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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to still be upset that sort-of-friend blocked me on social media?

36 replies

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 20:29

I kind of want to have some sense kicked into me. I know it's ridiculous to be upset about this still.

Six years ago I met a man on OkCupid and we slept together a few times. It lasted for three or four months but wasn't serious at all. I socialised a bit with him as part of his group of friends. We stopped sleeping together but we added each other on Facebook and, since he is a big social media fiend, he kept adding me on all the new social media things that he joined -- Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc. So we kept up, vaguely, met up for coffee or a gig once a year or so, he would message me to say happy new year etc.

Fast forward to last year, when somebody at my child's school saw on Facebook that we were mutual friends with this guy. Cue awkward conversation about how we knew each other, etc, suggestions that we should all meet up for a drink. I messaged him to say, and we chatted briefly, leaving it as 'see you soon'. I checked out his Facebook page and it looked as if he had a new girlfriend, and clicked through and nosed around her Instagram etc. I thought that it would be nice to catch up since it had been about a year since we'd seen each other, but I was really snowed under and didn't follow up the suggestion of meeting up.

Then two weeks ago I went to message him about a music event, and realised that he had blocked me on all social media! Facebook, instagram, Twitter, etc. Not just unfriended but actually blocked. I normally check my Twitter unfollowers but hadn't for a couple of months, but when I went back to look, it looked as if he had blocked me a couple of days after we had messaged late last year with all the 'see you soon' crap!

I've sort of wondered -- did he not like having friends in common? Did he see me somehow looking at his girlfriend's page and think it was creepy? Should I not have done that? For a couple of days I was quite upset and kept second-guessing whether I had misstepped or done something wrong that prompted such a strong reaction.

I obviously haven't contacted him and won't, it's entirely his choice to un-friend me and clearly he feels strongly about it if he's blocked me on everything. And also it's not like we really saw each other often and not like he was an important part of my life. So it's kind of fine.

But I'm still upset. I feel a bit yucky that I slept with the kind of person who has that attitude towards people. I feel like there must be something wrong with me to explain it. I don't mind about the friendship (such as it was -- it wasn't a close one) being over, but I'm still upset about having being blocked. It's been weeks now.

AIBU? I kind of know I am. I'd like to know how to get over the yucky feeling.

OP posts:
petbear · 03/02/2018 21:13

@magnawiles

I think it's very telling that you weren't too bothered about meeting up, and hadn't seen each other or had any contact for a year or so, and then you suddenly wanted to 'meet up' and 'catch up' when you found out he had a girlfriend.

There's a thread currently running on here about single women wanting to keep up friendships with their male friends, and still see them socially (on their own) when the male friend has a new wife, and they are complaining that the 'little wifey' doesn't like it and is jealous and insecure........

I posted on there that some single females are purposely flirty and clingy with their 'male friend' even though it's upsetting his new wife/girlfriend, and that the single female is in the wrong, and needs to back off...a few people on there said I was wrong.

Thanks for proving me right. He has blocked you because he doesn't want to know you, and he wants to stop you stalking him and messaging him. I expect his girlfriend will block you next.

TheCraicDealer · 03/02/2018 21:23

Stalking is a bit harsh and it's not on for people who have been the victim of that particular crime to have that experience likened to someone having a nose at openly available social media.

The deleting isn't strange; the relationship has waned, people move on and do clear outs all the time, it's natural. It's the blocking that would weird me out. Personally I reserve blocking for people I've seriously got an issue with and there's been an v bad falling out between us. So I would take that thick too- what can I say, I'm a sensitive soul. But from reading threads on here some people are a bit more free and easy with the aul block button.

Unless you aggressively promote aloe vera products or spidery leg mascara via fb. That would be a perfectly reasonable reason to block you Grin

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 21:31

@petbear What a fascinating reaction. Sorry not to be able to better illustrate your pet theory, but I'm not single.

@TheCraicDealer Grin Wanna buy some essential oils? Seriously though I'd happily delete or accquaintance an MLM-obsessed friend, but like you I would think of blocking as something more serious think I've only ever done it to the person who made me redundant while I was heavily pregnant!

OP posts:
SundaysFunday · 03/02/2018 21:43

I agree, the new GF probably saw your message or he or mutual friend mentioned you to her, she asked how you know each other...heard you'd slept together in the past and made him block you.

CanIhavedessertfirst · 03/02/2018 22:05

Are you sure you've been blocked and he hasn't jusr deactivated his account? I know a few people thought I'd blocked them when I deactivated. If he has blocked you then cut your losses, he isn't worth a second thought.

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 22:13

Yeah, definitely blocked -- you can see it on Twitter (vs just defriending). Assume the same on Facebook as I can no longer see his profile at all.

I don't mind about the friendship as we really weren't in touch all that much anyway -- I hadn't even noticed for three months. It was the blocking that upset me though as I would reserve that for serious falling outs. But clearly it is more normal than I realised.

OP posts:
ChaosNeverRains · 03/02/2018 22:18

Actually on twitter if he’s made his profile private it shows up the same as blocking.

CanIhavedessertfirst · 03/02/2018 22:21

Yea it is a bit extreme! I don't think you're being unreasonable to be peeved over it. He seems like a childish idiot.

MagnaWiles · 03/02/2018 22:29

No, it definitely says I am blocked from following him or viewing his tweets. It doesn't look like Twitter profiles that are private.

OP posts:
Civilsoot · 03/02/2018 22:30

When I first got together with now dh I was seriously unhinged with jealousy and low self esteem . I made him block all women he'd slept with no matter how long ago it was. I say this new girlfriend has made him do the same.

Ariela · 03/02/2018 22:34

You don't know if he is dropping all his FB and social media to concentrate on his new, real, life.
I have a busy friend who periodically switches off all social media to get on with life, and it appears I'm blocked whereas in reality everyone is!

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