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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to still be upset that sort-of-friend blocked me on social media?

36 replies

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 20:29

I kind of want to have some sense kicked into me. I know it's ridiculous to be upset about this still.

Six years ago I met a man on OkCupid and we slept together a few times. It lasted for three or four months but wasn't serious at all. I socialised a bit with him as part of his group of friends. We stopped sleeping together but we added each other on Facebook and, since he is a big social media fiend, he kept adding me on all the new social media things that he joined -- Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc. So we kept up, vaguely, met up for coffee or a gig once a year or so, he would message me to say happy new year etc.

Fast forward to last year, when somebody at my child's school saw on Facebook that we were mutual friends with this guy. Cue awkward conversation about how we knew each other, etc, suggestions that we should all meet up for a drink. I messaged him to say, and we chatted briefly, leaving it as 'see you soon'. I checked out his Facebook page and it looked as if he had a new girlfriend, and clicked through and nosed around her Instagram etc. I thought that it would be nice to catch up since it had been about a year since we'd seen each other, but I was really snowed under and didn't follow up the suggestion of meeting up.

Then two weeks ago I went to message him about a music event, and realised that he had blocked me on all social media! Facebook, instagram, Twitter, etc. Not just unfriended but actually blocked. I normally check my Twitter unfollowers but hadn't for a couple of months, but when I went back to look, it looked as if he had blocked me a couple of days after we had messaged late last year with all the 'see you soon' crap!

I've sort of wondered -- did he not like having friends in common? Did he see me somehow looking at his girlfriend's page and think it was creepy? Should I not have done that? For a couple of days I was quite upset and kept second-guessing whether I had misstepped or done something wrong that prompted such a strong reaction.

I obviously haven't contacted him and won't, it's entirely his choice to un-friend me and clearly he feels strongly about it if he's blocked me on everything. And also it's not like we really saw each other often and not like he was an important part of my life. So it's kind of fine.

But I'm still upset. I feel a bit yucky that I slept with the kind of person who has that attitude towards people. I feel like there must be something wrong with me to explain it. I don't mind about the friendship (such as it was -- it wasn't a close one) being over, but I'm still upset about having being blocked. It's been weeks now.

AIBU? I kind of know I am. I'd like to know how to get over the yucky feeling.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/02/2018 20:34

It’s the new gf...not sure if she can see who’s stalked her pages...don’t think she can. Either way don’t worry, he’s shacked up with someone insecure and controlling.

nellly · 03/02/2018 20:36

What? That's a big jump @OnlyFoolsnMothers maybe he didn't even mention it to his gf and just didn't want to hear from op anymore lol

Op lots of people don't want to be reminded of old liaisons maybe he just wants to move on

Pollypudding · 03/02/2018 20:37

Six years later- after a slow, protracted death of this relationship- doesn’t sound like it went very far at the time and not sure why you are bothered it has finally died a death. He has moved on- he has a new GF and may well have felt uncomfortable that you had access to his and her profile- not that you have done anything wrong by browsing through though I think blocking old GFs must be fairly common. I hope that you have also moved on and have someone special in your life. He sounds like no great loss.

Original poster

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 20:39

l really doubt there would be any reason to mention me to any new girlfriend. It was such an insignificant thing, and we've both had serious relationships since.

Think you are right nellly that he just wants to move on and isn't interested in keeping up. Which is totally fair enough.

OP posts:

Primarkismyonlyoption · 03/02/2018 20:40

YABU for being on all those social media things anyway!

Wowzel · 03/02/2018 20:43

Perhaps he was married/in a relationship and sleeping with you on the side or something?

Maybe he is worried that people will find out now you have a mutual friend

nellly · 03/02/2018 20:43

I understand it can niggle though! Being blocked would seem extreme to me. I've unfriended people I've lost touch with but never felt the need to block anyone

ChaosNeverRains · 03/02/2018 20:44

You can’t possibly know when he blocked you on twitter. But that aside, you weren’t friends, you hadn’t spoken for six years.

And you are over invested if you regularly check to see if you’ve had unfollowers. Seriously, take a step back from social media because it’s consuming far too much of your thought processes.

LinoleumBlownapart · 03/02/2018 20:46

He blocked you when he found that someone he knows, possibly well also knows you and wants to get together. He's hiding something. Are you sure this girlfriend is new?

Saltandsauce · 03/02/2018 20:46

So he blocked you after you messaged suggesting you meet up?? Perhaps New gf saw the message and asked who u were, and you’re basically an ex, so has asked him not to see you! It’s not rocket science! Why are u so bothered though? It’s not like you were great friends if you only met up once a year?

