I'm sick of feeling anxious and overthinking all the bloody time

[ssd]

I've been to the GP, I've had CBT, it hasn't worked. I dont want tablets, I dont want to go down that road. I paid for counselling but could only afford 5 sessions, I really found it helped but without it I'm back to square one. I worry about my health, about something happening to me, about loneliness, emptiness, feeling so utterly vulnerable to what could happen, I worry about the future, about my kids and where everything's going.

I've got no family apart from dh and the kids, there's no spare money and no inheritances for my kids futures. We both work but its not well paid.

I know its daft, if you met me you'd never know.

I just want to be more reasonable, more grown up and stop feeling like a frightened child all the time. Its exhausting.

I know IABU but I can't help it, I can't switch my brain off and give myself peace. And I know life is so short, I dont want to spend it having a knot in my stomach.

Would someone shake me and tell me to stop being so bloody stupid, please.

Are you me!!???
I've been really bad for a few years now. It's very different to being depressed and it's very debilitating.
I was very anti pills but last year things got very bad and I tried beta blockers. Best thing I ever did. You can use them as and when needed and they aren't addictive
Some weeks I take none, other weeks I take them daily. I would suggest you try them, there is no point in suffering or tormenting yourself. If you had a broken leg you would take pain killers wouldn't you? This is. I different. Good luck

thanks, I will see if I can get them, what dose do you take and how long for?

Exercise.

Really

When I run for for half an hour it turns off my inner anxiety for a good few hours

Yes running. The rhythm and quiet stop me thinking. Then endorphines kick in before zonk out. Even when I mind is crazy, I sleep after a long run.
Or just a quiet activity like gardening. I'm rubbish at it but again the quiet and being in the moment is fantastic at stopping unwelcome thoughts.
You are definately not the only person who feels this way if it helps. X

This has been me since my DM died.

Had a year of counselling. I left because it stopped helping. Although it did help with some issues.

I’m starting CBT tomorrow.

I find being busy helps and beta blockers are good for extreme anxiety. I didn’t like citalopram, so I don’t take it!

Good luck anyway. Nobody IRL knows I’m this crazy either

I had this for 10 years. I tried everything from counselling to hypnotherapy and nothing worked.

Someone pointed out that depression is when you head is stuck in the past and anxiety is when your head is stuck in the future. I started practicing mindfulness. Only on a basic level of bringing myself back to the present and reminding myself that the anxiety is not reality. What ifs do not exist etc....

Then a good friend got a terminal diagnosis and she said to me that she wished she had spent the last 10 years enjoying her health rather than worrying as it changed nothing.

And I think that was it. You can spend time worrying now but what actual good will it do? These things will either happen or not and no worrying will change it. BUT you WILL deal with it if it happens because you will have to. So now I concentrate on the now. I work to build my relationships and health so that if any of the things that I worried about do happen, I will have the best support to deal with it.

Why don't you want tablets? They're a valid treatment. I've had anxiety disorder all my life and Trazodone has really helped me, plus counselling. They work in tandem. Go to your GP and discuss medication and put yourself on the NHS waiting list for counselling. Good luck OP

Have you tried meditation? Yoga?

Exercise definitely helps.

I know someone who buys lithium orotate for anxiety and they say it really helps. Just a low dose helps keep them steady

Might I ask, OP, how old you are? Because a friend sirected me to a whole week of Women's Hour programmes on catchup (still on the Radio 4 website) about the menopause, and before I'd listened to them I had absolutely no idea that really terrible anxiety was a very common symptom of perimenopause and menopause. They had women who'd coped easily with very stressful lives and jobs (eg a senior police officer) suddenly becoming so debilitated by anxiety that they'd had to resign.

I agree you need to be more open to medication, it's honestly the only thing that ever worked for me. I totally get what you describe, it's like being trapped inside your own head and it's draining.

It's hard to explain really but the first time I was prescribed antidepressants I remember looking for that knot of anxiety and being amazed that it wasn't there! For me it was like the medication helped my brain take a break from all the negative crap that was taking up all my focus and energy and left me free to just think normally, to analyze without over analyzing if that makes sense?

I took them for @ 18 months and it was as though my head had been given a chance to get used to thinking differently. That was 20 years ago and I yes I have needed to go on them twice since, once for @12 months and once for another 18 months. I am still an anxious person but not to the extent that it takes over and I'm able to give myself a kick in the arse - sort of "feel the fear and do it anyway".

Do you take hormonal contraception? I am like this and when I took Depo or the pill it became overwhelming.

I am much better since DH had the snip. I only suffer about 5 days of the month now, just before my period. Just as I think I'm drowning I come back up for air again, so it feels manageable. When I was on contraception it was never-ending.

