DH whistling to baby DD like she's a dog.

[BeagleBurger]

Dh has just whistled to baby DD (18 months) like she's a dog and ACTUALLY said the word "heel" to her. I said "she's not a dog please don't I hate it when you do it." And he made it out like I was being silly...it was only a joke you awkward cow (implied not said).

He does it a lot and I find it utterly awful. When he gives her bits of food he never gives it to her or places on her plate, he sort of tosses it to her. He does adore her and she loves him too but I just find it so horrible. AIBU?

He also calls her a lump all the time. Anyway. 😠😠😠😠😠

"Lump" said in the right tone of voice I would put down to an affectionate nickname, whistling as many people have said is just away of calling someone to return. I wouldn't have a problem with these,

The tossing food at her and heal yep the jokes gone too far. She isn't actually a dog.

There's a husband in our group that does this. It is often remarked upon, the consensus being that he isn't very paternal but has kept lots of dogs. It is degrading. The only behaviour I've seen worse was the woman with a teenage daughter who called her new young sister "sexy". That shocked everyone.

Wouldn't be happy if he constantly threw her food at her though

Steeley113 me too! Clearly I have managed to get over it as I had forgotten all about it until I read your post!

I think how he behaves with you day to day is key to this.

Is he generally a twat or is he a good guy?

If he's a good guy I couldn't worked by this. When he throws food, does he make a mess?

I whistle to my toddler, it often catches her attention better than calling her name for the nth time.
We spent a happy twenty minutes playing fetch with sticks in the park a few weeks ago. She enjoyed it & ran about.
Throwing food I would say no to, but mostly because of the copying thing. I might make her do a trick for it though (wish I’d thought of it before), but not all the time.

I wonder if it is a macho thing, doesn't want to show affection to a baby but it's OK if it was a dog?

It's a joke! My mother made people laugh once, when I was a kid, by loudly saying "Heel!" as we walked across a zebra crossing. It's just humour it's not malicious. Lighten up.

I whistle for my children- works brilliantly when you are out, you don’t have to shout their name and they fon’t Have to call Mum and have 20 other mums answer. They know our secret whistle and use a t to locate me in a crowd.

"Sounds v. normal, and very affectionate from DH. And I much prefer this to the 'daddy's little princess' approach."

Exactly! These things make little children giggle. You don't have to be deadly serious all the time. You can be fun.

Tossing food is not something I've ever seen before. That's ott in my opinion.
I can remember my kids starting to crawl and pulling them back on their legs to race away again. Someone once commented that was 'cruel'. My kids giggled and crawled away again to be 'caught' by me.
I can't see anything offensive about whistling as a bit of fun, but one the joke has been made, there's no need to keep repeating it.
I've heard people take offence to parents giving their baby a nickname in the womb like 'bump' and apparently it's depersonalising them.

As teenagers, I developed far worse terms for them!

OMG. Some posters on here...! I despair.

He calls his child a "lump" and throws food for her? Can you really not see that this is wrong and degrading?

Cambionome I always assume the ones that say "Oh there's nothing wrong with that" and then go on to insult the posters that disagree, do it themselves, or their partner does, and thus they are desperate to gag everyone.

Put his dinner on the kitchen floor and whistle for him

This.

I suspect you will only have to play this "joke" once......

You're taking something out of a wider context and phrasing it to look especially disrespectful... 'throws food at her' is very emotive language.

I used to play all sort of daft food games with my kids to try and get them to eat stuff... waiving it around like a plane in the air finally 'landing' in their mouths.... yes it was on a spoon, but this is not the 'normal' way to eat. It made them giggle and forget about their objection to the food.

I've put silly hats on my children and photographed them looking silly. Is that degrading too? Some would say it is, others would say it's just dads being dads.

For me, the most important thing seems to be that he's paying his daughter attention and spending time with her. I'm not a fan of the food tossing, but that's not the same as 'throwing food at her'.

My dad used the same whistle for me as for our dog. I always heard him even in noisy streets or playgrounds. I thought it was fine - our dog was my bff!

*my dad used to make me and my sister run round after him - fetching drinks, getting stuff he wanted, going across the road to the shop etc etc and when we complained he would say "you dont keep a dog and bark yourself"

he thought he was funny but i can tell you now that it felt horrible. absolutely horrible.*
Thank you. I thought it was just me.

I have played that type of game with both DS 11 (and still compare him to a Labrador puppy in terms of exercise needs and food) and with DD 3

DD 3 enjoys it (I do stop her eating with her mouth like a cat as a step too far!) and she will also use her magic wand to turn me into a cat

Never with eldest DD though - she wanted different games though

If they are having fun unclench (slightly - would stop the food throwing) and play, your DD might prob enjoy dressing up ears etc - mine is either a cat, a fairy, a fairy-cat or a pirate depending on mood

Would those endorsing this behaviour appreciate being whistled on by the rest of the family if they wanted you to come????

Not nice. Not funny either for an 18 month old as they are too young to get the joke.

Sumo - as a serious thing no, I doubt anyone would but as attention grabbing across a nosy/busy outdoor area - fine

Also fine, playing imaginative games with small children who like them

DD1 didn't so we didn't play, DS did and DD2 does so we play

unless OPs DH is a total arse the game will naturally stop when their DD no longer finds it fun

Sumo the point is those that find it nornal have been whistled at by their parents to come, try reading the thread.

You might not see it as ok but pleanty do,

sumo I have just insisted that my children tidy their room.
They have to ask my permission to turn the tv on or use the Ipad.
I chose and buy their clothes.
I tell them off if they swear or are otherwise rude.
I set their bedtimes.

Would I do any of those things with my husband?
No. I wouldn't.

Whats your point?

Others are giving examples of the DF whistling them in from outside - so I think we can assume they are not 18 months. The DF in this case does it alot and calls the DD to heel. It's just not nice. imv. Why not just call her by name?

I don't think you can assume that those who find it ok have had the same done to them. Most of us won't remember our very early years.

I think as a repeated behaviour, it's questionable, but it's not horrific. I suspect (but don't know), he sees it as a bit of a joke that he likes to repeat. The novelty of it will have worn off, but he's probably not sussed that yet.

I don't see it as derogatory, or any sort of indication of his adoration of his daughter. Others may disagree.

In the course of raising children, most parents will face plenty of veiled criticism about their parenting techniques and the rights and wrongs of how best to be do things.

We called one of our kids 'bump' - that was wrong to some.
I rolled balls for the kids to crawl and 'fetch' - that was wrong to others.
I used to rolls around the floor with them - and that was wrong because I was being 'rough' with them.
I can remember blowing raspberries to make my kids laugh - someone took offence to that.

Both kids turned out fine. One became a very polite serial killer and the other a raspberry blowing evil dictator! (joking).