Snowysky20009 · 03/02/2018 20:46

Maybe the gf seen your message, got upset and told him to block you.

Original poster

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 20:48

@nellly yes, that's exactly it. It's not the falling out of touch that I mind, that's fine and quite natural. It's the being blocked bit. That's what's really upset me.

OP posts:

stripytopspottypants · 03/02/2018 20:50

I had similar. Was friends with a man for about 10 years. Did sleep with him once drunk after knowing him for a few years but just stayed good friends, even through each other having numerous new partners.
One day a few months after he got a new gf I commented on his Facebook status. It was just something about how he’d got a new job and I congratulated him using a nickname I had for him (nothing dodgy, just JJ instead of John for example)
Anyway, the next day I was deleted and blocked from social media and it’s been like that for the past 5 years now.
I felt gutted as we were good friends, but it was obv due to his insecure gf.

Sparklesocks · 03/02/2018 20:51

I wouldn’t worry about it - you had a fling years ago, you rarely talk, maybe he just wanted a fresh start with his girlfriend? It’s not worth obsessing over

Birdshitbridgegotme · 03/02/2018 20:52

I reckon his girlfriend saw the message and put a stop to your friendship!

Original poster

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 20:53

@Chaos I use Twitter for professional purposes so it's very normal to track followers/unfollowers to some extent. And means I can see exactly when he unfollowed me and can also see that I am blocked. I'm also not sure you've read my post because we did speak and meet up over the years, just not that often.

@Saltandsauce, the 'why am I so bothered?' question is a good one. I don't really mind about not staying in touch, but I find it kind of weird and extreme to have been blocked. That's what's upset me, I think.

OP posts:

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 03/02/2018 20:55

YABMU! This is modern life. He has moved on. I doubt his blocking of you was personal but more based on the principle of how you met. Don’t give it any more though, OP!

Original poster

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 20:56

And yes, girlfriend is definitely new, he's had like three or four serious relationships since the time we were sleeping together. And I've had one serious one and two children since.

stripy, sorry to hear you had something similar happen. I can imagine that if you were good friends it would be even more upsettting :-( -- puts it into perspective a bit more for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 20:57

Thanks calvin, you have put it really well and I actually feel less upset when I think about it that way.

OP posts:

edwinbear · 03/02/2018 20:58

I understand why it's hurtful. It would have been fine if he'd blocked you when the sexual relationship fizzled out but he was happy to carry on a platonic (albeit not terribly close) relationship, then blocked you out of the blue.

I can see why that would sting a bit. But definitely the way of the world.

windchimesabotage · 03/02/2018 21:02

Yeah I think it is pretty aggressive to block people. If someone blocked me I would assume I had done something to upset them because if i blocked someone it would be because they were upsetting me in some way.
If it was just a matter of him not wanting to be friends he couldve just de friended you or unfollwed you.
So i get why its upset you OP!!

Id just forget about it though because you will never know the reason and it doesnt sound from what youve said like youve done anything to merit being blocked. So it will be something random like a paranoid girlfriend or him being paranoid or trying to cover something up or even him being a bit social media illiterate and not realising that blocking is a sign of annoyance. I wouldnt concern yourself over it. Obv hes got something going on in some way you are unaware of.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2018 21:03

Mabey its coming from his girlfriend. She is not happy with him having an ex as a friend of his. I woulden't be surprised.

Tistheseason17 · 03/02/2018 21:04

He's got a serious new relationship and does not want reminders of his past popping up. Doubt GF knows and he'd like to keep it this way.
Move on and forget- not like it was a hugely important relationship.
You're prob more annoyed he blocked without warning, but it's understandable

WhooooAmI24601 · 03/02/2018 21:07

It's odd to go to the extreme of blocking someone on social media, though, even if his DP is insecure or afraid of his past. The only people I've ever blocked are ropy single-men-types, never someone I know.

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP, some folk are just odd about exes.

YellowLily · 03/02/2018 21:11

I would take a guess that either partner saw the message and asked who you were, and didn’t like the answer... or with his past girlfriends they were not as serious as they appeared and he wanted to keep you around. Just from experience

It is irritating when you get blocked and it’s unanswered. I had quite a bizarre one recently; husband of colleague who has been out on a few nights out with us and I’ve met maybe half a dozen times and got on with not only deleted but blocked me! Colleague is also male, so it wasn’t that they thought it was an inappropriate relationship or anything like that, and he added me in the first place! Could maybe understand deleting but blocking as well?! I was so tempted to ask colleague but thought it would look odd so have left it but still I keep wondering

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