You're not being stupid, it's crap and I feel the same lately.
I find "being in the moment" helps as well like somebody mentioned upthread.
No screens,just "being" present. Maybe colouring, something as mundane as gardening or doing the washing and drying up helps to calm my mind sometimes. Or a walk out into nature.
Do you drink any alcohol?Just asking as I always feel really anxious the next day after wine lately so much better when I don't drink anything at all really should give it up

Hi OP, YANBU in the slightest! I know exactly what this feels like. I struggle every single day with Generalised Anxiety Disorder although I think the workplace tends to be a main trigger for me. I worry and overthink the tiniest things and when something awful happens I'm a wreck and I get very sick. I'm so bad with my anxiety about the future and all the things I can't do or feel I need to do. It really does take over your life but I agree that pills didn't do any good. I tried 2 types - Sertraline I found to be the best but I had bad side effects and had to come off it before I got pregnant. I honestly find that nothing really helps me, I've tried counselling which helps for a while but when you can't pinpoint anything exactly, I just felt like I was whining on at a stranger and paying a hell of a lot for the privilege 🤷‍♀️. Maybe I just haven't had the right counsellor. Exercise sometimes helps, I like swimming but running is a big no for me as I have this ridiculous idea that everyone is watching me and had some bad experiences with creepy men.
To an outside person in RL I probably come across as perfectly normal and confident but I have learnt to hide it well. Basically just know what you are not alone in feeling like this. Thank you for opening up about it, I find that helps a lot - even if it is to strangers on the internet!
Take care OP xx💐

Also OP I have stopped trying to eliminate the worry totally. I accept a bit of worry is fine as it helps prepare for the future. The anxiety comes when that gets out of control. So some things I think of the worse case scenario in my head and then normalise it. It’s a bit like making a decision on a two way conversation when you are only hearing one person speak.... you will Never have the information that you need to make the worry a reality. Therefore it is only an idea in your head. You now have the choice to dismiss it as reality. The worry then becomes such an abstract thought that it is no longer a valid thought and I stop worrying about it.

That is the basis of how I now think in a simple form. I still worry but do not have the crippling anxiety.

YYY to exercise!
It's like a holiday for your brain

I could have written this as well OP.

I have bad anxiety every day and it's gotten a lot worse in recent months. I'm anxious about nothing and everything at the same time and yet I do everything you're supposed to - I eat well, I have a routine, I exercise every day (and do a bloody lot of it too), I see friends, I budget well, I've stopped drinking.

It's really irritating that it's just not shifting.

Sorry, not much help but you're not alone.

I've had anxiety forever! Just lived with it.

Then two things happened.

I had DS in 2013 and pregnancy hormones amazingly made me calm and barely anxious at all. It was a revelation.

And end of 2015 I ended up in A&E twice with severe abdominal pain. My anxiety went through the roof.

I went to my GP, he was lovely and we had quite a long chat about everything. I came away with beta blockers and the advice to make time for myself.

The beta blockers really help. And they give me the space in my head to do other things that also help reduce my anxiety. I have so many hobbies and interests now, some old things I used to do before DS and some new. I've done workshops and classes and tried lots of new things.

Still taking the tablets, and it's fine. I generally take four 10mg propranolol a day. I can take up to nine. No side effects, except they made me feel a bit queasy and stopped me sleeping if I took them after 6.30ish for the first week or so. Even then, I could be awake lying there worrying or awake and calm, the latter is marginally better than the former.

I could write this too, OP.
It's actually reassuring to see there are so many others feeling this way out there. Makes me feel less like a freak!

I find exercise and giving my imagination something else to do work the best. I end up making up little stories.

You are not bu to be like this. And you want to help yourself which is fab. I second exercise.

I have also found myself getting increasingly like this for no reason. Like Christmas Day I was a state inside infecting I put my arms out I would shake uncontrollably! We did nothing but relax xmas day - just dh and out 3 children having fun... no cooking / tidying/ hosting pressure but I felt as if the house was flooding and I was stuck.

I am lucky to have sessions on my Work healthcare but have found running to be amazing and I hate running ... if you pick kids up from school run to collect them - always better to have a carrot to keep you running! Can’t be late and all that.

Good luck and

Lot of great posts on here already, but as someone who also suffers from anxiety, being open to medication would potentially really benefit you, OP.

I am on Citalopram and without sounding dramatic, it's given me my life back. I panicked constantly over terrible things happening. I used to sleep with a knife under my mattress as I was convinced I was going to be murdered in my sleep. I wouldn't hold children for fear that I'd drop them on their head and I couldn't make a decision at work because I was a wreck.

The day I couldn't visit my sick dad in hospital for fear of catching a vomiting bug, was when I realised it was taking over my life.

Four weeks after taking my first dose of Citalopram, I had an operation (gall bladder removal due to fast weight loss from crash dieting) and I was as cool as a cucumber, laughing and joking in the hospital like I'd not a bother on me.

Was on them the first time for five months then off for two years and I've recently gone back on them due to an office bullying situation which has got out of control, but which I can see no end to.

I'm homestly not exaggerating when I say that they gave me my life back.

Hope all works out for you Op

As others have said, increase exercise and reduce (or cut out) booze. Psychotherapy was a wonderful thing for me but is hard work and can be expensive as long term

@ssd I take 80mg slow release propanalol and also 25mg of phenegran at night to help me sleep