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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hosting another child's birthday party?

36 replies

WonderingHowIJoinedThePTA · 03/02/2018 20:09

My DS is 5, and I have a very close friend whose DD is 6 months younger. We are godparents to each other’s children, meet up regularly even though we live about 2 hours apart, and the children are very close.

My friend has decided to homeschool her DD, and didn’t send her to a nursery or preschool. This means that she doesn’t have many friends her own age locally. Her last birthday was a trip to the aquarium with my DS. Her 5th is rapidly approaching and I think that she’s asked her mum for a party like her other friends have.

My friend doesn’t own a car (she lives inner city) and rents whenever she needs one. She needs to rent one in February to keep her loyal customer discounts and suggested coming to visit us around half term weekend (this is not unusual), but then also wondered if there were any party venues that could host a small birthday party for my goddaughter short notice (this was last week)

This isn’t a crazy suggestion, her daughter is friends with several of our friends who are local to here, so it’s easier to hold a birthday party here than where she lives.

So I scrambled and found somewhere small that had availability on the 17th. Yay!

Only it turned out she hadn’t actually spoken to any of our mutual friends to suggest this to them, so when she finally did they were already busy on the 17th, and one of them couldn’t do half term during the week, so now it’s the 10th/11th or nothing.

I scramble through a couple more venues and come up blank. Then I find a maybe possible.

Except at this point I discover that we’re now down to 5 children because a different friend is busy, and then a pair of siblings came down with chicken pox today.

So we’re down to 3, my DS, my goddaughter and a mutual friend. Maybe 5 if the siblings recover in time, who are also mutual friends.

At this point she suggests rather than trying to find a venue and mess them around with 5, but maybe 3, probably, we just host at my house.

AIBU to not want to host the party? Hand on heart if it was a play date with these exact children and parents I’d hold it in a second, but there’s something about it being a birthday party which is making me really reluctant. Doubled with I want my goddaughter to have a nice party, and don’t want to spoil my friendship with my friend (although I wish she’d be a bit more organised!)

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 03/02/2018 20:13

Could you not just take them to soft play or a farm or somewhere, have food and a cake and party bags?

TheFishInThePot · 03/02/2018 20:14

A party with 5 really is a play date tho isn't it. Can you tell your friend she is welcome to use your home, rather than you are the host?
Ask her what she is serving, if she has games. So she gets the point it's her party.

ChasedByBees · 03/02/2018 20:17

What is it about a party that makes it different for you?

AJPTaylor · 03/02/2018 20:18

Its a playdate with a tesco cake a few balloons and pass the parcel.

PancakeInMaBelly · 03/02/2018 20:23

I would do it if they're mutual friends who you would happily have found anyway.

irregularegular · 03/02/2018 20:24

I'm not clear why she can't do it at hers? But assuming there is a good reason, I wouldn't think twice about offering to host 5 small children for a birthday tea if it was a good friend. But make sure she still organizes food, activities etc. You don't want to end up doing it all. Is that your worry? She does sound a bit disorganized. If that's really an issue, then is there a soft play or similar you could all go to?

Original poster
WonderingHowIJoinedThePTA · 03/02/2018 20:25

I guess I'm just mostly wanting my friend to actually step up and do some organising, coupled with feeling a bit resentful at being assumed that it's ok!

Plus I dunno, I guess I just feel that a party should be more special than a play date and I need to put more effort in than just lock them in the sunroom with a pile of toys and the wii controllers Grin

Making sure that she's in charge of the food and games is a good idea! And tidying up afterwards too, I know these kids well...

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/02/2018 20:26

I'd do it, her mother sounds less than useless so I could do it for the child's sake

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/02/2018 20:27

Not the point of this thread, but I'm really sad that your friend hasn't made more effort to find friends for her DD - it really doesn't sound like she's doing a good job of home-schooling Sad

PancakeInMaBelly · 03/02/2018 20:29

" I guess I just feel that a party should be more special than a play date and I need to put more effort in than just lock them in the sunroom with a pile of toys and the wii controllers"

I've done a lot of parties, big and small. One of the best was a "playmate with cake" one and my DC still talks about it.

