Hosting another child's birthday party?

[WonderingHowIJoinedThePTA]

My DS is 5, and I have a very close friend whose DD is 6 months younger. We are godparents to each other’s children, meet up regularly even though we live about 2 hours apart, and the children are very close.

My friend has decided to homeschool her DD, and didn’t send her to a nursery or preschool. This means that she doesn’t have many friends her own age locally. Her last birthday was a trip to the aquarium with my DS. Her 5th is rapidly approaching and I think that she’s asked her mum for a party like her other friends have.

My friend doesn’t own a car (she lives inner city) and rents whenever she needs one. She needs to rent one in February to keep her loyal customer discounts and suggested coming to visit us around half term weekend (this is not unusual), but then also wondered if there were any party venues that could host a small birthday party for my goddaughter short notice (this was last week)

This isn’t a crazy suggestion, her daughter is friends with several of our friends who are local to here, so it’s easier to hold a birthday party here than where she lives.

So I scrambled and found somewhere small that had availability on the 17th. Yay!

Only it turned out she hadn’t actually spoken to any of our mutual friends to suggest this to them, so when she finally did they were already busy on the 17th, and one of them couldn’t do half term during the week, so now it’s the 10th/11th or nothing.

I scramble through a couple more venues and come up blank. Then I find a maybe possible.

Except at this point I discover that we’re now down to 5 children because a different friend is busy, and then a pair of siblings came down with chicken pox today.

So we’re down to 3, my DS, my goddaughter and a mutual friend. Maybe 5 if the siblings recover in time, who are also mutual friends.

At this point she suggests rather than trying to find a venue and mess them around with 5, but maybe 3, probably, we just host at my house.

AIBU to not want to host the party? Hand on heart if it was a play date with these exact children and parents I’d hold it in a second, but there’s something about it being a birthday party which is making me really reluctant. Doubled with I want my goddaughter to have a nice party, and don’t want to spoil my friendship with my friend (although I wish she’d be a bit more organised!)

Maybe tell her the truth that if she wants to use ur house she will have to organise everything..... but I’ve got a feeling she won’t do much cleaning afterwards and you might end up falling out.... so it’s a no.

Your friend is spectacularly failing her daughter.
I am not a home schooler, but I know people who do, and part of their ethos is to make sure their children socialise with other children.
Having no friends- peers, acquaintances or study group buddies is really sad.

Poor kid. She is really failing her daughter. She is probably desperate for the company of other children.

I would host it. But I would also have a word with her about the need for her daughter to be social with other kids.

I'm gonna stick my neck out here but if your friend can't manage to organise a small party for her DD, is she really suitable for homeschooling?

I'm a softy too!

It's not a party it's a birthday tea. Tell her to bring the wine, cake, decorations and party bags, and you'll provide your usual play date food. (Assuming you are happy to do that)

Her mother needs to step up more this is not your problem.

Though for your god daughter At such late notice I would host this time it's not really a party if there's so few of them.

I agree with a couple of others... suggest an outing instead - cinema/pizza/softplay. This shouldn't fall to you.

If it were me, I'd feel obliged to step up and make sure there were plenty of games/prizes etc, and it's really not your responsibility.

Maybe tell her the truth that if she wants to use ur house she will have to organise everything..... but I’ve got a feeling she won’t do much cleaning afterwards and you might end up falling out.... so it’s a no

We had a situation in our mothers' group where one mum and her baby moved away. She came back into town around the time of her baby's first birthday. Somehow one of the other mums' ended up letting her house be used as a venue for the first lady's baby's party. I'm fairly sure the homeowner ended up doing most (all?) of the set up.

At the end of the party the birthday baby's mum left to drop her sister at home. She never returned - leaving all the cleanup to the homeowner, and the rest of the babygroup mums'!

In another instance I attended a third birthday party for a family we were on friendly terms with. The party was held at a third persons' house (none of the invitees knew this third person) as the birthday boy's mum didn't have room at her place. Again, this person just up and left the clean up - and the guests! - to the homeowner. This was even more awkward than situation one as none of the guests knew the homeowner.

Both these mums' were rather entitled in other areas anyway, so I probably shouldn't have been surprised at these antics, but still. Who does that?! Needless to say, I didn't bother keeping in touch with them after that.

Regardless of where the party is being held, organising and preparing for it is not your problem.

Why were you scrambling round for venues? Doesn’t she have an internet connect and a phone?

I’m slightly concerned that you might be taken advantage of here.

If she does end up using your house she needs to send invitations, buy decorations and put them up, buy and prepare food and cake, be in charge of games and party bags. Muck in cleaning up.

Personally I’d take that number of kids to the pictures or bowling and out for tea. She pays though.

Btw homeschool is no excuse for not having friends. She’s doing her DD a disservice.

Can't you all just go to soft play, then back to yours for tea & cake - or a special birthday cake in the cafe/McDonalds etc?

At 5, it's a "birthday party" as long as there is cake with candles and a fuss made of you.

I'd do a playdate party, though, for my goddaughter, my own child + 1 friend. Pass the parcel (wrap forfeits in alternative layers, and stickers as well as sweets), a scavenger hunt, Pin the Tail on... then birthday tea and then free play. Job done.

I would be worried this will turn into an annual thing.

If you do agree, make sure you're just helping her, rather than hosting.

Are they staying with you?