much as he used to. I just think it's a daft thing he does without actually thinking how it sounds, so I let it go. It's all his other annoying habits I get worked up about.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 05/02/2018 10:54

It's the tossing food that sounds horrible.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 05/02/2018 10:56

Steeley I call my 2 youngest Stinky 1 and Stinky 2, and my eldest (27) Snotgoblin.

SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 05/02/2018 11:09

Op, go back and read the news posts about Baby P, and the mother's boyfriend who whistled to him like a dog. I was appauled to read your OP and the "it's a joke" responses you've been getting.

Your poor DD. She is not a lump, she is a person, and deserves to be treated as well as the other members of her family are treated. does he behave this badly to other family members or just the female ones?

NataliaOsipova · 05/02/2018 11:47

Op, go back and read the news posts about Baby P, and the mother's boyfriend who whistled to him like a dog

You're making the most enormous leap here.....

He isn't treating her like she's a dog in the sense of being subhuman, he's treating her like his little pet, in the context of her being an utterly adored child. IThere's the most enormous difference and I think it's pretty appalling that anyone could equate the two.

MsSquiz · 05/02/2018 12:17

My DH's family have a "family whistle" it's they whistle his dad would do when he came in from work and the kids would go to him, now they all do it to each other to get someone's attention from another room, of if they are in shop together, but can't see the other person, they do the whistle...

It's harmless, he's not belittling your child or making her feel worthless. I'd be far more concerned if he was ignoring her or being offensive

TheFirstMrsDV · 05/02/2018 13:05

FGS at bringing Baby P into this.
I expect that poor child was fed McDonalds by his parents. That doesn't mean all children fed McDonalds are being neglected.
He probably had to share a room.
Ditto room sharing and all manner of things that, along with other acts, can be indicative of abuse/neglect.
On their own they are not harmful or a 'red flag'

InsomniacAnonymous · 05/02/2018 13:29

I agree that it is disgusting to bring Baby P into this. The OP said herself that her DH adores his child.

laura65988 · 07/02/2018 17:54

Your being very critical of ure partner over silly things that don't matter why are u picking these irrelevant points out as if it was serious sounds to me your not happy with him and using these things as something that u can say make ure skin crawl that's not a normal response to someone ure in love with or indeed have an attraction to so u my dear are clearly the issue not ure partner decide if this is the relationship u want and ask ureself when u started to feel like this if that makes ure skin crawl I hate to know how u feel when having sex but the poor guy is oblivious tell the truth be honest it myt help how u feel towards him

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread