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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for help to survive tomorrow?

41 replies

Prusik · 04/02/2018 10:10

Ok so firstly, I'm definitely being unreasonable, I should have confidence in my ability to handle this but I don't.

DH goes back to work tomorrow after paternity leave. I'll be left to fend for myself and my two boys. First time alone.

12 month old ds, who is generally full of fussiness at the moment and nearly three week old newborn.

I've got containers ready for tomorrow to prepare in advance breakfast and lunch for me and ds and then dinner for Ds (I'll eat later with dh). We'll go to supermarket later to buy some bits in. Also ordered a sealed cup for hot drinks just incase Ds manages to get hold quicker than I can react.

Apart from that, I'm lost. I'm nervous about leaving the house because every time we've done so, one has kicked off.

Any tips, advice or suggestions? Anyone around to hold my hand tomorrow?

OP posts:
Gincision · 04/02/2018 10:17

Yanbu to be anxious. But you will be fine.

How mobile is 12 month old ds?

I had 20 months between mine and the one thing that made it easier to give ds1 the attention he needed while also looking after a Velcro baby was a wrap sling for ds2. So I could cuddle him but still have both hands free.

FingersCrossedHard · 04/02/2018 10:22

Don't plan on leaving the house for a few days while you get used to it. Leave the dc in their pj's if that's easier.

Original poster
Prusik · 04/02/2018 10:24

12 month old is a climbing crawler. He's cruising but not yet walking so the park isn't really an option.

I tried newborn in a wrap sling a couple of days ago but it was really tricky as he's so tiny (6lb2). I will try again. I'd also like to learn to feed in the wrap at some point but that won't be a job for tomorrow.

12 month old is currently napping so I'm enjoying a lie down in bed with newborn. That'll be a blessing tomorrow if I can get him to bed whilst juggling newborn

OP posts:
Original poster
Prusik · 04/02/2018 10:25

Luckily I only have to survive Mon, Thurs, Fri on my own as mum is coming for a couple of days

OP posts:
spagbol11 · 04/02/2018 10:26

YANBU

However I find supermarket shopping extremely stressful with my 2 and they are 2&8. So I would feel exactly the same as you when they were that age Flowers

Nikephorus · 04/02/2018 10:27

Just tell yourself that the worst that can happen is that one will kick off and you'll end up abandoning your shopping and going home earlier. How bad a thought is that really? It's not. It's inconvenient (but that's where online shopping comes in), and you might be a bit embarrassed but no-one is going to remember you afterwards so it doesn't matter. Just congratulate yourself on getting out there whatever happens.

hesterton · 04/02/2018 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Prusik · 04/02/2018 10:28

Ah I didn't explain well. DH and I are going to the supermarket today to stock up for tomorrow.

OP posts:
BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 04/02/2018 10:29

Yanbu to be worried. You'll be fine though & having 2 on your own will soon be second nature. says she that's dreading her dh going away tonight leaving her solo parenting 5

Bostin · 04/02/2018 10:32

I felt exactly the same but it was fine. You’ll be ok.

ReallyExhaustedLlama · 04/02/2018 10:33

One step at a time. Just try to go with the flow rather than anticipating the problems e.g. one year old kicking off, before it even happens. You can do this. Just don’t spoil the moments it’s going ok worrying that it’s going to go wrong. If they kick off or you don’t have something you need etc you will deal with it. You are capable and you’ll all be fine. It’s early days and your confidence will grow as you all settle into you new enlarged family!

Bubba1234 · 04/02/2018 10:35

Do an online shop xx

AmethystRaven · 04/02/2018 10:38

Remember how you thought you wouldn't manage alone with 1 but did? It'll be fine this time too! I'd set the bar very low tomorrow and take it from there. I used to like the phrase sometimes used on here 'all fed none dead' - that's your only goal anything else is a win!! The idea of it is probably worse than the reality, you'll be ok.

Mrsjellybum · 04/02/2018 10:38

I have 16m between mine.
There will be good times, there will be bad times.
Just keep the caffeine flowing.

Also try and involve ds1 with the baby so ask him to pass you the wipes and give him lots of praises for helping mummy.

Pick ur battles with ds1. Otherwise u will end up telling him off all the time.

Im at work tomorrow but will look out for you on here.

ZiggyBarDust · 04/02/2018 10:38

Can your DH work flexi time for the first few weeks, going in a bit earlier but coming home earlier in time to help with "witching hour"?

A slow cooker may be a good option as well.

However, sure you will be fine, lots of other families have been in this position.

