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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kick friend out? Feel awful

44 replies

boboismylove · 03/02/2018 19:32

Hiya, not sure if this is the right place...

I've been having a friend crash for the last 3-4 months. I crashed with them a few years ago for a couple of months after I graduated until I found a job, so thought I should help her out while she saves money to rent a room with her bar job. I'm a single mum who works part time from home with a 10 month old baby.

The issue is she has becoming more and more moody and aggressive. She had a month in between jobs last month, and she would sleep 16 hours a day before waking up in the evening in awful moods, and having a go at me for not being tidy enough. She has a go at me for the smell of nappies wrapped up in nappy bags in the bin (I take them out every day). She has a go at me for not paying enough attention to me baby (sometimes I let him whine for a few secs if I'm doing something). She doesn't have kids and doesn't seem very sympathetic. She doesn't contribute to the housework or anything, although she does play with my baby sometimes. I've started getting really tense and anxious, waiting for her to wake up and wondering what mood she will be in. She uses language like calling me a dumb bitch. I think she is very depressed.

She doesn't have family in the country, and the couple of friends who live near us - one can't take her and the other she has already stayed with and fallen out with. I think at some point she had enough to rent a room but spent a load in the month she wasn't working. Its London so everything is expensive.

I just don't know what to do - whether to kick her out or how. Its especially difficult as I stayed with her in the past. I've tried talking to her, and she always says she is working to save the money ect.

OP posts:
HappenedForAReisling · 03/02/2018 19:34

Yes, kick her out. It doesn't seem like you get anything out of this except stress and attitude.

UserSnoozer · 03/02/2018 19:36

Months notice and threaten to change the locks I'd say. You've done the favour of giving her the roof over her head as payback. You're even.

Saltandsauce · 03/02/2018 19:36

Give her a weeks notice, tell her it’s not working out! Cheeky bitch

Mousewatch · 03/02/2018 19:37

Do you think she would get nasty with you? Do you rent? If so I'd be tempted to post a letter from your 'landlord' saying you are not allowed to sublet any part of your home blah blah blah. Problem solved.

CircleofWillis · 03/02/2018 19:38

Give her 2 weeks notice to move out. Having her as a housemate doesn't sound good for either of you and she obviously doesn't appreciate your kindness in letting her stay.

Butterymuffin · 03/02/2018 19:40

Can you get someone round to be with you when you tell her? You sound like you have real trouble being assertive with her. When she speaks to you rudely you can say 'Don't speak to me like that'. I bet you didn't tell her off for what she did in her own house.

Lethaldrizzle · 03/02/2018 19:44

I can't believe you have put up with her for so long. K8ck her out

witchofzog · 03/02/2018 19:45

I had sympathy for her as she sounds depressed, but after reading that she calls you a dumb bitch I lost sympathy. If you were in a relationship with someone who called you this it would be termed abusive. And that is what she is doing. And as for criticising you in YOUR home. She has no right.

I know you feel you need to repay her for letting you crash at hers, but you have done that now. If you want to work things out with her you could try having a conversation about how she is making you feel and ask if everything is ok with her. The sleeping 16 hours a day is not normal and might indicate something is going on. But if this fails OR if you don't want to put up with this anymore then ask her to leave. You ds will pick up on the hostility and one way or another she needs to either stop or leave

Merryoldgoat · 03/02/2018 19:46

She sounds like a cunt. Throw her out.

LagunaBubbles · 03/02/2018 19:50

Seriously? She's calling you awful names like dumb bitch and you feel "awful" about potentially asking her to leave? She's onto a good number with you OP.

Hidingtonothing · 03/02/2018 19:50

I like Mouse's idea and did something similar when a friend of DH's outstayed his welcome. I said we'd had a letter from the landlord saying lodgers/sublets weren't allowed and he had to go. Some people might think it's cowardly to lie but sometimes it's better to be diplomatic, especially if the person involved is a little volatile. You shouldn't be putting up with her treating you like that in your own home though and you shouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty about getting her out anyway you can Flowers

Eatalot · 03/02/2018 19:50

If this was a partner we would be all referring you to womens aid or similar. Ask her to leave get someone with you if you are scared.

Gide · 03/02/2018 19:53

Why are you tolerating this shit? Don’t you challenge her when she’s rude/moaning about what you do in your own house? Bloody hell, I’d be kicking her out after the first comment. She’s making your life difficult, get rid.

DriggleDraggle · 03/02/2018 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 03/02/2018 19:53

Three or four months? She thinks it's her place, doesn't she?

You need to tell her to go. I know it'll be tough but it's got to be done. I would give her a week's notice to focus her mind. I'm sure you didn't behave like that when you stayed with her.

Realistically where would she go to? How much stuff would she have to take? Is she from this country or from the place where her family live now?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 03/02/2018 19:58

You are letting her live rent free in London you do all the housework yet she calls you a dumb bitch and moans about the house? She can fuck right off!

She has already stayed nearly double how long you stayed with her. That debt is repaid in full and then some.

She could have made herself hugely useful to you, especially when she wasn't working but no, she behaved like it was her place not yours.

UpstartCrow · 03/02/2018 19:59

Dont walk on eggshells around other people, you deserve a life. Kick her out.

nancy75 · 03/02/2018 20:04

Christ almighty, she’s living in your house for nothing & calling you a dumb bitch? I’d be telling her to get the fuck out & she’d be lucky to get half an hours notice, let alone a month.

ChasedByBees · 03/02/2018 20:04

She is being abusive. She needs to leave ASAP. I would watch for her being malicious on the way out though.

Serialweightwatcher · 03/02/2018 20:08

She needs to get out - you've done your bit and she obviously isn't appreciative at all. As for calling you names and complaining about you - bloody hell what the heck is it with some people?

bertielab · 03/02/2018 20:11

She's abusive. Pack her bags for her and leave them outside. Rent offloaded who is abusive -what are you getting out of this?

Gemini69 · 03/02/2018 20:12

you shouldn't be anxious in your own home... send her packing Flowers

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/02/2018 20:17

Are you frightened of her OP, is there a possibility of her becoming violent ?

semideponent · 03/02/2018 20:19

You feel awful? She should feel awful. She's taking advantage of you now.

If you do give her a notice period or pretend you've had a letter from the landlord, make sure you've also practiced a firm "No, you must go, you may not stay any longer." Chances are she will try and get round anything you put in front of her. You need to be able to say no. Bear in mind you're saying this as much for your DD as for you. I think it's a good idea to have someone else present when you say it (and prepared to back you up) if that's at all possible.

I wonder if one of the reasons you're hesitating is that she is company and does talk to the baby? You'll need to fill that gap a bit with supportive people if possible....I'm just thinking about it from your POV.

MammaTJ · 03/02/2018 20:21

Do not feel awful, this is due to her behaviour, not yours!