Original poster
WonderingHowIJoinedThePTA · 03/02/2018 20:35

@AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered - she does have friends, just not many local to where she lives. Her mum has struggled with finding local friends too and those she has found don't have children.

There aren't many families in their neighbourhood, it's mostly students around them.

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/02/2018 20:39

Why is she home schooled? It's very important to a child's development to associate with peers, most home-schooling parents (at least the decent ones) connect with local HS groups and ensure their DC socialise appropriately. If your friend isn't making sure her DD has sufficient time to play with others her age she is failing her, both as an educator and as a parent.

martellandginger · 03/02/2018 21:08

I wouldn’t do it. It’s stressful enough when it’s for you own kids.

FayJay · 03/02/2018 21:19

Why can’t your friend just arrange for everyone to meet up at a park or softplay somewhere? It’s only 3 children. She sounds a bit feeble.

ittakes2 · 04/02/2018 00:32

My best friend is one of the best friends I have ever had. She is always there for me - always offering to help. But unfortunately she is absolutely terrible at organising her daughters birthday party. Leaves it to the last minute or even books it weeks after the date. The poor girl often doesn’t actual get a present on the day - my friend usually suggests on the day she chooses something on Amazon. So feeling sorry for her daughter, I have in the past helped her organise parties (once my friend left me with 25 children in a hall with no games as she had to go out and buy the cake!) and on a particularly bad year when her daughters party was particularly dire - I organised a party for my friends daughter at my house.
I get that it would be nice for your friend to step up - but for some reason she hasn’t and it’s the happiness of a little 5 year old girl who dreams of a very modest 5 children party. You said yourself if this was a play date you would offer in a heart beat. I hope for this little girls sake you can find it in you to do this for her.
I love birthdays and parties so my children are very lucky that these are a big part of our social calendar. But not everyone feels this way and it sounds like your friend might be someone who doesn’t. But I get the impression she is a good friend to you in other ways and you appreciate her friendship - so maybe consider this rather than her failings at birthdays/parties.

MacaroniPenguin · 04/02/2018 00:59

It's a couple of hours, it's your goddaughter, she'll have a whale of a time. I think Fish's idea is a good one but don't be surprised if she says "I thought they could just play with all your toys" or "I thought you would organise the games".

For the food, suggest she does click and collect on her way to yours as she'll have the car.

The tidying up I think you might just have to take on the chin.

Tringley · 04/02/2018 01:25

Is there a cinema near you? How about suggesting a group trip to a Kids Club movie followed by cake afterwards at your house. That way it feels more festive than a playdate but the expense is not on you and at least half of the 'party' time is out of your house. That could also work for softplay, roller-rink, jump lanes, etc.

cupcakemania · 04/02/2018 02:43

You need to tell your friend to sort out her own kids party.

Her poor daughter. If that was my friend I would be telling her how crap she is.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 04/02/2018 05:33

Why on earth did you "scramble about" in the first place?? Surely this woman has access to a phone?

Weird that she's left it all to you and weird that you took it on!

Just consider it a special playdate and make sure she brings cake!

alltheworld · 04/02/2018 05:45

Say she can use your house but she has to organise guests food and entertainment

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/02/2018 06:08

Poor kid Sad. No YANBU. However I would host it as I’m a softie. If you don’t want to, organise a trip out as others have suggested. The cake at your house sounds like a fab idea.

InspMorse · 04/02/2018 06:19

3 children? Your child, her child & one other? That is a Birthday tea, not a party.

speakout · 04/02/2018 06:40

You can't do a party with 3 kids.

An outing would be better- a cinema and pizza or a petting zoo and mcdonalds, go for a swim then an ice cream etc.

Sleephead1 · 04/02/2018 06:41

I would host as you say it's 3 children and really just a play date with cake and balloons you could play musical statues ECT and just let them play with toys. If it was going to be more children and cost lots of money that's different but I would make sure she gets the food and is at your early to help you set up cake and food and banners ECT.

speakout · 04/02/2018 06:43

I think the echo would be deafening at a party with three kids. I would steer away from the party idea.

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