Original poster
Prusik · 04/02/2018 10:47

We're babyproofed to the max in the living room so the only rules are don't touch the fire and don't pull the lamp power cable. That's reassuring to keep in my head.

Online shop was supposed to arrive yesterday but got cancelled annoyingly. Now due Monday night. We'll get easy bits in for tomorrow.

Luckily DH doesn't work long hours. He'll be gone 7.15 until about 5.45 tomorrow.

I like the idea of staying in PJs but might just see how I go on that one. The main crunch will be putting newborn down to get one year old to nap. It'll take me about ten minutes and I really don't like the thought of leaving newborn to cry. He's definitely a velcro baby! Maybe sling for that

OP posts:
maras2 · 04/02/2018 11:02

Good luck prusik. Hope it goes well. Flowers
I'm very impressed with people who have a small gap between children.
My DS, DSIL and even DD did.
I deliberately had a 6 year gap as I knew that I couldn't have coped with any less.
It was 40 years ago but I'd still make the same decision today.
My DH worked similar hours but I wouldn't describe them as 'not long' It seemed an eternity to me Smile

BakedBeeeen · 04/02/2018 11:19

Hmm I don't think I could get my 12 month old to pass me the wipes mrsjellybum!
OP, if your house is baby proof, that's great. Maybe you can shut certain doors or use baby gate to keep older one fenced in. I would also second the use of a sling/carrier, when your little one is a bit bigger. I had ergo baby, with newborn insert, although it is very expensive if bought new. DD spent most of her first year in it, and it was so easy to get her to sleep in it, she loved the movement. Then you can have hands free to sort out the older one. You can also breastfeed whilst they are in there.
Good luck for tomorrow, soon you will be used to having 2, I felt exactly the same! Start with simpler trips out first to get your confidence up, eg just a short walk to buy some milk.

mikeyssister · 04/02/2018 11:25

It'll take a couple of weeks to get into a good routine but it's very doable.
The best thing to remember is to go with the day, if it's a good day do something if it's not don't. A good day could be weather, DS mood, baby mood, your mood etc.

If possible shower and dress before DH goes to work even if only track pants and a t-shirt. Make sure you have a book for you and a book for DS ready to read. Don't be afraid to let the baby cry if necessary, it won't be for long.

If you have the space get a playpen, it's great to put the baby in for floor time and DS can't accidently stand on him. I also used to put baby in a bouncer in it. And when baby is bigger I used to put the two in so I could cook dinner and chat to them at the same time.

Mine are nearly 15 and nearly 14 now and we all survived. Just don't expect too much of yourself.

Original poster
Prusik · 04/02/2018 11:33

I was thinking I don't think he'd be a very good helper either Blush he'll happily bring a toy over to give to newborn hit him over the head with but that's as far as it goes Grin it's a shame that Ds isn't a TV watcher or in any way a still baby.

You guys have given me some confidence to tackle tomorrow, thankyou. I know my day will be trying to prevent Ds from killing himself or his baby brother. Travel cot is up in the living room in preparation for tomorrow.

It's making me realise that I have more bases covered than I thought. Travel cot, food, drinks, toddlerproofing, etc.

Currently trying to decide whether to ask a friend to come in the afternoon or whether I just want a quiet day to sob into my coffee

OP posts:
PootlesLovelyHat · 04/02/2018 11:44

Don't have any high expectations! There's 21 months between mine and at that age I was just grateful to get dressed everyday, it does get easier they're at high school now and compared to then now is a piece of piss. There's just another whole host of issues, my advice don't encourage them to talk Wink

Original poster
Prusik · 04/02/2018 16:50

I'm really tempted to try a playgroup tomorrow morning. DS has been so hard to entertain at home today. Would I be really crazy to try it?

OP posts:
Wisteria1979 · 04/02/2018 17:12

If it’s a nice playgroup with friendly people I would give it a go if you feel up for it. I have 16 months between mine and did try to go regularly from the outset. (To keep v active toddler busy for one hour) but did have to leave in the middle of it quite often as one of them would scream etc. But it gave my days a bit of structure - up, breakfast, dressed, playgroup, Home, lunch etc. Also meant for us at least that they started napping at the same time after lunch quite quickly.

Tipsntoes · 04/02/2018 17:16

My strategy was to be out as much as possible If they "kickoff" so be it.

Toddler groups were a godsend with two close together. There's always someone who'll hold a baby for you while you deal with the older one.

Applesandpears23 · 04/02/2018 17:20

Can your friend come at naptime and hold the baby while you get the older one to sleep?

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